Re: Nothing Specific

[Guest guest]

Y'know, Jac, I'm pretty sure the way I got to be 330 lbs was always taking on

and caring for others. My conscience would never allow me to say " no " to

anyone about about anything. I don't mean to sound hard-hearted or selfish. But

you need to sit down and think hard about what is best FOR YOU. If you say no,

and your conscience turns you into a daily binge eater bcuz of guilt, then I

suppose best for you would be to go ahead and take the kids. But my gut says

this is probably not the best answer. Maybe discussing with a therapist would

help to clear and define the issues for you. You are not responsible for the

situations in which these relatives find themselves. And it is not your

responsibility to rescue them. In fact, many times people continue this type of

irresponsible behavior exactly BCUZ someone always manages to come forth and

rescue

them, so they're never forced to face the full consequences of their actions.

Yes, the children are the victims here, and innocent ones at that. BUT, there

are agencies (federal, state, and local--including villages and townships) out

there that can help; you need not assume this burden unless you really want to

and feel it's best FOR YOU. Good luck with your decision.

Carol A

In a message dated 6/11/2003 11:11:10 AM Central Daylight Time,

jholdaway@... writes:

> I'm nervous. Mom has her revision surgery on Monday. She lives 130 miles

> away,but is coming here for surgery, and will be coming here to recuperate.

> To top things off, she's bringing my 5 year old, dysfunctional niece with

> her. HER mom (my sister) is having surgery the next day on her neck. My

> mom's plan, right now, is for me to keep Riley, when Mom is ready to go

> home. I don't have a problem with that. Riley needs a lot of love and care,

> and my sister is a drug addict, and " forgets " to pick Riley up for days at a

> time, from my mother. To top that off, my OTHER sister, who also has a 5

> year old daughter, just went to prison last week, on drug charges. I will

> probably get her too, when she comes home from her grandparents in Nebraska,

> next week. Does anyone see a problem with this, besides me???? I'm looking

> at sugary, with 2 five year old girls in my custody..Nobody in my family

> looks at this as a hardship. And I don't have any kids of my own! Do I say,

> " NO " or do I just let things go along and lock the gates to the fence so

> they can't get out of the yard? These two children are real victims.

> Jac

[Guest guest]

Jac,

Problem? heck yes. Solution? I don't know. If it were me, I

would be torn between doing what is best for me and what is best for the

family. Knowing me, though, I would bring the kids home. I have enough

friends that would be willing to help. Fortunately my family would never

put me in that position. My questions are: What happens when you have

surgery? Who takes care of the kids then? Is the family unwilling to

help at all during this? Do you have anyone who could help, if needed?

Silly me, of course help will be needed.

Lori Owen - Denton, Texas

SRVG 7/16/01

Dr. Ritter/Dr. Bryce

479/335/???

On Wed, 11 Jun 2003 11:08:58 -0500 " Jacque Holdaway "

writes:

> I'm nervous. Mom has her revision surgery on Monday. She lives 130

> miles

> away,but is coming here for surgery, and will be coming here to

> recuperate.

> To top things off, she's bringing my 5 year old, dysfunctional niece

> with

> her. HER mom (my sister) is having surgery the next day on her neck.

> My

> mom's plan, right now, is for me to keep Riley, when Mom is ready to

> go

> home. I don't have a problem with that. Riley needs a lot of love

> and care,

> and my sister is a drug addict, and " forgets " to pick Riley up for

> days at a

> time, from my mother. To top that off, my OTHER sister, who also has

> a 5

> year old daughter, just went to prison last week, on drug charges.

> I will

> probably get her too, when she comes home from her grandparents in

> Nebraska,

> next week. Does anyone see a problem with this, besides me???? I'm

> looking

> at sugary, with 2 five year old girls in my custody..Nobody in my

> family

> looks at this as a hardship. And I don't have any kids of my own! Do

> I say,

> " NO " or do I just let things go along and lock the gates to the

> fence so

> they can't get out of the yard? These two children are real

> victims.

> Jac

> Life is not a spectator sport

> Picture It Digital Designs

> XXX Farm Paint Horses

> Mail to: jholdaway@...

