Re: Francisco's Article - Pam Marsh's Transformation

[Guest guest]

Robynn, you know they say that crying cleans the soul

because the eyes are suppose to be the window to our

souls. I always tried my best to be kind to people

but as you stated my thoughts might have been on some

occassions totally not with the action. Its because

being fat for me, I always felt like someone was

watching me and in particular to see me fail. I

always had a fear of failure and that goes back to my

childhood.

Althought I speak out more now, I try to be cautious

still because I do geniunely care about hurting

someone else's feelings. That has always been

important and will always important. I never want to

hurt anyone.

I am glad that I got to know you on this journey

Robynn. You are great, beautiful, gorgious (I always

thought that you were anyway because of your

confidence that you displayed). I am so glad that you

continue to come to the site and write to people and

to encourage them. Most of the time its so hard to

see the forest for the trees and you have a special

way of seeing things from the other side and getting

that point out there and that very important.

You look fabulous and I know that you feel fabulous as

well. I don't know what I would have done if I had

not gotten to know you and received the support that I

received from you and I continue to receive from you.

Stay just as you are Robynn no matter what anyone

tells you because you are truly cut from a rare cloth.

I love you and respect you and if I can ever help you

please by all means let me know. Big hug to you and I

can't wait to see you when you return.

Pam Marsh

--- Robynn VanPatten wrote:

> Pam,

> You made me cry, honey. I can attest to that

> transformation in you, I see it in your eyes, in

> your stature, in the confident but humble way you

> carry yourself. You were always kind and sweet, but

> perhaps inside you had a different set of thought

> patterns than what you showed on the exterior. That

> being said, you are radiant. You glow with the

> light of renewal, and it isn't just a physical

> thing.

>

> I'm very proud of you for reaching out to the

> people in your life who have been estranged from

> you. And I am really moved by what you have said

> about your mother. That was a very very big thing

> you did...and I'm so glad that it has been such a

> healing thing for you.

>

> I totally relate to what you've written. I'm on

> the road to transformation, too. I'm a bit more

> relaxed now...It's funny...you can speak up more

> often now. For me, I can shut up more often now. I

> always had to be the center of attention..I think

> because I was afraid I'd be overlooked because I was

> fat. Now, I feel more comfortable being out of the

> center. Id on't have to be the life of the party

> anymore. I'm more calm.

>

> IT's amazing what this surgery does...particularly

> if you really keep your body AND mind on the same

> journey.

>

> Love you Pam....I am just so glad that you are so

> happy.

>

> Robynn

>

> sweetnlow20012001

> wrote:

> I wanted to share what I sent to Francisco

> regarding his article. I

> added a little more in this one and sorry for it

> being so long but I

> just had to say the things that I said here. I hope

> that when you

> are done reading it you will understand.

>

> Francisco, I read your article honey and I must tell

> you that one

> would know YOU after reading it. You did not say

> too much but just

> enough. I know that you try and live a personal

> life because of

> boundaries and that is fine and that is your right.

> You wrote well

> and it gives people who are so against and negative

> about this

> process some light to shine on their dullness.

