Re: OT-Not invited to a B'day

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 09/07/2001 6:45:40 PM US Mountain Standard Time,

wrdupuy@... writes:

> Hey guys. Please give me some suggestions on how to handle this. I have

> been friends with a women for 5 years, good friends, our oldest daughters

> are the same age, then I have another, then we have sons the same

> age-3/1/2-4. Tomorrow is her sons b'day party. She told me last week that

> she wasn't inviting my son because " he really can't eat the cake. " Then

> the invitation came, and had only my 2 daughter's names on it, both of

> which are years older than her son. I was scared to tell my husband

> because he holds major grudges and would politely tell her where to shove

> it. Our daughters do dancing, gym, soccer, everything together. My son

> does gym with her son. They are in the same class at school. He is un

> diagnosed, and nolonger fits ASD criteria. He is sooo well behaved, better

> than both of her children. Well, tomorrow, our daughters cheer at a

> football game-we have season tickets beside each other (they are on a

> college junior squad. Today, had 9 fillings in his mouth. He is so

> swollen he can't talk or eat, and he has 2 more appts to go for the root

> canals. When I look at him it made me really break down to know that he

> gos through so much, and then is totally excluded for a lame reason. We

> are even taking family vacations with these people in October and February,

> that's how close I thought we were. Please someone, how do I handle this ?

> I have no choice but to see her 4 times a week!!

> Thanks,

>

I'm sorry.. This is just MO, but I would have to tell her where to shove it

too. My best friend has kids about the same age as my kids, and not only

would she NEVER dream of NOT including .. She goes out of her way to

stock things in HER pantry that CAN have so he won't feel left out..

That is incredibly rude and insensitive of your friend to do that, and...

well, I'm just speechless.

[Guest guest]

Wow. There must be some major communication problem between you and your

friend if she thinks it's okay not to invite your son to that party

because of the cake. Maybe for some odd reason she got it in her head

that you think that is the best thing to do. I would say something ASAP

to straighten it out. Maybe you need to be very direct. Or else,

rethink your relationship with her.

If talking it over with her doesn't make a difference, I wouldn't send

any of my children to the party. No way, I would do that to my son. I

would do something else on that day instead. Something special that he

and your daughters could all participate in like bowling or roller

skating or something.

Good luck. Hope you work it out.

Charlene

[Guest guest]

If it were me, I would spell it out to her just way you posted it.

Just say, " I am confused here, maybe you can help me understand " and

then repeat all the stuff you do together, and then say, " the part

about the cake seems really lame, what do you mean? " Or you can say

that you received the invitation and you really didn't think she was

serious about not inviting your son and so you need to talk about

this now. (Really, what a clod to invite two siblings out of three

when you know the family even half way. That is just rude.)

Maybe there is something SHE is confused about concerning your son or

some feelings she has that she isn't dealing with. Being anything

less than blunt about it will cause ill feelings to harbor. Jump the

gun to help her deal with whatever her problem is.

Good luck.

.

[Guest guest]

Ask her nicely but bluntly why she didnt invite him. How will our children

learn to be compassionate and accepting if the adults arent?

karen

[Guest guest]

If you are so close then why would she do such an awful thing like this.

Hasn't she seen everything you have gone through? The ones I consider my

close friends are the ones who understand what I have gone through and look

at my son as a child and nothing else. Why can't you bring a cupcake to the

party for him to eat? She has to see you all the time but has the nerve to

tell you that she is not inviting your son because of the cake? That sounds

strange to me. I would tell her how it makes you feel in the best way you

can ( I know that can be hard to do) but friends don't do that to friends.

Sorry

MA

[Guest guest]

-Your story made me tear up-how unfeeling of your " friend " to do such

a thing. I absolutely think you should call her on it-and although

your families are closely involved-if she doesn't understand why your

feelings are hurt-don't spend time with her anymore. That is just

wrong and so uncaring. I remember the first school friend birthday

party my daughter was invited to (she's 7 now) and it was such a huge

thing for ME! To have her included! If one of my friends excluded her

I wouldn't think twice about what would happen. I hope this works out

for you. I totally agree that the cake thing is lame-I take a bag of

frozen frosted/decorated cupcakes and brownies to school in the fall

for them to keep in the cafeteria freezer for school parties so my

daughter has something too and its no big deal to her or the other

kids-kids eat different things for religious reasons, etc. Hang in

there.

Kathy-- In GFCFKids@y..., " Wendi Dupuy "

<wrdupuy@h...> wrote:

> Hey guys. Please give me some suggestions on how to handle this.

I have been friends with a women for 5 years, good friends, our

oldest daughters are the same age, then I have another, then we have

sons the same age-3/1/2-4. Tomorrow is her sons b'day party. She

told me last week that she wasn't inviting my son because " he really

can't eat the cake. " Then the invitation came, and had only my 2

daughter's names on it, both of which are years older than her son.

I was scared to tell my husband because he holds major grudges and

would politely tell her where to shove it. Our daughters do dancing,

gym, soccer, everything together. My son does gym with her son.

They are in the same class at school. He is un diagnosed, and

nolonger fits ASD criteria. He is sooo well behaved, better than

both of her children. Well, tomorrow, our daughters cheer at a

football game-we have season tickets beside each other (they are on a

college junior squad. Today, had 9 fillings in his mouth. He

is so swollen he can't talk or eat, and he has 2 more appts to go for

the root canals. When I look at him it made me really break down to

know that he gos through so much, and then is totally excluded for a

lame reason. We are even taking family vacations with these people

in October and February, that's how close I thought we were. Please

someone, how do I handle this ? I have no choice but to see her 4

times a week!!

> Thanks,

> Wendi

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I might pretend that she made an oversight...I'd say something like " I

noticed my son's name was missing from the invitation and figured you were

just so busy you forgot. I'd love him to be able to wish your son a great

birthday and would love to send his own cake/food along with him so it won't

be any trouble for you. Is there anything I can do to help you prepare for

the party? " You know, kill them with kindness. If she then comes back with

not wanting your son at the party, then it may be time to rethink the

friendship. I'm so sorry this has happened. Hugs,

[Guest guest]

The only response that I can think of is.......Get over it.

It's not a big deal. So what? Who cares? Get over it and move on.....these

are the SMALL things as all of us are well aware of.....

Am sincerely not attempting to be unkind; just putting out my opinion.

Holley

[Guest guest]

When my boys are invited to a birthday party, I always supply my own

food. I call ahead to find out what's being served so that I can make my

own versions of it. So far, it's worked out well. If you want to remain

friends with this woman, I would call her and tell her that you will

provide your son's foods and if she is still hesitant, I would (calmly)

explain that you cannot possibly attend and neither will your daughters.

It will make life awkward for awhile, but perhaps she'll get the message.

It sounds like a sad situation all around.

Good luck.

( & Malachi's mom)

[Guest guest]

In regard to the birthday party and not being invited:

It is too bad that your friend did not ask you what she or you could do to

make the birthday party work for your child diet-wise. I have not had that

experience with any friends.

But what I have done with friends is let them know often and clearly that my

son's foods taste great. I have treated my son's neighborhood friends with

different cookies and cakes and they always like them. I will usually have

my son bring his own cake to a party and truly, the other kids often like his

cake more than the regular cake. So advertise a little about your

flexibility to help others include your child in activities that include food.

Felicia