Re: Re: Francisco's Article - Pam Marsh's Transformation

[Guest guest]

wow this group is wonderful I have not had my sergery yet I have tears in my eys because it is going to happen to me .I am 65 and I just want to be healthy .I am shy and quite because I am hearing impaired and rejected my many because I can't hear well I shy away from meetings and I wear two hearing aids that don't help very much I have been like this sense the age of three from scarlet fever .I never had many friends because of It .I am looking for the inner me to come out which I don't know .the main thing is to get healthy and be able to do more than sit at this computer and get rid of the pain from the weight . and reading thes e mails builds my hope and conferdense .Why after the WLS. I may even be able to get a job I'm not that old i just want some thing to do I am retired from the Post office .this group is just wonderful Jazzey Diane Duenas

wrote: WOW Pam!!I wanna be just like you when I grow into me!!Huggles> I wanted to share what I sent to Francisco regarding his article. I > added a little more in this one and sorry for it being so long but I > just had to say the things that I said here. I hope that when you > are done reading it you will understand. > > Francisco, I read your article honey and I must tell you that one > would know YOU after reading it. You did not say too much but just > enough. I know that you try and live a personal life because of > boundaries and that is fine and that is your right. You wrote well > and it gives people who are so against and negative about this > process some light to shine on their dullness.> > I had my plastics and I am very pleased. I now know that life is not > just great

but GRAND. I dine alone at lunch now (not because I have > to but because I desire this time) and I love it because I enjoy my > me time. I enjoy being able to think inward as well as out loud. I > enjoy my time to speak with God without interruption or to just read > a book. I am beginning to look at the small things in life. Like > over the weekend, I refilled my bird feeder which had been empty > because of the bad weather. This time instead of getting irritated > because there were so many birds in my back yard, I enjoyed it > because for the first time I noticed there was something very > different about each bird. For some it was the color. For some it > was the difference in the chirping sound they made, for some it was > their size, for some it was the length of time they spent in my yard, > for some it was the way they

looked back at me in appreciation for > the food that was supplied and last but not least, it was the way the > baby birds went to my fish pound that I have (six gold fish. Its a 6 > x 10 foot pound) and how they seemed to enjoy the water fall (the way > the rocks are stacked, it causes a water fall). It was beautiful. I > enjoyed my different assortment of flowers that my mother-in-law had > planted that I had previously got mad because she did not ask but > just did it. I got mad because it was my house and my yard and I > felt she should have asked if it was okay or what type of flowers I > liked. It was a control thing for me but the flowers are beautiful, > very exotic (my husband and family are Jamaican). I realize that I > don't have to control everything only those that are necessary (like > picking your battles. I did

not get it then but now that I am no > longer a weight loss patient (was), I get it. She wanted me to enjoy > the beauty of the flowers because I do love flowers (any type). It > was her giving me love but in a different way and I just did not get > it. By the way, I have to add that we are very close (closer than my > own mother but I have since begun to fix that situation and it is 90% > fixed). I am finished with my external transformation and now the > inward transformation is taking on a new course. I am more kind to > people and someone said to me the other day "you are glowing, radiant > and what happened to that person that was so quick to get upset and > snap at people...its gone" and the mail man (works at my job who has > been so supportive) told me yesterday "you are beautiful and even > when you were heavier, you were pretty

and beautiful but I really > mean you are beautiful". I knew he meant it because I felt it and > not one time did he look at my body when he spoke those words but > directly into my eyes. He never once looked at my body and that > meant a lot to me. That's when you know it is true. I know he was > not flirting but it went a long way and guess what....I BELIEVED HIM.> > I know that I look good, sexy, gorgeous, beautiful and all that and I > won't apologize for saying it because it is not to be conceded but > its truly how I feel about me now. I am enjoying my life and my > husband and I just can't really put it into words. I used to look > forward to or should I say long for people to acknowledge that I lost > weight and how I looked good but now, its not necessary, required or > desired because its in me and I know

it. I am confident now and I > have been in meetings at work and normally would not speak but found > myself adding what my thoughts and concerns where and I even made > suggestions that were well received. I did not feel paniced or worry > if I would sound stupid or anything. I no longer feel paniced out in > public because I don't care if someone is looking at me...good for > them and I hope they like what they see (smile). I have since cut my > shoulder length hair off to a one inch Holly Berry style and people > loved it. It has since started to grow out of the style and is > getting longer. I now rotate and wear different wigs (not because I > have to but I just wanted to try something new) and I don't care that > one day I have arburn streaks in a wig that I wear and then tomorrow > one might have a little darker or