>

> I had my plastics and I am very pleased. I now know

> that life is not

> just great but GRAND. I dine alone at lunch now

> (not because I have

> to but because I desire this time) and I love it

> because I enjoy my

> me time. I enjoy being able to think inward as well

> as out loud. I

> enjoy my time to speak with God without interruption

> or to just read

> a book. I am beginning to look at the small things

> in life. Like

> over the weekend, I refilled my bird feeder which

> had been empty

> because of the bad weather. This time instead of

> getting irritated

> because there were so many birds in my back yard, I

> enjoyed it

> because for the first time I noticed there was

> something very

> different about each bird. For some it was the

> color. For some it

> was the difference in the chirping sound they made,

> for some it was

> their size, for some it was the length of time they

> spent in my yard,

> for some it was the way they looked back at me in

> appreciation for

> the food that was supplied and last but not least,

> it was the way the

> baby birds went to my fish pound that I have (six

> gold fish. Its a 6

> x 10 foot pound) and how they seemed to enjoy the

> water fall (the way

> the rocks are stacked, it causes a water fall). It

> was beautiful. I

> enjoyed my different assortment of flowers that my

> mother-in-law had

> planted that I had previously got mad because she

> did not ask but

> just did it. I got mad because it was my house and

> my yard and I

> felt she should have asked if it was okay or what

> type of flowers I

> liked. It was a control thing for me but the

> flowers are beautiful,

> very exotic (my husband and family are Jamaican). I

> realize that I

> don't have to control everything only those that are

> necessary (like

> picking your battles. I did not get it then but now

> that I am no

> longer a weight loss patient (was), I get it. She

> wanted me to enjoy

> the beauty of the flowers because I do love flowers

> (any type). It

> was her giving me love but in a different way and I

> just did not get

> it. By the way, I have to add that we are very

> close (closer than my

> own mother but I have since begun to fix that

> situation and it is 90%

> fixed). I am finished with my external

> transformation and now the

> inward transformation is taking on a new course. I

> am more kind to

> people and someone said to me the other day " you are

> glowing, radiant

> and what happened to that person that was so quick

> to get upset and

> snap at people...its gone " and the mail man (works

> at my job who has

> been so supportive) told me yesterday " you are

> beautiful and even

> when you were heavier, you were pretty and beautiful

> but I really

> mean you are beautiful " . I knew he meant it because

> I felt it and

> not one time did he look at my body when he spoke

> those words but

> directly into my eyes. He never once looked at my

> body and that

> meant a lot to me. That's when you know it is true.

> I know he was

> not flirting but it went a long way and guess

> what....I BELIEVED HIM.

>

> I know that I look good, sexy, gorgeous, beautiful

> and all that and I

> won't apologize for saying it because it is not to

> be conceded but

> its truly how I feel about me now. I am enjoying my

> life and my

> husband and I just can't really put it into words.

> I used to look

> forward to or should I say long for people to

> acknowledge that I lost

> weight and how I looked good but now, its not

> necessary, required or

> desired because its in me and I know it. I am

> confident now and I

> have been in meetings at work and normally would not

> speak but found

> myself adding what my thoughts and concerns where

> and I even made

> suggestions that were well received. I did not feel

> paniced or worry

> if I would sound stupid or anything. I no longer

> feel paniced out in

> public because I don't care if someone is looking at

> me...good for

> them and I hope they like what they see (smile). I

> have since cut my

> shoulder length hair off to a one inch Holly Berry

> style and people

> loved it. It has since started to grow out of the

> style and is

> getting longer. I now rotate and wear different

> wigs (not because I

> have to but I just wanted to try something new) and

> I don't care that

> one day I have arburn streaks in a wig that I wear

> and then tomorrow

> one might have a little darker or lighter streaks

> because it is a new

> wig. I am happy with it and getting creative. My

> life is truly not

> mines any more and I have just given God full reign

> to do with it as

> He pleases. People have died in the family

> recently. I neither

> mentioned it as I felt it was not necessary. Their

> time was up but

> for me at this phase in my life it mean something

> else. They are not

> dead but just gone from this life and are truly free

> and I can't be

> sad about it. I just simply thanked God for the

> time they had and

> moved on and just begun to continue to enjoy life as

> we never know

> when it is our time. Life is too short. My mother

> said

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

WOW Pam!!

I wanna be just like you when I grow into me!!

Huggles

> I wanted to share what I sent to Francisco regarding his

article. I

> added a little more in this one and sorry for it being so long but

I

> just had to say the things that I said here. I hope that when you

> are done reading it you will understand.

>

> Francisco, I read your article honey and I must tell you that one

> would know YOU after reading it. You did not say too much but just

> enough. I know that you try and live a personal life because of

> boundaries and that is fine and that is your right. You wrote well

> and it gives people who are so against and negative about this

> process some light to shine on their dullness.

>

> I had my plastics and I am very pleased. I now know that life is

not

> just great but GRAND. I dine alone at lunch now (not because I

have

> to but because I desire this time) and I love it because I enjoy my

> me time. I enjoy being able to think inward as well as out loud.

I

> enjoy my time to speak with God without interruption or to just

read

> a book. I am beginning to look at the small things in life. Like

> over the weekend, I refilled my bird feeder which had been empty

> because of the bad weather. This time instead of getting irritated

> because there were so many birds in my back yard, I enjoyed it

> because for the first time I noticed there was something very

> different about each bird. For some it was the color. For some it

> was the difference in the chirping sound they made, for some it was

> their size, for some it was the length of time they spent in my

yard,

> for some it was the way they looked back at me in appreciation for

> the food that was supplied and last but not least, it was the way

the

> baby birds went to my fish pound that I have (six gold fish. Its a

6

> x 10 foot pound) and how they seemed to enjoy the water fall (the

way

> the rocks are stacked, it causes a water fall). It was beautiful.

