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In a message dated 4/25/2003 1:54:51 PM Central Daylight Time,

jlewis30@... writes:

> We almost have an opposite issue. I met my dear man

> when I was just about at my heaveyest (then we had

> kids and I got BIGGER). He has trouble now thinking

> that I am going to leave him because I could " get

> another guy " . Now, there are so many problems with

> this logic, I cannot even go in to it, but essetially

> he has had a long hard mental trip to take to. I tell

> him that if I was going to leave his sorry butt I

> would have done it already so get over it, but I am a

> little gruff these days...

sorry to butt in to this discussion, i usually just lurk here . . . . but i

am having this same problem, except that my partner is a woman (i hope no one

here is offended by that). she loved me both fat and thin, but now that i

am thin all her old jealousies and insecurities from her past have surfaced,

and she is suspicious of everyone i'm friendly with. i have been enjoying

all the new attention for my new thinner self, but we fight constantly about

it. finally we had a big blowup and she left, saying she was moving out. i

was kind of relieved, but then she came back in a week, saying she didn't

want to leave our home and missed me terribly, and could we try being

roommates?? i am exhausted and confused about what i really want, and i

would love to hear some feedback from other folks . . .

~stacey

Lap RNY 4/1/02

Dr. Srungarum

320 / 156 lbs.

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All I can add is that my surgery has been both a blessing and a curse. It's so

true that it makes strong relationships stronger - - weak relationships weaker.

I'm on this crusade to have all post-op patients -- once they are back on a

normal eating -- to go to some kind of counseling. And if they are a couple --

then they need to go together. Communication is the key - understanding what

the other one is going through. I have been married less than a year -- and

while I don't blame my surgery or my spouse -- we are breaking up. I was shy of

600lbs at the time and did not know who I was -- and therefore I don't really

think I knew who she was. Our relationship was based on taking care of each

other . . .and as much on friendship. So now -- here we are. I am still me --

but the new attention - the new found freedom -- it has changed me. I am not

the same person I was 13 mnths and 300lbs ago. You either grow together or you

grow apart. . .and sadly we grew apart.

So -- my montage/soapbox. . . whatever you will. KEEP TALKING - KEEP

COMMUNICATING -- AND SEEK COUNSELING SO YOU CAN GET TO THE ROOT OF THE ISSUE!!!

In a message dated 5/4/2003 8:51:08 AM Eastern Standard Time, shanlon609@...

writes:

>In a message dated 4/25/2003 1:54:51 PM Central Daylight Time,

>jlewis30@... writes:

>

>

>> We almost have an opposite issue. I met my dear man

>> when I was just about at my heaveyest (then we had

>> kids and I got BIGGER). He has trouble now thinking

>> that I am going to leave him because I could " get

>> another guy " . Now, there are so many problems with

>> this logic, I cannot even go in to it, but essetially

>> he has had a long hard mental trip to take to. I tell

>> him that if I was going to leave his sorry butt I

>> would have done it already so get over it, but I am a

>> little gruff these days...

>

>sorry to butt in to this discussion, i usually just lurk here . . . . but i

>am having this same problem, except that my partner is a woman (i hope no one

>here is offended by that).   she loved me both fat and thin, but now that i

>am thin all her old jealousies and insecurities from her past have surfaced,

>and she is suspicious of everyone i'm friendly with.  i have been enjoying

>all the new attention for my new thinner self, but we fight constantly about

>it.  finally we had a big blowup and she left, saying she was moving out.  i

>was kind of relieved, but then she came back in a week, saying she didn't

>want to leave our home and missed me terribly, and could we try being

>roommates??   i am exhausted and confused about what i really want, and i

>would love to hear some feedback from other folks . . .

>

>~stacey

>Lap RNY 4/1/02

>Dr. Srungarum

>320 / 156 lbs.

>

>

>

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Stacey, relationships are relationships, and they can be difficult.

