Guest guest Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 Jane, I think Cammie has a good point. Not to defend your husband about you getting your wires off sooner (like it's up to you!), but he's also stressed about the whole thing, and is venting it out. Try to take a break, call in somebody for cleanup (cleaning ladies are a godsend!), get a babysitter for your daughter, and go see a movie or something - both of you will feel much better. Healing from this thing is very frustrating, not only for us (patients), but for family members as well. Don't have a huge fight over this - it's not worth it, you're going through enough already. > > I am soo frustrated right now I can barely type from my hands > shaking. My husband whom I love most of the time is mad because he > has to clean the house. I feel so badly I can't even tell you. I > can barely breathe, I just want to get better and heal and he's > telling me it's been no walk in the park for HIM. I don't even know > what to say. It's like if I'm resting he's supposed to be resting. > If he's resting I'm supposed to be working. To top it all off he is > saying how much our daughter is starting to talk and how I need to > get these wires off soon to teach her things! As if it was up to > me!! This kills me! I feel like I'm missing out on an important > time. Do people not get that when you barely eat for a month you > lack energy! I'm sorry I know the end is in sight but sometimes this > whole ordeal seems to go on forever. Even if it has only been > exactly a month of mumbling only to hear people say huh? And drink my > meals for a month. Did I mention I still can't feel most of my > face? Except the red raw nose of course!! Ok sorry I'll stop while > I'm behind.... > Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 Jane, I can totally relate to what you are going through!! DO NOT GIVE IN TO HIS ANTICS!! Let him vent and don't take it to heart. You MUST take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone or anything else. You've had such a hard time with your recovery and adjusting to working again. He knows you need this time to heal. He too is feeling overwhelmed. It can't be easy for him to see you in so much pain and discomfort. It's unfortunate he can't communicate his frustrations better. You are both tired and have been through a lot. If the house doesn't get cleaned today, so what? If you knew me, you'd say this was the pot calling the kettle black. But, after four children, working full-time, hitting the big 4-0 and now braces, I've reassessed what is really important in life. I do what I can, but when I need down time, the dishes sit. My mother-in-law spoiled my husband from day one. When I married him at age 29, I foolishly continued the pattern. As the years went by, I grew tired trying to care for the children, work full-time and keep a spotless house. I neglected myself in the process. I've learned to ask more for help and not take his pouting to heart. I sometimes resent having to constantly ask him to clean the bathroom, etc., but realize this is just the way he handles household chores. And, he's learned when to shut up and start cleaning! I wish you well my friend. Take it easy. We're all pulling for you!! Diane > >Reply-To: orthognathicsurgerysupport >To: orthognathicsurgerysupport >Subject: [Orthognathic Surgery Support ] SO FRUSTRATED >Date: Tue, 22 Mar 2005 22:23:44 -0000 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 Diane, My husband is an only child and was also spoiled. He has been " taken care of " pretty much his whole life and now is having to take on my responsibilities (everything). I don't know how many times I have said " now you know how I feel " I'll try to cut him a little slack (I don't have the energy to fuss) Thanks for your support and I'll try to keep it all togrther! Jane > Jane, > > I can totally relate to what you are going through!! DO NOT GIVE IN TO HIS > ANTICS!! Let him vent and don't take it to heart. You MUST take care of > yourself before you can take care of anyone or anything else. You've had > such a hard time with your recovery and adjusting to working again. He knows > you need this time to heal. He too is feeling overwhelmed. It can't be easy > for him to see you in so much pain and discomfort. It's unfortunate he can't > communicate his frustrations better. > > You are both tired and have been through a lot. If the house doesn't get > cleaned today, so what? If you knew me, you'd say this was the pot calling > the kettle black. But, after four children, working full-time, hitting the > big 4-0 and now braces, I've reassessed what is really important in life. I > do what I can, but when I need down time, the dishes sit. > > My mother-in-law spoiled my husband from day one. When I married him at age > 29, I foolishly continued the pattern. As the years went by, I grew tired > trying to care for the children, work full-time and keep a spotless house. I > neglected myself in the process. > > I've learned to ask more for help and not take his pouting to heart. I > sometimes resent having to constantly ask him to clean the bathroom, etc., > but realize this is just the way he handles household chores. And, he's > learned when to shut up and start cleaning! > > I wish you well my friend. Take it easy. We're all pulling for you!! > > Diane > > > > >From: " janepapillion " <janepapillion@y...