Re: (No Shame Here!) While I was away.....

[Guest guest]

Well, to chose or not to chose, that is the question.

While I was going through the process, I did tell

people and I continued to tell people post surgery. I

have since stopped telling people about the surgery

and not because of shame. There is the factor that due

to ignorance about the positives of the surgery it

will rear its ugly head and you don't want to have to

justify to anyone why you make the decisions that you

make for yourself when you are an adult. I have just

had my pastics done (4/19/06-and all went well) and I

did not share that with too many people and not

because of shame. At this point in my life, this is

just a completion for me and I really don't want to be

classified or known, etc. as the gastric bypass

person/ptaient because there is so much more to me

than the surgery and the weight that I lost. Just

remember the choice is yours and people have to

respect it, not should but HAVE to respect it so

proceed with caution. You can always say as Ramona

does (watching what she eats and exercise) or you can

just simply say " this really is not open for

discussion and I would really appreciate it if you

would give me the respect by allowing me to not

discuss this matter with you " . I know that sounds

harsh but life if harsh and when it gets down to it,

at best, people really are not that concerned with you

(not really you) rather, they are just curious or as I

call it..NOSEY.

Be encouraged and sorry if I sounded rude I do

apologize but I am just keeping it real.

Pam Marsh

--- Hadsell wrote:

> Sorry all, I was a bit harsh. I blurted out some

> stuff that I feel very strongly about but I do

> realize people would like to be more private and

> maybe I should even think about being a little more

> private. I mean, I've been going at this for over a

> year and still haven't had my surgery yet (major

> issues here!) and people are starting to wonder.

>

> I am a Stay-At-Home Mom but I can only imagine how

> it would be if I did have a " work place " . Women

> especially, can be really " caddy " and " petty " . I

> think that's one of the reasons why I would just

> rather stay home with the 4 kiddo's instead of

> working (plus, I am a big advocate of raising my own

> kids).

>

> So...I hope I didn't rattle anyone with my

> provocative ways. Sorry!

>

> I do want to respect other peoples privacy issues.

>

>

> Love,

>

> Jenn

>

> P.S. My life is an open book though, I seem to get

> more out of life being that way. But that is just

> for me, I don't want to shove my opinions down

> anyones throat! xoxoxox

>

> Hadsell wrote:

> I'm an open book, so I don't relate to the shame

> aspect either. Sorry I use the word " Shame " ....I

> don't mean to offend anyone here, please. I know

> some people are way more private than me. I just

> used the word SHAME because NOT telling people makes

> me feel there is a SHAME factor involved in NOT

> telling....

>

> I will benefit GREATLY with this surgery and I

> don't care if the whole world knows. Who knows?

> Maybe by me telling someone, I can help save someone

> else's life. I can expect to live approx. 10 or so

> more years if I DON'T get the surgery (or at least

> be a heavy burden on my family in a wheelchair)

> because I can lose my feel/legs due to my Terrible

> Diabetes & High Blood Pressure (Many, Many

> Co-Morbidities with me).

>

> So, I take the time to at least tell people about

> how it will ultimately " save my life " and I won't

> have diabetes anymore (possibly), yada, yada....

>

> Some people are just pretty secretive and some are

> not. I am not.

>

> I will tell everyone, everything about me if they

> care to listen ALMOST everyone I meet has nice

> things to say about it, some are just a little

> " leary " but most people, given the chance to let it

> sink in a bit, will totally understand. Especially

> once I tell people that Kaiser doesn't had this

> surgery out to just anyone.

>

> I am big on support and LOTS of it.

>

> Screw people who think ill of the surgery, they

> can BITE ME!

>

> Love,

>

> Jenn

>

>

>

>

> sherri phillips wrote:

> Hey all,

>

> Well here goes. This may just start a debate, but

> I'm confused about the reasons for being secretive

> about the surgery. I have one friend who has had

> the surgery and although she has only told her

> closest friends, many people suspect that she had

> the surgery. In fact, someone who doesn't know,

> asked me yesterday how Jane (not her real name) has

> lost so much weight. It was an awkward moment for

> me but I just told her to ask Jane. She just wanted

> to know if Jane was sick or something since she'd

> lost so much weight so fast.

>

> I guess I can understand the secrecy to a degree

> since another of my friends who is carrying about

> 250 extra pounds thinks that bypass surgery is

> " cheating " . When she said that my chin dropped.

