Re: While I was away.....

[Guest guest]

Hi Sue,

I don't think there is really any reason why she should need to know about your surgery. You friend will lose weight by modifying her eating habits. It won't be as quick as your as but it will happen also. I don't think that it is necessary that you share with everyone your surgery. When people ask me now how I lost my weight and have kept it off I just tell them I exercise and I watch what I eat. I try to eat as health as possible. I leave it at that.

Ramona

[Guest guest]

Sherri - your comments brings to mind the "controversy" over Star (The View) drastic weight loss and Rose O'Donnell's comments about Star keeping it secret. Big deal! So you have a gastric bypass. I'm having one too because, frankly, I CANNOT lose all this weight (160 pounds+) without it! I'm 50 (almost), outgoing, friendly and have a great life, except that I'm watching everyone else have the fun (I'm also single which is the pits at 300 pounds!!) I'm constantly on the side lines and need to get in the game, so to speak.

Giving Star a little credit - she doesn't want to be a poster child for gastric bypass surgery, and I can understand her wanting her privacy, but whose life is it, anyway? Whether you keep it secret or let it all out - you're doing what is best for you.

From my standpoint - when I have the surgery and get below a size 20, I'm going to shout from the mountain tops!! But then again, I'm not worried about being 50 either!! I'm embracing both GBP and 50 all at once!

So I say - don't be ashamed or afraid to "come out" (so-to-speak) about surgery. It's not taboo any longer and definitely NOT the easy way out!!

in Cupertino

[Guest guest]

Hey all, Well here goes. This may just start a debate, but I'm confused about the reasons for being secretive about the surgery. I have one friend who has had the surgery and although she has only told her closest friends, many people suspect that she had the surgery. In fact, someone who doesn't know, asked me yesterday how Jane (not her real name) has lost so much weight. It was an awkward moment for me but I just told her to ask Jane. She just wanted to know if Jane was sick or something since she'd lost so much weight so fast. I guess I can understand the secrecy to a degree since another of my friends who is carrying about 250 extra pounds thinks that bypass surgery is "cheating". When she said that my chin dropped. But I guess I get that too, since she doesn't have insurance and can't get the surgery. I've

told my boss and several people at work that I'm going to have the surgery and they've been nothing but supportive. My family and friends know and I don't think I could hide it from them. It really amazes me that there's such a stigma around "how" we lose weight. There's no shame in having the surgery. Why treat it that way? Confused and bewildered, Sherri sweetgemlady656@... wrote: Hi Sue, I don't think there is really any reason why she should need to know about your surgery. You friend will lose weight by modifying her eating habits. It won't be as quick as your as but it

will happen also. I don't think that it is necessary that you share with everyone your surgery. When people ask me now how I lost my weight and have kept it off I just tell them I exercise and I watch what I eat. I try to eat as health as possible. I leave it at that. Ramona

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[Guest guest]

Hi there, I'm one year (and 4 days) out. It is a very personal issue as to who you want to tell. I shouted it from the roof tops and give all the info to anyone who wants it. I am proud of the steps I took and do not expect every person I know to be supportive. I do know that many of the people I told also thought I took the "easy way out". I think they should spend a day with the program. My "routine" is the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of at night. Like anybody else in life it is the choices we make. When I told my sister I prefaced it with "I am telling you this for informational purposes only, I don't need your validation". The surgery is by no means "cheating" it still takes hard work and determination. Many of my "friends" at work tell me I look too skinny. I thanks them for their

concern and tell them I am under a Doctors care and am doing great now that I'm off all those medications, THANKS !!! It's funny they can't say too much back. cjkblondie sherri phillips wrote: Hey all, Well here goes. This may just start a debate, but I'm confused about the reasons for being secretive about the surgery. I have one friend who has had the surgery and although she has only told her closest friends, many people suspect that she had the surgery. In fact, someone who doesn't know, asked me yesterday how Jane (not her real name) has lost so much weight. It was an awkward moment for me but I just told her to ask

Jane. She just wanted to know if Jane was sick or something since she'd lost so much weight so fast. I guess I can understand the secrecy to a degree since another of my friends who is carrying about 250 extra pounds thinks that bypass surgery is "cheating". When she said that my chin dropped. But I guess I get that too, since she doesn't have insurance and can't get the surgery. I've told my boss and several people at work that I'm going to have the surgery and they've been nothing but supportive. My family and friends know and I don't think I could hide it from them. It really amazes me that there's such a stigma around "how" we lose weight. There's no shame in having the surgery. Why treat it that way? Confused and bewildered, Sherri sweetgemlady656@... wrote: Hi Sue, I don't think there is really any reason why she should need to know about your surgery. You friend will lose weight by modifying her eating habits. It won't be as quick as your as but it will happen also. I don't think that it is necessary that you share with everyone your surgery. When people ask me now how I lost my weight and have kept it off I just tell them I exercise and I watch what I eat. I try to eat as health as possible. I leave it at that. Ramona Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously low rates.