lighter streaks because it is a new > wig. I am happy with it and getting creative. My life is truly not > mines any more and I have just given God full reign to do with it as > He pleases. People have died in the family recently. I neither > mentioned it as I felt it was not necessary. Their time was up but > for me at this phase in my life it mean something else. They are not > dead but just gone from this life and are truly free and I can't be > sad about it. I just simply thanked God for the time they had and > moved on and just begun to continue to enjoy life as we never know > when it is our time. Life is too short. My mother said that God has > really strengthened me because death was hard for me to deal with in > past times but with all that has changed in my life, my faith has > increased

tremendously. I mean I have always had faith...rediculous > some call it but its truly optimum now. My relationship with my > mother is great now. I even told my mother that I adored, cherish > and honored her. Something I would have never done because we have > had some major issues and I just could not bring myself to say > anything to her except that I loved her. But I do more than just > love her and it is important that I let her know and I have. I feel > freed and I don't dwell on stuff that she has said or done that hurt > me in the past. I did it so she could be stop beating herself up > about the past and be free to. I did because I love her and I so she > will know that she is and has been for some time forgiven for being a > human. I could go on and on but I won't. Thanks for listening and > sorry this was so

long.> > Keep writing Francisco. Maybe when I get further out, my story will > be posted for you and others to read but until that happens, until my > inward transformation is complete, I will continue to grow and grow > and grow. I suppose that usually the transformation takes places on > the inside then out but it was not like that for me because the > outside weighed so heavy on me about how I felt on the inside and now > I am free...simply stated...ME.> > Thanks for everything.> > Hugs to you my friend and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.> > Pam Marsh> > > > > > >

[Guest guest]

Great post Pam, I feel greatly encouraged. I know from my experience with being obese, I have struggled with a lot of those same issues. I feel it is so very important to do this for the right reasons. We cannot be forced or coerced into this major surgery for someone else. Just as we could not lose weight for someone else. I too have a long time relationship with the Lord and it is only through Him that I have remained sane and safe from all sorts of things through life. Life in general can be cruel and the Bible says into each life some rain must fall, but thank God I was in His hands when my son died and any number of other things in life that I have walked through. It is definately an inward transformation we will come through after this surgery. I am looking forward to the time when my life is not colored by the obesity. I can't do the things I need to do, feel free to do and go where I need to,

play with my beautiful grandsons, hike a mountain or just be comfortable with me. My husband took me to Yosemite for Mother's day and it was absolutely amazing. But I could not hike even the easy trails without thinking I was going to die right there on the path. What have I done to myself? The hard part is self forgiveness. To forgive myself for the waste of precious time God has given me. Admittedly, I have not been a good steward of my life. So, in the meantime, that is what I struggle with, just forgiving myself for such a great loss of time that I cannot get back. My immediate goal is to make sure to make steps toward making my life more of something that would not only make me and my family proud but to make God proud of who He made me to be. One of the things I learned when my son died was that most everything after losing a child is small stuff, so I try to remember when my Mom says

something that sets me off, or someone is not doing what I think they should, I try to remember, It's all small stuff, deal with it and move on, It is not worth getting upset about. I believe if we let it this can change all of us for the better. After all we are being given a second chance at life. I know that myself for one, am going to take full advantage of all God gives me from here on out. Thanks again for your thought provoking post. (preop)Wanda wrote: wow this group is wonderful I have not had my sergery yet I have tears in my eys because it is going to happen to me .I am 65 and I just want to be healthy .I am shy and quite because I am hearing impaired and rejected my many because I can't hear well I shy away from meetings and I

wear two hearing aids that don't help very much I have been like this sense the age of three from scarlet fever .I never had many friends because of It .I am looking for the inner me to come out which I don't know .the main thing is to get healthy and be able to do more than sit at this computer and get rid of the pain from the weight . and reading thes e mails builds my hope and conferdense .Why after the WLS. I may even be able to get a job I'm not that old i just want some thing to do I am retired from the Post office .this group is just wonderful Jazzey Diane Duenas wrote: WOW Pam!!I wanna be just like you when I grow into me!!Huggles> I wanted to share what I sent to Francisco regarding his article. I > added a little more in this one and sorry for it being so long but I > just

had to say the things that I said here. I hope that when you > are done reading it you will understand. > > Francisco, I read your article honey and I must tell you that one > would know YOU after reading it. You did not say too much but just > enough. I know that you try and live a personal life because of > boundaries and that is fine and that is your right. You wrote well > and it gives people who are so against and negative about this > process some light to shine on their dullness.> > I had my plastics and I am very pleased. I now know that life is not > just great but GRAND. I dine alone at lunch now (not because I have > to but because I desire this time) and I love it because I enjoy my > me time. I enjoy being able to think inward as well as out loud. I > enjoy my time to speak with God without