> But I guess I get that too, since she doesn't have

> insurance and can't get the surgery.

>

> I've told my boss and several people at work that

> I'm going to have the surgery and they've been

> nothing but supportive. My family and friends know

> and I don't think I could hide it from them. It

> really amazes me that there's such a stigma around

> " how " we lose weight. There's no shame in having

> the surgery. Why treat it that way?

>

> Confused and bewildered,

>

> Sherri

>

>

>

> sweetgemlady656@... wrote:

> Hi Sue,

> I don't think there is really any reason why she

> should need to know about your surgery. You friend

> will lose weight by modifying her eating habits. It

> won't be as quick as your as but it will happen

> also. I don't think that it is necessary that you

> share with everyone your surgery. When people ask me

> now how I lost my weight and have kept it off I just

> tell them I exercise and I watch what I eat. I try

> to eat as health as possible. I leave it at that.

> Ramona

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for

> ridiculously low rates.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ya, you're are right. Most people are really just nosey, not really concerned about the real you. That pisses me off because I am such a feeling/sensitive type. I hurt when others hurt. I've always been that way. I may start to Not tell so many people because all in all, they really don't care and I shouldn't be wasting my time telling the whole world. Like you all said, if it could benefit someone, I may have to be more picky at who I tell what to. Thanks for all the advice & I didn't even know I was gonna have such a change of heart! Love, Jenn P.S. I really am an open book and if I look back at things, maybe I've scared some people at being my friend. Maybe I've given TMI (too much information)! hahaha

Pamela A Marsh wrote: Well, to chose or not to chose, that is the question.While I was going through the process, I did tellpeople and I continued to tell people post surgery. Ihave since stopped telling people about the surgeryand not because of shame. There is the factor that dueto ignorance about the positives of the surgery itwill rear its ugly head and you don't want to have tojustify to anyone why you make the decisions that youmake for yourself when you are an adult. I have justhad my pastics done (4/19/06-and all went well) and Idid not share that with too many people and notbecause of shame. At this point in my life, this isjust a completion for me and I really don't want to beclassified or known, etc. as the gastric

bypassperson/ptaient because there is so much more to methan the surgery and the weight that I lost. Justremember the choice is yours and people have torespect it, not should but HAVE to respect it soproceed with caution. You can always say as Ramonadoes (watching what she eats and exercise) or you canjust simply say "this really is not open fordiscussion and I would really appreciate it if youwould give me the respect by allowing me to notdiscuss this matter with you". I know that soundsharsh but life if harsh and when it gets down to it,at best, people really are not that concerned with you(not really you) rather, they are just curious or as Icall it..NOSEY.Be encouraged and sorry if I sounded rude I doapologize but I am just keeping it real.Pam Marsh--- Hadsell wrote:> Sorry all, I was a bit harsh. I blurted out some>

stuff that I feel very strongly about but I do> realize people would like to be more private and> maybe I should even think about being a little more> private. I mean, I've been going at this for over a> year and still haven't had my surgery yet (major> issues here!) and people are starting to wonder. > > I am a Stay-At-Home Mom but I can only imagine how> it would be if I did have a "work place". Women> especially, can be really "caddy" and "petty". I> think that's one of the reasons why I would just> rather stay home with the 4 kiddo's instead of> working (plus, I am a big advocate of raising my own> kids).> > So...I hope I didn't rattle anyone with my> provocative ways. Sorry!> > I do want to respect other peoples privacy issues.>

> > Love,> > Jenn> > P.S. My life is an open book though, I seem to get> more out of life being that way. But that is just> for me, I don't want to shove my opinions down> anyones throat! xoxoxox> > Hadsell wrote:> I'm an open book, so I don't relate to the shame> aspect either. Sorry I use the word "Shame"....I> don't mean to offend anyone here, please. I know> some people are way more private than me. I just> used the word SHAME because NOT telling people makes> me feel there is a SHAME factor involved in NOT> telling....> > I will benefit GREATLY with this surgery and I> don't care if the whole world knows. Who knows?> Maybe by me telling