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[Guest guest]

The reason it was a " secret " was that, as everyone has, there are

friends who are scholarly not sensitive and informed ...and there are

those who are not. Even though they are beauitiful people, they are

quick to say things not based in fact. Since my surgery date was

postponed so many times...( you may remember that I was gowned up on a

gurney and thay had an emergency and it got pushed!)....I was grateful

that nobody knew. The waitresses and cooks at the cafe knew about my

surgery, they served me clear chicken soup and tea for the two weeks

that I was on clear liquids, and mashed potato or gruel for the next

two weeks.... so some people know and others do not. My friends were so

disengaged that they didn't notice....which gave me plenty of time to

safely recover and begin to get healthier!!!!!

BTW.... I'm subbing in a seventh grade class today...it's hot so I do

not have a sweatshirt covering my " progress " ....a lot of kids have

noticed!!!!!! They say I'm skinny, looking good, and ask if I've lost

weight.....I think I'll give them all " A+ " today!

[Guest guest]

This is a really loaded question for a lot of people. Whether

someone chooses to be totally open and up-front about the fact they

they've had WLS, or completely private about it, has a lot to do with

their life experiences and the emotions they carry inside about their

weight.

I'm much more of the " open and up-front " school, personally. I find

that the more I can talk about it with people, the more I help remind

myself that I'm building a new life and new habits. Not everyone is

completely supportive, but then not everyone would be enthusiastic if

I changed my hair color or got a tattoo, either - that's their

problem, not mine! I don't go around announcing it to the world, but

if the subject of weight loss or the change in my habits comes up, I

tell the person that I'm getting ready for weight loss surgery and

what that entails.

But not everyone feels the same way. Lots of people have so much

hurt and pain around the whole topic of weight loss that it's just

not something that they can ever talk about comfortably. Other folks

have a much stronger sense of private, and view weight loss or

surgery as something that isn't anyone else's business.

Cathy C.

[Guest guest]

For me i opted to be open and upfront because one thing i learned with gaining the weight and trying to loose the weight, the biggest thing i learned was " accountability" the more people i tell the more accountable i feel its made me.................. all i can say is that it works for me colleenCathy wrote: This is a really loaded question for a lot of people. Whether someone chooses to be totally open and up-front about the fact they they've had WLS, or completely private about it, has a lot to do with their life experiences and the emotions they carry inside about their weight. I'm much more of the "open and up-front" school, personally. I find that the more I can talk about it with people, the more I help remind myself that I'm building a new life and

new habits. Not everyone is completely supportive, but then not everyone would be enthusiastic if I changed my hair color or got a tattoo, either - that's their problem, not mine! I don't go around announcing it to the world, but if the subject of weight loss or the change in my habits comes up, I tell the person that I'm getting ready for weight loss surgery and what that entails.But not everyone feels the same way. Lots of people have so much hurt and pain around the whole topic of weight loss that it's just not something that they can ever talk about comfortably. Other folks have a much stronger sense of private, and view weight loss or surgery as something that isn't anyone else's business.Cathy C.

Colleen

[Guest guest]

Robynn, I totally agree. I have not told anyone outside of my family and I don't think I will except for a few close friends. I went to a support group mtg this evening and there was a speaker from one of the gyms here in town and wouldn't you know, I knew him. I had taught his kids in preschool and kindergarten. So much for not letting eveyone know. I think it will be okay, he is no longer married ( to one of my friends) and he is a very discreet person, quiet and shy so I'm sure he won't spread it around to our mutual friends etc. at church. Funny huh? Oh well. pegmo1212 wrote: Well, I was going to add my 2 cents in too but Robynn said it all. I tell who I want to tell. And my choice was to tell no one at work. I did have my gallbadder out during my

surgery and for those at work, that's all they know. I aggree, it's not a secret thing but it is private.PEGGY>> I don't know...I think that everyone has the right to privacy with regard to medical procedures. I don't want people watching everything I eat, judging me, taking bets on whether I maintain or not...nor do I want people thinking that they have the right to comment about whether the surgery is a good solution, a "cheater's way out" or whatever. > > It's no one's business but my own. I tell who I want to tell. I had some other health things that were discovered as a result of this process, and that made it even more essential that I get rid of this part of my intestine...but at the same time, that I've elected to have

my innards rearranged or whether I HAD to have them rearranged...all of that is MY business. Period.> > I don't want people to make decisions about me one way or the other based upon my health decisions for my own body.> > So, the people who need to know (lovers, family, close friends) know. I didn't feel compelled to tell right away. I met him a couple of months before my surgery. I told him I had to have surgery, he was supportive during my recovery...but I didn't tell him all of the nuance of the surgery. It wasn't his business.> > On the other hand, I've had overweight people in clothing stores comment on my figure, and I tell them honestly that I've lost over 100 lbs., and how I've done it. I think they deserve to have some hope and enlightenment.