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Jac,

I know several gals in situations similar to you and I really feel for you. I

would take the girls if you can... otherwise, who knows what will happen to them

and 5 is just NOT old enough to fend for themselves! If you do end up with them,

let me know... we can arrange some play dates with my 3.5 year old daughter and

our sweet 4 month old Australian Shepherd puppy. With a kiddy pool and some

sunny weather, that buys you an evening off. :-)

in Bellevue

Open RNY 09/17/01

310/130

http://tinyurl.com/4e3h

________________________________

From: Jacque Holdaway

Sent: Wed 6/11/2003 9:08 AM

To: Graduate-OSSG (E-mail)

Subject: Nothing specific

I'm nervous. Mom has her revision surgery on Monday. She lives 130 miles

away,but is coming here for surgery, and will be coming here to recuperate.

To top things off, she's bringing my 5 year old, dysfunctional niece with

her. HER mom (my sister) is having surgery the next day on her neck. My

mom's plan, right now, is for me to keep Riley, when Mom is ready to go

home. I don't have a problem with that. Riley needs a lot of love and care,

and my sister is a drug addict, and " forgets " to pick Riley up for days at a

time, from my mother. To top that off, my OTHER sister, who also has a 5

year old daughter, just went to prison last week, on drug charges. I will

probably get her too, when she comes home from her grandparents in Nebraska,

next week. Does anyone see a problem with this, besides me???? I'm looking

at sugary, with 2 five year old girls in my custody..Nobody in my family

looks at this as a hardship. And I don't have any kids of my own! Do I say,

" NO " or do I just let things go along and lock the gates to the fence so

they can't get out of the yard? These two children are real victims.

Jac

Life is not a spectator sport

Picture It Digital Designs

XXX Farm Paint Horses

Mail to: jholdaway@...

[Guest guest]

Jac - I think I'd definitely have some help lined up for you after your

surgery. I'm sorry your nieces are having such difficult lives at a young

age. God Bless You for taking them in. We'll be here to support you as you

go along.

Jeanne in WI

Age 39 - Dr. T. Chua

Open RNY - 5/21/02

314/210/199 or less

djgraves@...

[Guest guest]

Jac, I don't have kids either, so I can really relate. But, knowing

you for the short time that I have, I'm guessing that they probably

see you as the only person who's capable of dealing with anything.

On the other hand, having the 2 of them together may actually take

some of the pressure off you, because they can play with each other.

BTW, how did you end up becoming a cop and your sisters went down a

very different path?

in NJ

*********************

> Does anyone see a problem with this, besides me???? I'm looking

> at sugary, with 2 five year old girls in my custody..Nobody in my

family looks at this as a hardship. And I don't have any kids of my

own! Do I say, " NO " or do I just let things go along and lock the

gates to the fence so they can't get out of the yard? These two

children are real victims.

> Jac

[Guest guest]

Jac

This is a hard situation, but you said it at the end when you stated

that `these two children are real victims'.

Like stated having 2 of them is easier because they will not

be relying on YOU to entertain them. It sounds like they both could

use your caring, love and stability. And having lurked on this board

for over a year I can safely state you have an abundance of all three

(smile and hugs). The difficult part is when you have surgery. You

will HAVE to get some help from a neighbor, daycare center, friends,

etc. because you will not be able to help those children much until

you have healed enough.

Good luck…if I was in your area I would be more than happy to help

and take them different evenings and weekends so you can get a

break. Five year olds can be a challenge, but they also can be a

whole lot of fun. Just remember to have rules (guidelines) and stick

with them…no changes…kids really like routines and to know where they

stand and what they can or can not do.

Hugs

Terri in Temecula

12/7/01

322/234/160?

[Guest guest]

Jac, It was my experience (when I had my revision) that I bounced BACK a lot

faster then I did with the original surgery. And 5 year olds...can help in

limited ways. Use lots of paper plates, let them clear the table.....make

their beds... Take the garbage out (if it isn't too heavy....and if need be

the garbage can be done several times a day so they can assist.)...even help

wash plastic glasses and stuff. All this can be done with you just

supervising. Shoot you might even be able to teach them to make their own

PB & J sandwiches. Stock up on books. Reading out loud can be fun when you

have them acting out the parts that you are reading. Shoot, they can even

help with the horses and stuff. Kids way back when on farms had to learn

YOUNG to deal with this stuff. Why should it be any different now. LOL I

guess I am into child labor. I feel that children are too coddled to a

certain extent now and not given responsibilities suitable to their age.