I

> enjoyed my different assortment of flowers that my mother-in-law

had

> planted that I had previously got mad because she did not ask but

> just did it. I got mad because it was my house and my yard and I

> felt she should have asked if it was okay or what type of flowers I

> liked. It was a control thing for me but the flowers are

beautiful,

> very exotic (my husband and family are Jamaican). I realize that I

> don't have to control everything only those that are necessary

(like

> picking your battles. I did not get it then but now that I am no

> longer a weight loss patient (was), I get it. She wanted me to

enjoy

> the beauty of the flowers because I do love flowers (any type). It

> was her giving me love but in a different way and I just did not

get

> it. By the way, I have to add that we are very close (closer than

my

> own mother but I have since begun to fix that situation and it is

90%

> fixed). I am finished with my external transformation and now the

> inward transformation is taking on a new course. I am more kind to

> people and someone said to me the other day " you are glowing,

radiant

> and what happened to that person that was so quick to get upset and

> snap at people...its gone " and the mail man (works at my job who

has

> been so supportive) told me yesterday " you are beautiful and even

> when you were heavier, you were pretty and beautiful but I really

> mean you are beautiful " . I knew he meant it because I felt it and

> not one time did he look at my body when he spoke those words but

> directly into my eyes. He never once looked at my body and that

> meant a lot to me. That's when you know it is true. I know he

was

> not flirting but it went a long way and guess what....I BELIEVED

HIM.

>

> I know that I look good, sexy, gorgeous, beautiful and all that and

I

> won't apologize for saying it because it is not to be conceded but

> its truly how I feel about me now. I am enjoying my life and my

> husband and I just can't really put it into words. I used to look

> forward to or should I say long for people to acknowledge that I

lost

> weight and how I looked good but now, its not necessary, required

or

> desired because its in me and I know it. I am confident now and I

> have been in meetings at work and normally would not speak but

found

> myself adding what my thoughts and concerns where and I even made

> suggestions that were well received. I did not feel paniced or

worry

> if I would sound stupid or anything. I no longer feel paniced out

in

> public because I don't care if someone is looking at me...good for

> them and I hope they like what they see (smile). I have since cut

my

> shoulder length hair off to a one inch Holly Berry style and people

> loved it. It has since started to grow out of the style and is

> getting longer. I now rotate and wear different wigs (not because

I

> have to but I just wanted to try something new) and I don't care

that

> one day I have arburn streaks in a wig that I wear and then

tomorrow

> one might have a little darker or lighter streaks because it is a

new

> wig. I am happy with it and getting creative. My life is truly

not

> mines any more and I have just given God full reign to do with it

as

> He pleases. People have died in the family recently. I neither

> mentioned it as I felt it was not necessary. Their time was up but

> for me at this phase in my life it mean something else. They are

not

> dead but just gone from this life and are truly free and I can't be

> sad about it. I just simply thanked God for the time they had and

> moved on and just begun to continue to enjoy life as we never know

> when it is our time. Life is too short. My mother said that God

has

> really strengthened me because death was hard for me to deal with

in

> past times but with all that has changed in my life, my faith has

> increased tremendously. I mean I have always had

faith...rediculous

> some call it but its truly optimum now. My relationship with my

> mother is great now. I even told my mother that I adored, cherish

> and honored her. Something I would have never done because we have

> had some major issues and I just could not bring myself to say

> anything to her except that I loved her. But I do more than just

> love her and it is important that I let her know and I have. I feel

> freed and I don't dwell on stuff that she has said or done that

hurt

> me in the past. I did it so she could be stop beating herself up

> about the past and be free to. I did because I love her and I so

she

> will know that she is and has been for some time forgiven for being

a

> human. I could go on and on but I won't. Thanks for listening and

> sorry this was so long.

>

> Keep writing Francisco. Maybe when I get further out, my story

will

> be posted for you and others to read but until that happens, until

my

> inward transformation is complete, I will continue to grow and grow

> and grow. I suppose that usually the transformation takes places

on

> the inside then out but it was not like that for me because the

> outside weighed so heavy on me about how I felt on the inside and

now

> I am free...simply stated...ME.

>

> Thanks for everything.

>

> Hugs to you my friend and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

>

> Pam Marsh

>

>

>

>

>

>

>