Re: Talking to surgeon about problems

[Guest guest]

Dan,

Unfortunately, sometimes people are just the way they are. I was

lucky that I have both surgeon and orthodontist who are very eager to

answer my questions, and, I have to say, especially with the OS, I

have always been able to ask anything I wanted, and get an answer. He

never made me feel rushed. In your case, you should write down a list

of questions, and in the beginning of your appointment say that you

have a list of things to discuss regarding this surgery that are very

important to you. Any reasonable doctor should agree to listen to

that. Don't be pushy or accusative from the start, because that will

discourage your doctors to be honest and give you the time to ask

questions. Be very calm, even friendly, and explain how you feel.

Stay calm until the end of the appointment, and make sure you listen

what your OS will say. Perhaps, he will have a logical explanation as

to why thngs turned out the way they did. But whatever the OS says,

stay calm, and don't get mad, don't yell and scream, try to be

diplomatic. This would ensure that the lines of communication stay

open, even if he says something that you don't like. Good luck, and

let us know how it turns out.

Irene.

>

> I don't know about the rest of you in regards to relationship with

> your surgeons, but from day one I have been hesitant about this whole

> thing. I know my Orthodontist and Surgeon sense this with me. I don't

> think I complain alot about different things to them, but they always

> make me feel that way when I bring something up that bothers me. For

> instance the last time I went to see my Orthodontist he was very busy

> and I had some questions for him about things specifically about my

> orthodontics. I felt like he was rushing me or he just didnt want to

> be bothered with the questions. My surgeon is similar, He acts like

> everything is supposed to be the way it is. I know when I bring this

> up to him he will just say , give it time or its better than what you

> had. The symmetry issue is not the only thing I want to discuss with

> him either. There is a list, and I feel they are all important items

> to be discussed. My question is, How do some of you approach your

> doctor about things that they may take offense to. Its like I am

> criticizing their work or something. I know it must be hard for them

> to accept they didn't do a 100% job but I am very particular about

> things and just want answers. I get the sense from my surgeon that he

> thinks he can walk on water. I only wish that were true.

[Guest guest]

Dan,

I totally know what you mean. I knew my surgeon because my husband

did some work with him and I still have the same sort of issues. He

didn't seemto notice anything except my teeth were aligned. He

didn't ask what do think he just made me feel like I was to be

grateful because I am straight. I am grateful but patients need

concerns addressed because it is our bodies/ FACES. My surgeon and

orthodontist are sort of tight and work hand in hand. They totally

didn't give me enough information about what to expect afterward and

what I was going to go through. They made it seemed like a walk in

the park so when it was the opposite I felt something must be wrong

with me and my tolerence for pain. My surgeon even told me at my

checkup which was extremely painful just checking my stitches. That

he did all he was supposed to and my husband was doing all he was

supposed to (how did he know?) that I have to take on some

responsibility!!! And he said just remember you don't have cancer!

How unsympathetic! Iwould suggest writing your concerns and bringing

them since sometimes our dr's can catch us off guard. I would start

out letting them know you need to consult about concerns that you

have and would like to get some answers about a few things. Be

direct and say what you mean. You are the patient it's your money,

insurance, body and you deserve to get answers on your own

condition. That's part of their job too! Good Luck!

J

>

> I don't know about the rest of you in regards to relationship with

> your surgeons, but from day one I have been hesitant about this

whole

> thing. I know my Orthodontist and Surgeon sense this with me. I

don't

> think I complain alot about different things to them, but they

always

> make me feel that way when I bring something up that bothers me.

For

> instance the last time I went to see my Orthodontist he was very

busy

> and I had some questions for him about things specifically about my

> orthodontics. I felt like he was rushing me or he just didnt want

to

> be bothered with the questions. My surgeon is similar, He acts like

> everything is supposed to be the way it is. I know when I bring

this

> up to him he will just say , give it time or its better than what

you

> had. The symmetry issue is not the only thing I want to discuss

with

> him either. There is a list, and I feel they are all important

items

> to be discussed. My question is, How do some of you approach your

> doctor about things that they may take offense to. Its like I am

> criticizing their work or something. I know it must be hard for

them

> to accept they didn't do a 100% job but I am very particular about

> things and just want answers. I get the sense from my surgeon that

he

> thinks he can walk on water. I only wish that were true.

[Guest guest]

I am in the same position as you, but with my ortho instead. He's a good man,

only he won't listen to anything I tell him if I don't bring facts (like if I

bite

my tongue, I need to show him where, how bad, etc.). If I simply complain

about a treatment, he won't consider listening to me.

So the approach I developped over the years is to be goal oriented. I don't

question his methods, the equipment he uses, the hardware he installs, I

simply tell him how I feel, what wrong this is doing to me, and suggest

possible solutions. In most of the times, this works well. If I don't like

the results, I ask him how to make things different, I don't critic the results.

Because otherwise, we have a sort of argument and it always ends the

same way : I critic too much, I'm the worst patient, blah blah blah...

When he brings the " everybody else is ok with this, why don't you accept

it... " line, I always make sure he understands that my needs are my own

and not amount of comparison with the rest of the world will change that.