There is always one person in a relationship that is less secure (at

least in my opinion) and once you lose weight those will ultimately

come to the surface. I had a man tell me when I was hat my heaviest

that he didn't care at all about my weight. He did. He got what he

needed in that moment, and off he went. We still run into each other

occasionally, and now he always thinks I'm there for him....wrong!!!

I was less secure before, he is less secure now. My question is, do

you think that you can just live together as roomates now? Or does

she want the whole relationship back?

Tigger

> In a message dated 4/25/2003 1:54:51 PM Central Daylight Time,

> jlewis30@y... writes:

>

>

> > We almost have an opposite issue. I met my dear man

> > when I was just about at my heaveyest (then we had

> > kids and I got BIGGER). He has trouble now thinking

> > that I am going to leave him because I could " get

> > another guy " . Now, there are so many problems with

> > this logic, I cannot even go in to it, but essetially

> > he has had a long hard mental trip to take to. I tell

> > him that if I was going to leave his sorry butt I

> > would have done it already so get over it, but I am a

> > little gruff these days...

>

> sorry to butt in to this discussion, i usually just lurk

here . . . . but i

> am having this same problem, except that my partner is a woman (i

hope no one

> here is offended by that). she loved me both fat and thin, but

now that i

> am thin all her old jealousies and insecurities from her past have

surfaced,

> and she is suspicious of everyone i'm friendly with. i have been

enjoying

> all the new attention for my new thinner self, but we fight

constantly about

> it. finally we had a big blowup and she left, saying she was

moving out. i

> was kind of relieved, but then she came back in a week, saying she

didn't

> want to leave our home and missed me terribly, and could we try

being

> roommates?? i am exhausted and confused about what i really want,

and i

> would love to hear some feedback from other folks . . .

>

> ~stacey

> Lap RNY 4/1/02

> Dr. Srungarum

> 320 / 156 lbs.

>

>

>

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Stacey,

I don't know about you, but I am at a point in my life where I

actually believe I deserve to be treated better then I was treated

before. I feel better about myself. I know I have come a long way and I

know I still have a way to go. One of the things I keep having to ask

myself is " How much of this am I willing to tolerate? " No one is perfect

but there comes a point where I flat out won't tolerate certain

behaviour.

The reason I mention this is that it sounds like some ground

rules need to be set up with your partner/potential roommate. Explain to

her what you will and will not tolerate and stick to it. It's hard. I

had to do this with a friend who consistently used foul language in my

house (like every other word) and she kept insisting that I should be

more open minded about movies I rented and watched in my home. I finally

had to tell her it was not okay and it had to stop. Her dear sweet

husband agreed with me. He told her it was my house and I had a right to

set rules for my house. I almost lost a friendship over it. But if I

have to choose between my mental and emotional well being or that of

someone else, I am going to have to pick me. If I don't no one else

well. You are worth it. Hope this helps.

Lori Owen - Denton, Texas

SRVG 7/16/01

Dr. Ritter/Dr. Bryce

On Sun, 4 May 2003 09:51:08 EDT shanlon609@... writes:

> sorry to butt in to this discussion, i usually just lurk here . . .

> . but i

> am having this same problem, except that my partner is a woman (i

> hope no one

> here is offended by that). she loved me both fat and thin, but now

> that i

> am thin all her old jealousies and insecurities from her past have

> surfaced,

> and she is suspicious of everyone i'm friendly with. i have been

> enjoying

> all the new attention for my new thinner self, but we fight

> constantly about

> it. finally we had a big blowup and she left, saying she was moving

> out. i

> was kind of relieved, but then she came back in a week, saying she

> didn't

> want to leave our home and missed me terribly, and could we try

> being

> roommates?? i am exhausted and confused about what i really want,

> and i

> would love to hear some feedback from other folks . . .

>

> ~stacey

> Lap RNY 4/1/02

> Dr. Srungarum

> 320 / 156 lbs.

>

>

>

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(i hope no one

here is offended by that).

