window of opportunity- i'm out of lurkdom :)

May 2, 2003

hello everyone,

this thread brought even ME out of lurkdom.

i had my surgery in jan of '99 5'3 " weighing 206.5

lost steadily 100 pounds, and heard for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE from " daddy

dearest "

" Jodi, i never thought i would hear myself saying this, but you are TOO THIN,

you look OLD " .... i was in my early 40's at the time.

anyway... started the assent.. and when i reached 124, looked and felt great.

maintained that about a year or so... and then next thing i knew, i was 134

still didn't look BAD but started getting scared. SO scared, i ate my way to

144 and said whoa.... started doing Atkins. Did it for several months,

perhaps i overate.... " all allowed stuff " ... didn't gain, didn't

lose...however, best blood results i ever had since surgery... lowest

cholesterol levels ever... was really surprised.

BUT.... since i didn't lose ... i stopped atkins and ate my way to 149.

Life is SO complex. Since 2000 i am living with a wonderful YOUNGER man, we

are very much in love. he happens to like older women, and heavy women. well

what i would call heavy.... so this SHOULD be a good thing... but it relaxes

me too much. however, i am an adult... so i must take responsibility for my

wt. and not blame the fact that marcelo enjoys meat on the bones.

3 days ago at 149 i began weight watchers. i'm not so sure how smart that is

for me, since i KNOW i have a HUGE addiction to carbs... but i'm going to

give it a week... and if i do not see decent results i will return to Atkins

but eat smaller amounts perhaps.

I find that alot of this is up in our heads. there are days when i can eat

the entire contents of the refrigerator, and other days like the past

three... with determination, that i have litte if any hunger.. as long as i

have breakfast, lunch and dinner. and my water. by the way.. pre surgery i

could eat the entire contents of the refrigerator in one sitting... now it

just takes me a full day and night to do it.

am i proud? NO but i KNOW i will get back down to the 124 wt again, and i

just hope that i can maintain my perseverence.

thank you all for allowing me to vent as i slip back into lurkdom

smiles from

jodi in miami

a beautiful woman is the hell of the soul

the purgatory of the purse

and the paradise of the eyes

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