someone, I can help save someone> else's life. I can expect to live approx. 10 or so> more years if I DON'T get the surgery (or at least> be a heavy burden on my family in a wheelchair)> because I can lose my feel/legs due to my Terrible> Diabetes & High Blood Pressure (Many, Many> Co-Morbidities with me).> > So, I take the time to at least tell people about> how it will ultimately "save my life" and I won't> have diabetes anymore (possibly), yada, yada....> > Some people are just pretty secretive and some are> not. I am not.> > I will tell everyone, everything about me if they> care to listen ALMOST everyone I meet has nice> things to say about it, some are just a little> "leary" but most people, given the chance to let it> sink in a bit, will

totally understand. Especially> once I tell people that Kaiser doesn't had this> surgery out to just anyone.> > I am big on support and LOTS of it. > > Screw people who think ill of the surgery, they> can BITE ME!> > Love,> > Jenn> > > > > sherri phillips wrote:> Hey all,> > Well here goes. This may just start a debate, but> I'm confused about the reasons for being secretive> about the surgery. I have one friend who has had> the surgery and although she has only told her> closest friends, many people suspect that she had> the

surgery. In fact, someone who doesn't know,> asked me yesterday how Jane (not her real name) has> lost so much weight. It was an awkward moment for> me but I just told her to ask Jane. She just wanted> to know if Jane was sick or something since she'd> lost so much weight so fast.> > I guess I can understand the secrecy to a degree> since another of my friends who is carrying about> 250 extra pounds thinks that bypass surgery is> "cheating". When she said that my chin dropped. > But I guess I get that too, since she doesn't have> insurance and can't get the surgery. > > I've told my boss and several people at work that> I'm going to have the surgery and they've been> nothing but supportive. My family and friends know> and I don't think I could hide it from them.

It> really amazes me that there's such a stigma around> "how" we lose weight. There's no shame in having> the surgery. Why treat it that way?> > Confused and bewildered,> > Sherri> > > > sweetgemlady656@... wrote:> Hi Sue,> I don't think there is really any reason why she> should need to know about your surgery. You friend> will lose weight by modifying her eating habits. It> won't be as quick as your as but it will happen> also. I don't think that it is necessary that you> share with everyone your surgery. When people ask me> now how I lost my weight and have kept it off I just> tell them I exercise and I watch what I eat. I try> to eat as health as possible. I leave it at

that. > Ramona> > > ---------------------------------> Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for> ridiculously low rates. > >

[Guest guest]

I am at the beginning of this process and I have to admit I have

given the " to tell or not to tell " question a lot of thought. For

me, I have decided not to tell very many people. It's not that I am

ashamed, actually I am quite proud of making a decision that will

hopefull improve my health and quality of life. I choose not to tell

some people in my life because I know they will not be supportive.

At this point in my life I don't need negative peoplpe dragging me

down and second guessing my decisions. I am doing this for me and

no one else. My mother had WLS a couple of years ago and I watched

a lot of people tell her she was wrong for doing it. I agree with

Pam, I am not just an obese person or a gastric-bypass patient. I

am so much more and simply want the ability to live my life in a

healthy way and be able to do all the things that other " normal "

people do.

I hope I wasn't too rude either.

Karan

> > Hi Sue,

> > I don't think there is really any reason why she

> > should need to know about your surgery. You friend

> > will lose weight by modifying her eating habits. It

> > won't be as quick as your as but it will happen

> > also. I don't think that it is necessary that you

> > share with everyone your surgery. When people ask me

> > now how I lost my weight and have kept it off I just

> > tell them I exercise and I watch what I eat. I try

> > to eat as health as possible. I leave it at that.

> > Ramona

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for

> > ridiculously low rates.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

:

AMEN! I simply don't have the energy to waste on negative people

because it just zaps me!

I'd rather use that energy to run a marathon! Which I can now do

thanks for gastric bypass surgery.

This Saturday, I'll be running 18 miles with my pace group of 20-

somethings. When I sit back and think about it, it blows my mind.

Also, by NOT making it an issue at work, I am NOT the diet guru or

the go-to guy for diet tips and advice. The only thing worse than

having questions asked about how I lost the weight are diet

confessionals from people (mostly women) who want to confess all the

crap they ate. Um... how do I say this politely? I really don't

give a rat's behind what they put in their mouth.

No shame here either. Just private pride. Just as info isn't

deserved by everyone, neither is my joy. When I share joy with

people who don't get it, it is diminished. When I share my joy with

those who uplift me, the joy unfolds in multi-dimensional ever-

expanding wonder. It multiplies and expands in all our hearts.

