Not really OT - HMO -From the Oldies Board

[Guest guest]

Q. What does HMO stand for?

> > A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, " HEY MOE. " Its roots go

> > back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered

> > that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he

> > was poked hard enough in the eyes.

> >

> > Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor

> I

> > want?

> > A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your

> insurer

> > will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These

> > doctors basically fall into two categories-those who are no longer

> > accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer

> > participating in the plan. But don't worry;

> > the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new

> patients

> > has an office just a half-day's drive away and has a diploma from a

> > Third World Country.

> >

> > Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require precertification?

> > A. No. Only those you need.

> >

> > Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?

> > A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

> >

> > Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

> > A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

> >

> > Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name

> > brand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache.

> > What should I do?

> > A. Poke yourself in the eye.

> >

> > Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?

> > A. You really shouldn't do that.

> >

> > Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can

> > handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart

> > transplant right in his office?

> > A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $15

> > co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.

> >

> > Q. Will health care be different in the next century?

> > A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

> >