New poster - 16 month post-op

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone...

I woke up this morning and realized that just over 16 short months

ago I weighed 264 pounds (size 26) and hated myself & life, today I

hang out about 140 pounds (size 11/12) and am now working on the next

stage of my journey - reconstructive surgery.

Let me introduce myself, my name is Kirstin, although most people

call me Kitty or just plain K. I'm 28, married and working on

changing careers so I'm a full timer with part time school. I

normally hang out on the OSSG-STL board and am primarily a lurker. I

don't really " feel " like a graduate and have been

hesitant to post

here but I figured that if anyone would understand my issues it would

be other people like me, dealing with like issues.

I feel like I need support, like I'm letting myself slip. I'm not

exercising much at all – a recent car accident has been the

perfect

reason due to pulling the major muscles in my lower back , but prior

to that it was like pulling teeth to get me to do anything. I think,

I know this sounds corny, but its because with all this damned extra

skin I can't SEE what the working out and exercising is doing. The

weight training has done nothing about the size, weight of the skin

and its messing with my mind. I am in the process of working with my

health insurance carrier to get the reconstructive surgeries

(abdominoplasty & mastopexy) approved. I fought with them for 12

months for my RNY so I'm sure my perseverance will pay off but

it's

hard to deal with from a mental aspect. My reconstructive surgeon

(Dr. Young) believes I will lose approximately 8-12 pounds in just

all the skin he plans to remove. As well, he's guessing I'll

be a

size 6 or 8. I find all this very hard to believe and have huge

issues with self imagine and that terrible thing most people call a

mirror (can that be a four letter word?). Would you believe that

I'm

more scared of the reconstructive surgery than I ever was of the RNY?

I don't get that. I'd love to be able to get back to my RNY

surgeon

and find out if all this is normal but he's stopped practicing

medicine and his replacement is booked – besides, I don't

want to

take up an appointment spot that a pre-op could have.

My eating habits have really gone to hell in a hand basket. My sweet

husband has started low carb because he's about 30 pounds overweight,

I probably should join him. I found myself munching on M & Ms yesterday

knowing full well I would feel like crap afterwards with a tummy ache

and quick runs to the potty but it didn't stop me <sigh>.

Granted I

don't do that often, but it scares me to death when I do.

Am I alone or is someone out there having similar issues as I am? I

sound pathetic I'm sorry but I just needed to get this out. I

can't

talk to hubby because he won't understand. The sweet man always

says, " honey, I loved you @ 264 pounds and I love you now –

extra

skin included – its all you to me " . I'm very lucky to

have such a

good man by my side but I need some real, practical advice from

people going through (or have gone though) what I am going though.

Can anyone help?

TIA for you time in reading this, I know without this community of

sisters and brothers no one would understand…

Kirstin

264/140/135 (-124)

post op march 5, 2003 (16 months!)

awaiting approval -- reconstructive surgery set august 5, 2003