> > >Reply-To: orthognathicsurgerysupport > >To: orthognathicsurgerysupport > >Subject: [Orthognathic Surgery Support ] SO FRUSTRATED > >Date: Tue, 22 Mar 2005 22:23:44 -0000 > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 Hi Jane, I am hoping everything is getting smoothed over by this time. I am so so sorry that you are having a hard time with your husband and his limited comprehension of what you have been grapling with for the past month. My boyfriend and I have been going round and round about the same issues for a few days now. I was just wondering today when he's going to wrap his mind around the idea that I'm recovering still and am not up to 100% yet. I hadn't realized I wasn't alone in this. I wish I was rather than you're having to fight with this along with everything else. It totally sucks huh? And feels unfair! Like on top of everything else, you shouldn't also have to be worring about this garbage too!! I start sometimes to wonder what has to happen to me to get some understanding and a little latitude... amputation? coma?? you'd think multiple broken bones in your face should get you a little mileage!!! Sounds like your hubby sort of dumped out all of his frustrations on you. That he is frustrated too is understandable, but to dump them on you and hold them against you isn't fair at all. Totally isn't your responsibility. I'm sure he has trespassed on and benefited from your understanding, patience, and compassion in the past and I am sure he will again in the future. He needs to - not to be crass- suck it up and deal with it and extend some longevity of that same understanding, patience, and compassion towards you. You are already so far along on your way!! I am hoping that, by now, you two have worked this out and have a better understanding and appreciation for eachother... Don't worry about your daughter. She will hear you speak very soon and for a long long time. You are not missing your only window of opportunity for her to learn from you. I am sorry your husband dumped THAT on you on top of everything. Goodness! Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you as you get past these final days and I hope that everything has been worked out by now. I certainly understand some of your frustration and sympathize. Take good care and let us know how the next few days go.... Katja xoxo > > I am soo frustrated right now I can barely type from my hands > shaking. My husband whom I love most of the time is mad because he > has to clean the house. I feel so badly I can't even tell you. I > can barely breathe, I just want to get better and heal and he's > telling me it's been no walk in the park for HIM. I don't even know > what to say. It's like if I'm resting he's supposed to be resting. > If he's resting I'm supposed to be working. To top it all off he is > saying how much our daughter is starting to talk and how I need to > get these wires off soon to teach her things! As if it was up to > me!! This kills me! I feel like I'm missing out on an important > time. Do people not get that when you barely eat for a month you > lack energy! I'm sorry I know the end is in sight but sometimes this > whole ordeal seems to go on forever. Even if it has only been > exactly a month of mumbling only to hear people say huh? And drink my > meals for a month. Did I mention I still can't feel most of my > face? Except the red raw nose of course!! Ok sorry I'll stop while > I'm behind.... > Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Katja, Thanks so much. This is not a time to feel alone that's for sure. I honestly have felt handicaped since the surgery which was a very scary feeling at first. Not being able to do things (like talk!) that you could do with ease before is a feeling I don't think people can understand sometimes. I know I WILL be able to talk but it's still frustrating. I think my husband feels badly about his behavior after seeing me choke up flem all night and then crying this morning because I think my surgeon lied to me about these stitches being dissolvable! As I was crying (already 5 min late for work) I think a light bulb went off in his head (Oh! my wife isn't superwoman and this has been awful on her!) He just had an empathetic look for once and said sorry you have to go through this.Then he made me a protein shake for breakfast. All I really wanted was for him to realize that this has been very hard and still is. I know its almost over but I still have some concerns about my appearance. I feel maybe the OS didn't need to move my top forward but just