Ray

[Guest guest]

Its funny, The last time I went to the ortho I did have a list with me. I told

him I had it so I would not forget to ask the questions. I think he was amused

with that. But I am to the point I dont care about what they think. I am paying

for this, Its my suffering if I dont get the answers I am looking for. I am

going to take the advice Irene gave and try not to get mad. Even though I am

fuming at the moment. That part will not be easy. But You are correct I think in

saying not to question their methods. I will try not to do that either. I will

figure out a way to approach this. Thanks I see my Orhto Tuesday and my OS next

Tuesday. Personally I think I get more information from this forum.

Ray wrote:

I am in the same position as you, but with my ortho instead. He's a good man,

only he won't listen to anything I tell him if I don't bring facts (like if I

bite

my tongue, I need to show him where, how bad, etc.). If I simply complain

about a treatment, he won't consider listening to me.

So the approach I developped over the years is to be goal oriented. I don't

question his methods, the equipment he uses, the hardware he installs, I

simply tell him how I feel, what wrong this is doing to me, and suggest

possible solutions. In most of the times, this works well. If I don't like

the results, I ask him how to make things different, I don't critic the results.

Because otherwise, we have a sort of argument and it always ends the

same way : I critic too much, I'm the worst patient, blah blah blah...

When he brings the " everybody else is ok with this, why don't you accept

it... " line, I always make sure he understands that my needs are my own

and not amount of comparison with the rest of the world will change that.

Ray

[Guest guest]

Dan, there are surgeons and orthos, even some of the most esteemed

ones, who wish, apparently, to brush things (and patients) off. I'm

sorry to say so, but that's apparently true.

How would I go about it?

I would call for an appointment with whichever I wanted to have a

conversation with, if you can thread through my fumbly sentence

there. And I would ask for a convenient time, when we could have a

long, relaxed conversation. I would also send (by e-mail, fax or

snail mail) a list of my questions/topics ahead of the appointment.

I would expect to pay a fee for this conversation appointment, but I

would hope that the fee would be waived, as part of the process. I

would not complain, however, if I were charged a fee, and I would

take my time (and pay for it) in the appointment. Prepare well,

though, to be ready and get the answers you want.

I think it's a mistake to go in telling the doc that he or she is

not perfect. But it's not a mistake to let him or her know that you

have some issues with the results. Try to be as specific as you can -

-- " My jaw seems to be off to the right, or left, or

whatever... " " My midlines don't seem to match up " " I am concerned

about the asymmetry I see in my face... " Or, " Why do I see this

problem that I hoped would be repaired? "

rather than " Why did you leave me this way? "

Got my drift?

I am hoping you can get help for what is painful to you...

C.

>

> I don't know about the rest of you in regards to relationship with

> your surgeons, but from day one I have been hesitant about this

whole

> thing. I know my Orthodontist and Surgeon sense this with me. I

don't

> think I complain alot about different things to them, but they

always

> make me feel that way when I bring something up that bothers me.

For

> instance the last time I went to see my Orthodontist he was very

busy

> and I had some questions for him about things specifically about

my

> orthodontics. I felt like he was rushing me or he just didnt want

to

> be bothered with the questions. My surgeon is similar, He acts

like

> everything is supposed to be the way it is. I know when I bring

this

> up to him he will just say , give it time or its better than what

you

> had. The symmetry issue is not the only thing I want to discuss

with

> him either. There is a list, and I feel they are all important

items

> to be discussed. My question is, How do some of you approach your

> doctor about things that they may take offense to. Its like I am

> criticizing their work or something. I know it must be hard for

them

> to accept they didn't do a 100% job but I am very particular about

> things and just want answers. I get the sense from my surgeon that

he

> thinks he can walk on water. I only wish that were true.

[Guest guest]

Ummm. Not the best attitudes from your docs, sez me.

But then I'm just one more poor ol' slob hiring them.

My docs did a lot better by me, and I'm sorry yours didn't.

And yes, I'm glad you didn't have cancer -- but if you did (don't

ask me how I know about that) you need a doc who is not dismissive

of that, either. Or does your surgeon think that what he did was not

important for your health???

BIMBO!!! (There are male bimbos, too...)

C.

>

> Dan,

>

> I totally know what you mean. I knew my surgeon because my

husband

> did some work with him and I still have the same sort of issues.

He

> didn't seemto notice anything except my teeth were aligned. He

> didn't ask what do think he just made me feel like I was to be

> grateful because I am straight. I am grateful but patients need

> concerns addressed because it is our bodies/ FACES. My surgeon

and

> orthodontist are sort of tight and work hand in hand. They

totally

> didn't give me enough information about what to expect afterward

and

> what I was going to go through. They made it seemed like a walk

in

> the park so when it was the opposite I felt something must be

wrong

> with me and my tolerence for pain. My surgeon even told me at my

> checkup which was extremely painful just checking my stitches.

That

> he did all he was supposed to and my husband was doing all he was

> supposed to (how did he know?) that I have to take on some

> responsibility!!! And he said just remember you don't have

cancer!

> How unsympathetic! Iwould suggest writing your concerns and

bringing

> them since sometimes our dr's can catch us off guard. I would

start

> out letting them know you need to consult about concerns that you

> have and would like to get some answers about a few things. Be

> direct and say what you mean. You are the patient it's your

money,

> insurance, body and you deserve to get answers on your own

> condition. That's part of their job too! Good Luck!

> J