Francisco

> > > Hi Sue,

> > > I don't think there is really any reason why she

> > > should need to know about your surgery. You friend

> > > will lose weight by modifying her eating habits. It

> > > won't be as quick as your as but it will happen

> > > also. I don't think that it is necessary that you

> > > share with everyone your surgery. When people ask me

> > > now how I lost my weight and have kept it off I just

> > > tell them I exercise and I watch what I eat. I try

> > > to eat as health as possible. I leave it at that.

> > > Ramona

> > >

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for

> > > ridiculously low rates.

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Jenn, I think you are just fine and will be fine.

Just be encouraged and hang in there hon. Just

remember its your choice.

Pam Marsh

--- Hadsell wrote:

> Ya, you're are right.

>

> Most people are really just nosey, not really

> concerned about the real you.

>

> That pisses me off because I am such a

> feeling/sensitive type. I hurt when others hurt.

> I've always been that way.

>

> I may start to Not tell so many people because all

> in all, they really don't care and I shouldn't be

> wasting my time telling the whole world.

>

> Like you all said, if it could benefit someone, I

> may have to be more picky at who I tell what to.

>

> Thanks for all the advice & I didn't even know I

> was gonna have such a change of heart!

>

> Love,

>

> Jenn

>

> P.S. I really am an open book and if I look back

> at things, maybe I've scared some people at being my

> friend. Maybe I've given TMI (too much information)!

> hahaha

>

> Pamela A Marsh wrote:

> Well, to chose or not to chose, that is the

> question.

> While I was going through the process, I did tell

> people and I continued to tell people post surgery.

> I

> have since stopped telling people about the surgery

> and not because of shame. There is the factor that

> due

> to ignorance about the positives of the surgery it

> will rear its ugly head and you don't want to have

> to

> justify to anyone why you make the decisions that

> you

> make for yourself when you are an adult. I have

> just

> had my pastics done (4/19/06-and all went well) and

> I

> did not share that with too many people and not

> because of shame. At this point in my life, this is

> just a completion for me and I really don't want to

> be

> classified or known, etc. as the gastric bypass

> person/ptaient because there is so much more to me

> than the surgery and the weight that I lost. Just

> remember the choice is yours and people have to

> respect it, not should but HAVE to respect it so

> proceed with caution. You can always say as Ramona

> does (watching what she eats and exercise) or you

> can

> just simply say " this really is not open for

> discussion and I would really appreciate it if you

> would give me the respect by allowing me to not

> discuss this matter with you " . I know that sounds

> harsh but life if harsh and when it gets down to it,

> at best, people really are not that concerned with

> you

> (not really you) rather, they are just curious or as

> I

> call it..NOSEY.

>

> Be encouraged and sorry if I sounded rude I do

> apologize but I am just keeping it real.

>

> Pam Marsh

>

> --- Hadsell wrote:

>

> > Sorry all, I was a bit harsh. I blurted out some

> > stuff that I feel very strongly about but I do

> > realize people would like to be more private and

> > maybe I should even think about being a little

> more

> > private. I mean, I've been going at this for over

> a

> > year and still haven't had my surgery yet (major

> > issues here!) and people are starting to wonder.

> >

> > I am a Stay-At-Home Mom but I can only imagine

> how

> > it would be if I did have a " work place " . Women

> > especially, can be really " caddy " and " petty " . I

> > think that's one of the reasons why I would just

> > rather stay home with the 4 kiddo's instead of

> > working (plus, I am a big advocate of raising my

> own

> > kids).

> >

> > So...I hope I didn't rattle anyone with my

> > provocative ways. Sorry!

> >

> > I do want to respect other peoples privacy

> issues.

> >

> >

> > Love,

> >

> > Jenn

> >

> > P.S. My life is an open book though, I seem to

> get

> > more out of life being that way. But that is just

> > for me, I don't want to shove my opinions down

> > anyones throat! xoxoxox

> >

> > Hadsell wrote:

> > I'm an open book, so I don't relate to the

> shame

> > aspect either. Sorry I use the word " Shame " ....I

> > don't mean to offend anyone here, please. I know

> > some people are way more private than me. I just

> > used the word SHAME because NOT telling people

> makes

> > me feel there is a SHAME factor involved in NOT

> > telling....