widen it. I don't know...I'll post some pictures soon and get ya'lls advice. Jane > > > > I am soo frustrated right now I can barely type from my hands > > shaking. My husband whom I love most of the time is mad because he > > has to clean the house. I feel so badly I can't even tell you. I > > can barely breathe, I just want to get better and heal and he's > > telling me it's been no walk in the park for HIM. I don't even > know > > what to say. It's like if I'm resting he's supposed to be > resting. > > If he's resting I'm supposed to be working. To top it all off he > is > > saying how much our daughter is starting to talk and how I need to > > get these wires off soon to teach her things! As if it was up to > > me!! This kills me! I feel like I'm missing out on an important > > time. Do people not get that when you barely eat for a month you > > lack energy! I'm sorry I know the end is in sight but sometimes > this > > whole ordeal seems to go on forever. Even if it has only been > > exactly a month of mumbling only to hear people say huh? And drink > my > > meals for a month. Did I mention I still can't feel most of my > > face? Except the red raw nose of course!! Ok sorry I'll stop while > > I'm behind.... > > Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Diane, Is there any possibility you could hire a part-time (or better yet, full-time) housekeeper? I can't, and used to be embarrassed that I'm such a lousy housekeeper that I really need one. Now I only wish I could! (But I'd have to clean the house before I'd let her -- or him -- in!) Cammie > Jane, > > I can totally relate to what you are going through!! DO NOT GIVE IN TO HIS > ANTICS!! Let him vent and don't take it to heart. You MUST take care of > yourself before you can take care of anyone or anything else. You've had > such a hard time with your recovery and adjusting to working again. He knows > you need this time to heal. He too is feeling overwhelmed. It can't be easy > for him to see you in so much pain and discomfort. It's unfortunate he can't > communicate his frustrations better. > > You are both tired and have been through a lot. If the house doesn't get > cleaned today, so what? If you knew me, you'd say this was the pot calling > the kettle black. But, after four children, working full-time, hitting the > big 4-0 and now braces, I've reassessed what is really important in life. I > do what I can, but when I need down time, the dishes sit. > > My mother-in-law spoiled my husband from day one. When I married him at age > 29, I foolishly continued the pattern. As the years went by, I grew tired > trying to care for the children, work full-time and keep a spotless house. I > neglected myself in the process. > > I've learned to ask more for help and not take his pouting to heart. I > sometimes resent having to constantly ask him to clean the bathroom, etc., > but realize this is just the way he handles household chores. And, he's > learned when to shut up and start cleaning! > > I wish you well my friend. Take it easy. We're all pulling for you!! > > Diane > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 This is so funny. Both my sister and my cousin clean up before their cleaning ladies come - they're too embarrassed about the mess. But isn't the mess the reason you need a cleaning person in the first place? > > Jane, > > > > I can totally relate to what you are going through!! DO NOT GIVE IN > TO HIS > > ANTICS!! Let him vent and don't take it to heart. You MUST take > care of > > yourself before you can take care of anyone or anything else. > You've had > > such a hard time with your recovery and adjusting to working again. > He knows > > you need this time to heal. He too is feeling overwhelmed. It can't > be easy > > for him to see you in so much pain and discomfort. It's unfortunate > he can't > > communicate his frustrations better. > > > > You are both tired and have been through a lot. If the house > doesn't get > > cleaned today, so what? If you knew me, you'd say this was the pot > calling > > the kettle black. But, after four children, working full-time, > hitting the > > big 4-0 and now braces, I've reassessed what is really important in > life. I > > do what I can, but when I need down time, the dishes sit. > > > > My mother-in-law spoiled my husband from day one. When I married > him at age > > 29, I foolishly continued the pattern. As the years went by, I grew > tired > > trying to care for the children, work full-time and keep a spotless > house. I > > neglected myself in the process. > > > > I've learned to ask more for help and not take his pouting to > heart. I > > sometimes resent having to constantly ask him to clean the > bathroom, etc., > > but realize this is just the way he handles household chores. And, > he's > > learned when to shut up and start cleaning! > > > > I wish you well my friend. Take it easy. We're all pulling for you!! > > > > Diane > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.