Re: : Rude relatives

[Guest guest]

Some of you may remember about a month ago I had a real blow out with

my stepmother. Man, did the fur fly!!

All communication was stopped, she even blocked e-mail. The whole

family was in turmoil.

I let her and my Dad stew for a few weeks and then finally called and

apologized for losing my temper (but not for what I said!). Things

are on an even kilter now.

I HAD to draw my boundaries. There just are some things she can not

say to me. Maybe I took it before because of my lack of self esteem,

or my perception of her as a parent figure and my repect for elders.

But I am unwilling to let someone dog me now. It's very hard to

change a long term relationship...the patterns are pretty much set.

I had to " throw a fit " and risk losing the relationship in order to

redefine it.

Maybe not the best tactic, and it was painful, but it worked.

Vicki A.

> Yeah, I agree it's rude. But, I also believe it is total

ignorance. I got a

> little bent out of shape when my cousin who has always been smaller

than

> me...even at birth...I was the fat baby, she was the petite

one....saw my

> picture after I had lost a good deal of the weight, and she replied

that " Oh

> my, I'll bet Lloyd, (my husband) is just all over you now~! " I

came right

> back in her face with... " Are you insinuating that he WASN'T all

over me then,

> and that he must love me MORE now since I have a different

exterior? " I also

> went on to rant and to rave about how I am the very same person I

was before,

> and the weight loss has not made a difference in who I am. Guess

it was wake

> up time for her. She said it really made her think....that she has

placed so

> much emphasis on her exterior, that she really has never even

thought about

> her interior, as I had all these years. I never thought of her as

so

> shallow, but did find she could have depth if she was exposed to

it. She was

> just ignorant...as many people are, and judge us by our outer

packages. It

> saddens me to see how people accept me now, when they wouldn't have

given me

> the time of day before....how sad that is. But then, I will take

what I can

> get. I'm over the mad...and just accept the fact that I'm accepted

now.

> But, to me, and those who know me intimately, I will always be an

MO person

> in my head and heart. I don't ever plan on being anything else.

If you

> can't educate the ignorant, then just move on and be happy. Life

is too

> short. Oh, and BTW, I weigh less than my petite little

cousin...and it bugs

> the life out of her. We love one another, but weight is now a

TABOO subject

> with her...LOL!

>

>

> Regards~

> >

> > Jacque

> > Distal RNY, 5/30/00

> > Drs. Fox and Oh

> > 310~126

> > Beginning BMI 50.0

> > Current BMI 20.3

> > Help! Something happened this weekend that really hurt my

feelings,

> > but for the sake of family unity, I kept my mouth shut, but it is

> > BUGGING me. Can I vent here? My sister-in-law had a few drinks

(I

> > assume that's what loosened her lips) and started going on and on

> > about how fat I use to be. She started out by telling me how

great I

> > looked now and how much happier I seemed, which was a nice thing,

but

> > goes on to tell me " I couldn't even talk to you 'before', but now

I

> > can talk to you. You're so much prettier now " . BTW, I noticed

that

> > she didn't seem too fond of me in the past, and I guess it was

the

> > weight thing all along. Anyway, she starts telling me about

a " fat "

> > lady (her words) that lives on her street and all the mean things

> > people say about her, but followed it up with " but at least you

> > always kept yourself looking nice " . She talked about a " fat "

girl in

> > her daughter's class, and how her daughter yelled at her because

she

> > would make comments about her. It just went on and on. The gist

of

> > it was (at least this is my interpretation), that she could be

all

> > friendly w/ me now that I wasn't " fat " anymore (btw,

she's " normal "

> > sized... although I'm actually a bit smaller than her these

days). I

> > felt like I should defend myself, but I just sat there w/ my

mouth

> > hanging open. She thought she was complimenting me I suppose,

but it

> > was sooo offensive. Has anyone had this happen? I feel like I

let

> > myself down by not speaking up, but kept quiet to keep the

peace. Am

> > I being overly sensitive? Has this ever happened to you?

> >

> > Thanks for the input,

> >

> >

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