Re: [NSMods] from Rose

[Guest guest]

Rose,

You know how much I love you, and appreciate whatever you can do when ever you can do it. More than anything else, it's your loving humor that I miss the most.

I don't care how much you can or can't do-- it's all ok. It has to be. If we don't take care of ourself first, we're not able to help anyone else-- and we do crash and burn.

DO NOT GUILT YOURSELF OUT BECUASE YOU CAN'T BE HERE. DO NOT DO IT. WE AREN'T-- AND I REFUSE TO JOIN THE GUILT SOMEONE OUT CLUB... if I did, I'd have to become the bottom topdog of it-- and it's not gonna happen. LOL!

All of us love you-- and miss you and we do get it-- there is just so much of each of us to share.

If I could reach thru this computer and wrap my arms around you, and we could hug each other and hold each other up, you know I'd be doing that right now. In fact, in my virtual world, that is what I'm doing right now. So girlfriend, feel the love!

Tracie

NS Co-owner/moderator

To: neurosarcoidosis ; nsmods Sent: Fri, April 23, 2010 7:24:01 PMSubject: [NSMods] from Rose

Hi to everybody, especially the newbies (new to me; I guess some of you have been here quite awhile). For those who don't know me, I'm supposed to be one of the moderators. For the past few months, I have been absent from the list. Before that I would periodically go AWOL. I feel bad, because physically I'm doing pretty well. I've just been struggling-- not very successfully- -mentally, emotionally, spiritually. These last few months I've started to reactivate myself, so to speak, but would then remember how many times I've done that before, only to slip-slide away again. So I told myself that I wouldn't return until I had it together & could commit to being a full-fledged moderator. But I've never gotten it together. I met with my counsellor this week & talked about it. She suggested that I just do what I can, without making any specific commitments. That's what I'd like to

do. I know how much everyone else is struggling, and God bless Tracie, she needs & deserves more folks to share the burden. So rather than continue this all or nothing behavior, I'm hoping you all (especially the other moderators) will accept what I can give, for now & who knows how long. Some of you may be saying, "Just suck it up," and I don't blame you. I did suck it up & do what I had to do for so many years; I guess my suck it up-per burned out. But this group was such a blessing & lifesaver for me that I want to give back. I have knowledge & experience to share, things to learn from others & I miss the support & camaraderie (sp?) of the group. I'll get on when I can; sometimes I go days without even using the computer or even thinking about email, etc. Then I'll find I can kick it in gear, get on Facebook or something, take my dogs or grandkids somewhere,

whatever. The problem with the group is the emotional drain. Most days I just feel emotionally empty. I've never experienced this degree of emptiness before; don't know why or how to improve the situation. All my usual coping strategies aren't helping. Maybe it's some kind of challenge or test. Whatever, I hope this makes sense to y'all, and if it doesn't make sense, please just accept that I'm doing as well as I can right now.

Ramblin' RoseModerator

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