JMHO....

Debbie in Gig Harbor (170cm medial)

ladybostons@...

http://www.cafeshops.com/copsstore

RE: Nothing specific

Carol,

You are exactly right. Fortunately, I am no longer a binge eater.And, I am a

retired ( or is that retarded) cop, so I know what agencies to call.I'm

mainly looking at what my energy levels will be, to care for them through

all of this. WHEW!

Jac

Life is not a spectator sport

Picture It Digital Designs

XXX Farm Paint Horses

Mail to: jholdaway@...

[Guest guest]

Well, they both know that Aunt Jac will make them stand in the corner. Riley

for hitting , for being a tattle-tale. They are both getting

riding lessons. It's great discipline for their minds and bodies. The

biggest problem will be mine. It's hard to work two horses on lunge line at

the same time, and neither one of them has the patience to wait for their

turn. :)Big plus is that they both love their Uncle Fred, and he will sit in

the swing with them for hours on end. We'll get by, although I may be

exhausted by the time he gets home every evening.

Jac

Life is not a spectator sport

Picture It Digital Designs <http://www.pictureitdigitaldesigns.com>

XXX Farm Paint Horses <http://members.cox.net/xxxfarmpaints>

Mail to: jholdaway@...

Re: Nothing specific

Jac

This is a hard situation, but you said it at the end when you stated

that `these two children are real victims'.

Like stated having 2 of them is easier because they will not

be relying on YOU to entertain them. It sounds like they both could

use your caring, love and stability. And having lurked on this board

for over a year I can safely state you have an abundance of all three

(smile and hugs). The difficult part is when you have surgery. You

will HAVE to get some help from a neighbor, daycare center, friends,

etc. because you will not be able to help those children much until

you have healed enough.

Good luck…if I was in your area I would be more than happy to help

and take them different evenings and weekends so you can get a

break. Five year olds can be a challenge, but they also can be a

whole lot of fun. Just remember to have rules (guidelines) and stick

with them…no changes…kids really like routines and to know where they

stand and what they can or can not do.

Hugs

Terri in Temecula

12/7/01

322/234/160?

Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG

Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

You know, C, I'm actually pretty good at saying, " No. " I'm a retired cop

(the reason I had WLS was because that was what I wanted worse than anything

in the world). I'm also pretty good at saying, " I'll kick your ass if you do

that again. " 'Cause I can. <VBG> But, I just can't say no to these two

little girls, or my mother (now THERE'S someone who can't say no). 's

mom is already getting her butt kicked by the legal system. Riley's

mom...well, I love my sister, but I don't like her. But I can't sit back if

I have the opportunity to intervene, with a little girl who is already

racially prejudiced, thinks sex is dirty (now WHY does a 5 year old even

know what sex is?????) and thinks that hitting other people is the answer to

everything. This whole situation is one I just can't let pass by. And if it

means that Riley sits in bed with me for 2 or 3 weeks, and learns to READ,

then she just will. I've also been an elementary school teacher.

Jac

Life is not a spectator sport

Picture It Digital Designs <http://www.pictureitdigitaldesigns.com>

XXX Farm Paint Horses <http://members.cox.net/xxxfarmpaints>

Mail to: jholdaway@...

Re: Nothing specific

> Y'know, Jac, I'm pretty sure the way I got to be 330 lbs was always

taking on

> and caring for others. My conscience would never allow me to

say " no " to

> anyone about about anything. I don't mean to sound hard-hearted or

selfish. But

> you need to sit down and think hard about what is best FOR YOU.

Interesting timing. At my one-year checkup yesterday at the WLS

practice, the nurse was discussing behavioral changes to ensure

success in the future, and this was her number one point: getting

used to saying " no. " As she pointed out, it's especially hard for

women, but something we need to learn to do.

Celia

Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG

Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

Jac:

Being adopted at the age of 5 by my mother (who was married to my

father, long story) anyway, having this selfless woman take me in, teach

me English and how to be accepting and tolerant of everyone, (well, that

part works most of the time) was the most fortunate thing that ever

happened in my life. Riley and sound like they'll have a good

chance with you in their lives. It will take a lot of work and love, but

sounds like you're up to the challenge.

Regina