> >

> > I will benefit GREATLY with this surgery and I

> > don't care if the whole world knows. Who knows?

> > Maybe by me telling someone, I can help save

> someone

> > else's life. I can expect to live approx. 10 or so

> > more years if I DON'T get the surgery (or at least

> > be a heavy burden on my family in a wheelchair)

> > because I can lose my feel/legs due to my Terrible

> > Diabetes & High Blood Pressure (Many, Many

> > Co-Morbidities with me).

> >

> > So, I take the time to at least tell people

> about

> > how it will ultimately " save my life " and I won't

> > have diabetes anymore (possibly), yada, yada....

> >

> > Some people are just pretty secretive and some

> are

> > not. I am not.

> >

> > I will tell everyone, everything about me if

> they

> > care to listen ALMOST everyone I meet has nice

> > things to say about it, some are just a little

> > " leary " but most people, given the chance to let

> it

> > sink in a bit, will totally understand. Especially

> > once I tell people that Kaiser doesn't had this

> > surgery out to just anyone.

> >

> > I am big on support and LOTS of it.

> >

> > Screw people who think ill of the surgery, they

> > can BITE ME!

> >

> > Love,

> >

> > Jenn

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > sherri phillips wrote:

> > Hey all,

> >

> > Well here goes. This may just start a debate,

> but

> > I'm confused about the reasons for being secretive

> > about the surgery. I have one friend who has had

> > the surgery and although she has only told her

> > closest friends, many people suspect that she had

> > the surgery. In fact, someone who doesn't know,

> > asked me yesterday how Jane (not her real name)

> has

> > lost so much weight. It was an awkward moment for

> > me but I just told her to ask Jane. She just

> wanted

> > to know if Jane was sick or something since she'd

> > lost so much weight so fast.

> >

> > I guess I can understand the secrecy to a degree

> > since another of my friends who is carrying about

> > 250 extra pounds thinks that bypass surgery is

> > " cheating " . When she said that my chin dropped.

> > But I guess I get that too, since she doesn't have

> > insurance and can't get the surgery.

> >

> > I've told my boss and several people at work

> that

> > I'm going to have the surgery and they've been

> > nothing but supportive. My family and friends

> know

> > and I don't think I could hide it from them. It

> > really amazes me that there's such a stigma around

> > " how " we lose weight. There's no shame in having

> > the surgery. Why treat it that way?

> >

>

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Francisco Congratulations on the great work for the marathon. I just did the Relay for Life (for cancer) this last Friday and Saturday. We walked one hour then rest while our team mates did their laps, then it would be your turn again, not sure how much we walked in the 24 hours but it was a lot, with screws in my feet, still one bad knee, fybromialgia and arthritis and 50 years young, it's unbelievable that I can do this. With all the weight before surgery walking and running my daycare was about all I could manage. Life is so great now! Glad things are good for you. Take care. Donna J.manisodream wrote: :AMEN! I simply don't have the energy to waste on negative people because it just zaps me!I'd rather use that energy to run a

marathon! Which I can now do thanks for gastric bypass surgery.This Saturday, I'll be running 18 miles with my pace group of 20-somethings. When I sit back and think about it, it blows my mind.Also, by NOT making it an issue at work, I am NOT the diet guru or the go-to guy for diet tips and advice. The only thing worse than having questions asked about how I lost the weight are diet confessionals from people (mostly women) who want to confess all the crap they ate. Um... how do I say this politely? I really don't give a rat's behind what they put in their mouth.No shame here either. Just private pride. Just as info isn't deserved by everyone, neither is my joy. When I share joy with people who don't get it, it is diminished. When I share my joy with those who uplift me, the joy unfolds in multi-dimensional ever-expanding wonder. It multiplies and

expands in all our hearts.Francisco> > > Hi Sue,> > > I don't think there is really any reason why she> > > should need to know about your surgery. You friend> > > will lose weight by modifying her eating habits. It> > > won't be as quick as your as but it will happen> > > also. I don't think that it is necessary that you> > > share with everyone your surgery. When people ask me> > > now how I lost my weight and have kept it off I just> > > tell them I exercise and I watch what I eat. I try> > > to eat as health as possible. I leave it at that. > > > Ramona> > > > > > > > >

---------------------------------> > > Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for> > > ridiculously low rates. > > > > > >