Day 5

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for everyone's replies yesterday (re: Day 4). Knowing

that my nightmares and lack of sleep were common to many of you

helped me get through the day and night by hanging on just a little

longer. For me, the sleep terrors are way up there on the " why I'd

rather be dead " list.

It's day 5. I'm slightly more balanced and able to look at the

monitor for longer periods of time before feeling weak. I'm also

constantly starving and trying to fill myself up. I tried shaving

today, but there's still glue on my face (don't know how to rub it

off), cuz it's not working too well.

Last night was still hell, but not so far deep into its depths - I

actually slept a few hours at a time and didn't need anyone for

help. I left the TV on all night, thinking it might help grip me to

reality. Unfortunately the TV images were quickly blended with my

dreams during my waking hell. I still have the problem where I

suddenly jump awake, feeling cold shivers ripping through my body

and my jaws chattering together. At that point, I'm convinced I've

broken something so I panic. I found myself resting on a good part

of the side of my face when I last woke up, so now I'm worried.

I happened to discover a useful tip when waking up at night in pain

and/or great discomfort from swelling. I get up, rinse my mouth,

then brush my teeth. It makes me feel better afterwards - almost

like a mouth massage. Unfortunately, it sometimes leaves me with a

dry throat and thick saliva that's hard to swallow. But it's worth

it.

I can't wait to blow my nose.

Yann