> > Everyone that I've told has been supportive. But, I don't need people at work giving me their opinions. (: actually, I'd prefer if you were a bit more discrete about discussing this with me at work in front of people. This is not a rebuke in any way, but you may not know what my preference is on this subject.)> > As an attorney, I don't want my body to be a topic of discussion. It's not relevent to my job. > > So...the bottom line: do what feels comfortable to you, and tell the people you want to tell. As for your acquaintance...if she is able to control her weight by employing some of the tools that you are using (watching your decreased portion size, and your choice of foods), great. If she gets stuck, or doesn't lose as fast, and starts to get

discouraged...you can tell her, "You know, you've had great success so far in your weight loss and I applaud you for it. I've used the same techniques you have...I eat smaller portions, I exercise. I don't drink and eat at the same time. All of that is important and critically vital to achieving your weightloss goals. But, I want to let you know that I have an additional tool in my arsenal that you don't have, and so I am sharing this with you now, because I don't want you to beat yourself up about the fact that you aren't being as successful as I am. I had a medical procedure done, which I think is my private business and I> don't share this with others because I don't want people to judge me or to know the ins and outs of my private medical history. I am sharing this with you now: I had gastric bypass. It helps keep my appetite at bay, and it will continue to do

that until or unless I overeat and I stretch out my stomach, which has been made surgically smaller. Additionally, I do not fully absorb all of the calories nor the nutrition that I consume. As a result, I can lose weight faster, at least until my body readjusts and adapts to the diminished absorption. I take vitamins every day of my life to make up for the nutritional deficiency. This was a difficult decision to make, but I made it because I was having health problems, and I had not been successful in doing it without this additional tool. Some people. although not many, are able to successfully lose and keep weight off without the surgery. But, I realized that after a lifetime of struggle, that just wasn't happening for me."> > "I'm telling you this because I care about you. I don't know if you are a candidate for this surgery, if you

qualify, or if you are even interested. But, I am sharing this very private thing with you because I see that you are trying hard to lose the weight, I am proud of you for that...and I don't want you to get discouraged about the fact that I'm losing weight faster than you are. I have this tool, you can choose for yourself (along with your medical doctor) whether you want to do this too, whether it will benefit you. If you have any questions, I'm happy to answer them. I just ask that you respect my privacy and not share this information with anybody unless you ask my permission first."> > That's how I would handle it.> > Robynn> >> > Visit your group "gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-patients" on the web.>

>

[Guest guest]

I am new the the group and I have been struggling with the same

issue. Only a few people outside my family know about what type of

surgery I had. I have told a few people that I knew could keep

my 'secret'. There has been a noticeable weightloss since my surgery

on April 10, 2006. I have been running into a few bumps with people.

I have one very obese relative that is now telling everyone that her

doctor didn't advise the surgery because she wasn't 'that' big. She

is almost 100 lbs more than I am. She really just doesn't want

to 'give' up fast food. I had not wanted to tell her about the

surgery but my hubby opened his big mouth. I have gleaned some great

tips from the posts so I am going to try them out.

Thanks for being there.

Bobbie Jo

[Guest guest]

I kinda pick and chose before the surgery, but once the weight started coming off so fast I was up front. I didn't just tell every body, but if they ask I was up front and have been ever since and only had 1 negative person (but now all I get is good remarks from him how great I look, Wow, on and on) and he makes me mad that he even gives me a good remark when he acted like an a _ _ when he heard it was WLS, he's a neighbor. Now I hate to walk out if he's out he always looks me over. I said take a picture! Now he doesn't do it to much, but I don't consider his good remarks any of my possitive. So each has to decide what works for them. Colleen you're doing great. Take care. Donna J.Colleen Garner wrote: For me i opted to be open and upfront because one thing i

learned with gaining the weight and trying to loose the weight, the biggest thing i learned was " accountability" the more people i tell the more accountable i feel its made me.................. all i can say is that it works for me colleenCathy wrote: This is a really loaded question for a lot of people. Whether someone chooses to be totally open and up-front about the fact they they've had WLS, or completely private about it, has a lot to do with their life experiences and the emotions they carry inside about their weight. I'm much more of the "open and up-front" school, personally. I find that the more I can talk about it with people, the more I help remind myself that I'm building a new life and new habits. Not everyone is completely supportive, but then

not everyone would be enthusiastic if I changed my hair color or got a tattoo, either - that's their problem, not mine! I don't go around announcing it to the world, but if the subject of weight loss or the change in my habits comes up, I tell the person that I'm getting ready for weight loss surgery and what that entails.But not everyone feels the same way. Lots of people have so much hurt and pain around the whole topic of weight loss that it's just not something that they can ever talk about comfortably. Other folks have a much stronger sense of private, and view weight loss or surgery as something that isn't anyone else's business.Cathy C. ColleenDonna JordonDSJordon@...

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