RE: Friends ......recopy of one of the missing posts

[Guest guest]

Here is a copy of the post about friends that I sent that never

showed up.... sorry if someone already got it and getting it again

but I did not see it anywhere in the archives and I sent it last

night.

ICE

I would like to make a couple of observations here. The opinions I

express are solely my own and I don't expect anyone to conform to

them. It is not my intent to make anyone angry here so if toes get

stepped on, please please forgive me in advance.

Let me start by saying, a TRUE friend will be supportive in your

endeavors in life and be happy with you, be sad with you, and

everything in between. True friends are hard to come by. The rest

are acquaintances and that is different.

I have found that with the possibility of this surgery, I have become

dedicated in finding out as much information as I can therefore, it

surrounds me. I talk about it, I ask about it, I think it.......

most of the time. Who wouldn't? Life changing is a key word here.

A new lease on life is another. And in my case.... an occasional

dose of obsessed fits the bill too....

My daughter is sick to death of hearing about " the surgery " and I

can't say as I blame her.

I have gotten caught up in it...... and I have not even been approved

yet.

I think that we might all be guilty of getting wrapped up in the

idea, the process, the surgery, and the results. Should we be??? OH

YES... and I don't blame a soul for being more than beyond thrilled

about losing weight after being heavy for so long. I KNOW I will be!

I think though, that we need to make a conscious effort to not

bombard those who might not understand 24/7. After all, they don't

know where we are coming from totally. Especially if they are thin

and never had problems with weight. I echo others sentiments in that

they may be jealous, threatened, or whatever..... after all, not all

of our shortcomings are as visible as a weight problem.

I am thankful for the group so that we can come together and talk

about it with others who understand and who are just as wrapped up as

we are in the process and progress.

The others might need smaller doses of it. I hope this makes sense

without offending.

This is one of the reasons I am for my husband and I to have it

together.... so we will both understand at the same time and one

won't be burned out hearing about something they have not experienced

yet.

I don't think I would ever walk up to someone and ask their weight in

a normal circumstance so I am not sure I would in the case of my

weight loss either. After all, every body is different and 130 on

one person might not look the same as 130 on me. Now, mind you, I am

not chastising you for asking them but I have to think what it would

make them feel like.

I am not saying the the rude remarks are called for.. they are

not.....

Maybe you could approach them and let them know that you are just

excited with your new self and wanted to share the excitement with

them and I personally would ask them to kindly let you know if you

are going too overboard so that you can keep yourself in check. I

would also let them know that I don't appreciate being talked badly

about behind my back.

That is where a true friend would come in...... they would help you

not get too obsessed with it and wear the subject out. I know that

the weight loss is a DRAMATIC thing and that you and everyone who is

going through it is on top of the world..... and rightly so..... BUT

to the others in our lives, there is other things to life than the

surgery and the weight loss.

My daughter is my true friend and she is helping me stay grounded and

keep from going overboard. When I talk too much about it, we have

this little key phrase.... that we both know is non

confrontational.... she will simply say.... How about those dodgers?

At that point, I know that I have worn it thin for then and I know

that she is not " attacking " me and that it is not a personal thing...

just a slight reminder that I am getting too wrapped up.

I believe communication is the most important thing in life... period.

I think that you should go and talk with your friends and let them

know that you are excited.... not trying to brag and not trying to be

threatening. I think they need to know that you are still the friend

they liked... just weigh less. Maybe they think that the rest of

your friendship together will be focused totally on the weight loss

and not the other things in life. Maybe they don't see it as a

exciting new thing that will ebb with time.

I hope that I have not hurt any feelings and I hope that my feelings

came across correctly because I am not minimizing your (meaning

anyone's and everyone's) weight loss, your new self esteem, or any

of that. I am happy, proud and thrilled for you (meaning everyone

who is going through this). You have done something for yourself and

that is something to be VERY proud of ......

Granted, I have been on pain medications for the past week and

probably should not have attempted this right now but I felt that I

needed to say what was going on in my head and in my daily life and

how I deal with it. I just hope that it came out in the spirit that

I intended it to and that I have not offended anyone... honest, that

is not the way I am and surely not my intentions.

Keep your head up high and let your self esteem glow from you for all

to see. The natural glow of self confidence speaks so much louder

than our voices and cannot be seen as pushy, overbearing, boastful,

or whatever. You have done a great thing for yourself and for those

who love you. Take care of yourself and at night before you go to

bed, go into the bathroom, look at that wonderful person in the

mirror and say with a big smile...... YOU HAVE DONE GOOD!

After all, it is you that you have to please... not everyone

else. .... right?

Those who really matter will see your progress and know you are doing

the right things.

Like I said before, please know that I am not trying to make anyone

mad.... just how I feel and how I see things and what my daughter has

shared with me about my own actions.

~hugs~

ICE

[Guest guest]

I love this!!! Back in the beginning of our marriage I had a phrase that I

would use when my husband was getting way too confrontational for me to be

able to handle. My phrase was 'back off' -- and it worked most of the time

because that was his key to realize that he had gone overboard. But the

phrase you and your daughter have is so much nicer and less

confrontational... it's a beautiful thing. Hats off to you for that one.

<< When I talk too much about it, we have this little key phrase.... that

we both know is non confrontational.... she will simply say.... How about

those dodgers? >>