interruption or to just read > a book. I am beginning to look at the small things in life. Like > over the weekend, I refilled my bird feeder which had been empty > because of the bad weather. This time instead of getting irritated > because there were so many birds in my back yard, I enjoyed it > because for the first time I noticed there was something very > different about each bird. For some it was the color. For some it > was the difference in the chirping sound they made, for some it was > their size, for some it was the length of time they spent in my yard, > for some it was the way they looked back at me in appreciation for > the food that was supplied and last but not least, it was the way the > baby birds went to my fish pound that I have (six gold fish. Its a 6 > x 10 foot pound) and how they seemed to enjoy the water fall (the

way > the rocks are stacked, it causes a water fall). It was beautiful. I > enjoyed my different assortment of flowers that my mother-in-law had > planted that I had previously got mad because she did not ask but > just did it. I got mad because it was my house and my yard and I > felt she should have asked if it was okay or what type of flowers I > liked. It was a control thing for me but the flowers are beautiful, > very exotic (my husband and family are Jamaican). I realize that I > don't have to control everything only those that are necessary (like > picking your battles. I did not get it then but now that I am no > longer a weight loss patient (was), I get it. She wanted me to enjoy > the beauty of the flowers because I do love flowers (any type). It > was her giving me love but in a different way and I just did not

get > it. By the way, I have to add that we are very close (closer than my > own mother but I have since begun to fix that situation and it is 90% > fixed). I am finished with my external transformation and now the > inward transformation is taking on a new course. I am more kind to > people and someone said to me the other day "you are glowing, radiant > and what happened to that person that was so quick to get upset and > snap at people...its gone" and the mail man (works at my job who has > been so supportive) told me yesterday "you are beautiful and even > when you were heavier, you were pretty and beautiful but I really > mean you are beautiful". I knew he meant it because I felt it and > not one time did he look at my body when he spoke those words but > directly into my eyes. He never once looked at my body and that >

meant a lot to me. That's when you know it is true. I know he was > not flirting but it went a long way and guess what....I BELIEVED HIM.> > I know that I look good, sexy, gorgeous, beautiful and all that and I > won't apologize for saying it because it is not to be conceded but > its truly how I feel about me now. I am enjoying my life and my > husband and I just can't really put it into words. I used to look > forward to or should I say long for people to acknowledge that I lost > weight and how I looked good but now, its not necessary, required or > desired because its in me and I know it. I am confident now and I > have been in meetings at work and normally would not speak but found > myself adding what my thoughts and concerns where and I even made > suggestions that were well received. I did not feel paniced or

worry > if I would sound stupid or anything. I no longer feel paniced out in > public because I don't care if someone is looking at me...good for > them and I hope they like what they see (smile). I have since cut my > shoulder length hair off to a one inch Holly Berry style and people > loved it. It has since started to grow out of the style and is > getting longer. I now rotate and wear different wigs (not because I > have to but I just wanted to try something new) and I don't care that > one day I have arburn streaks in a wig that I wear and then tomorrow > one might have a little darker or lighter streaks because it is a new > wig. I am happy with it and getting creative. My life is truly not > mines any more and I have just given God full reign to do with it as > He pleases. People have died in the family

recently. I neither > mentioned it as I felt it was not necessary. Their time was up but > for me at this phase in my life it mean something else. They are not > dead but just gone from this life and are truly free and I can't be > sad about it. I just simply thanked God for the time they had and > moved on and just begun to continue to enjoy life as we never know > when it is our time. Life is too short. My mother said that God has > really strengthened me because death was hard for me to deal with in > past times but with all that has changed in my life, my faith has > increased tremendously. I mean I have always had faith...rediculous > some call it but its truly optimum now. My relationship with my > mother is great now. I even told my mother that I adored, cherish > and honored her. Something I would have never

done because we have > had some major issues and I just could not bring myself to say > anything to her except that I loved her. But I do more than just > love her and it is important that I let her know and I have. I feel > freed and I don't dwell on stuff that she has said or done that hurt > me in the past. I did it so she could be stop beating herself up > about the past and be free to. I did because I love her and I so she > will know that she is and has been for some time forgiven for being a > human. I could go on and on but I won't. Thanks for listening and > sorry this was so long.> > Keep writing Francisco. Maybe when I get further out, my story will > be posted for you and others to read but until that happens, until my > inward transformation is complete, I will continue to grow and grow > and grow. I

suppose that usually the transformation takes places on > the inside then out but it was not like that for me because the > outside weighed so heavy on me about how I felt on the inside and now > I am free...simply stated...ME.> > Thanks for everything.> > Hugs to you my friend and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.> > Pam Marsh> > > > > > >