___________________________________________

Who gives a damn if someone is offended.... No need to seem to apologize for

what you are, for who you are and/or for whom you love. We all talk about

our lives on here, no reason you shouldn't be able to do the same.

Now, to your problem.... Get rid of her, ya don't need something like that

hangin' around giving you grief. Being with someone that is jealous can make

life a living hell. Since you two were together, as a couple, you won't be

able to be just roommates, at least this early. I think you know exactly

what you want, don't be forced into somethin' just because you don't wanna

hurt her feelings.

Randy

Re: WLS and Singlehood

> In a message dated 4/25/2003 1:54:51 PM Central Daylight Time,

> jlewis30@... writes:

>

>

> > We almost have an opposite issue. I met my dear man

> > when I was just about at my heaveyest (then we had

> > kids and I got BIGGER). He has trouble now thinking

> > that I am going to leave him because I could " get

> > another guy " . Now, there are so many problems with

> > this logic, I cannot even go in to it, but essetially

> > he has had a long hard mental trip to take to. I tell

> > him that if I was going to leave his sorry butt I

> > would have done it already so get over it, but I am a

> > little gruff these days...

>

> sorry to butt in to this discussion, i usually just lurk here . . . . but

i

> am having this same problem, except that my partner is a woman (i hope no

one

> here is offended by that). she loved me both fat and thin, but now that

i

> am thin all her old jealousies and insecurities from her past have

surfaced,

> and she is suspicious of everyone i'm friendly with. i have been enjoying

> all the new attention for my new thinner self, but we fight constantly

about

> it. finally we had a big blowup and she left, saying she was moving out.

i

> was kind of relieved, but then she came back in a week, saying she didn't

> want to leave our home and missed me terribly, and could we try being

> roommates?? i am exhausted and confused about what i really want, and i

> would love to hear some feedback from other folks . . .

>

> ~stacey

> Lap RNY 4/1/02

> Dr. Srungarum

> 320 / 156 lbs.

>

>

>

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Yep - that's me! And I appreciate you thoughts and sentiments. Dr. H is great.

Haven't seen him since last June -- but I will be seeing him this June. I do

keep in touch with him. We email one or twice a month and he keeps tabs on me.

Right now I am kind of just learning who is. So -- if and when the time

come for someone else to enter my life I won't have any questions as to who I am

.. . It's been a long road - -but I know it will work out for the best!

Congratulations on your loss! That group -- they have been very quiet . .makes

you wonder what they are up to . . LOL!

In a message dated 5/4/2003 11:30:49 AM Eastern Standard Time, " Sheri s "

writes:

>, are you the same that had Dr. Hocking as a surgeon and

>post to his support group? I had Dr. H., too, and am a member of that

>group. I haven't been reading much on that group (on no mail and only

>check it out online), so I wasn't aware that you and your wife are

>breaking up. I am so sorry to hear that. I remember when you were

>planning the wedding and were so excited.

>

>My first husband and I were married young and when we grew up, we

>grew apart. We divorced after seven years. It is so sad when that

>happens. I hope you are able to find someone to build a solid

>relationship with now. My second marriage has been great - solid

>through thick and thin (pun intended). He has gone through a previous

>drastic weight loss (phen/fen) and regain, as well as the death of my

>son and has stood by me all the way. I feel so blessed.

>

>Congratulations on your terrific loss and achievement of learning who

>you are inside!

>

>BTW, I will be one year post op on the 29th of this month. I have

>lost over 130 pounds so far and I'm 35 pounds from my goal. I will be

>going back to see Dr. H for my one year check up soon. I can't wait

>for him to see me. Haven't seen him for quite a while.

>

>Take care.

>Sheri

>In Sunny Florida

>

>

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I soooo agree with you. I'm not the person I was before my surgery.

I'm a much stronger, more in control of what is good for me kind of

person now. In addition to the surgery I left a job last fall that I

had been at for 8 years because a " friend (male) " convinced me to

come and work for him. He would pay me the same, I'd have benefits,

and life would basically be " hunky-dorey " ! NOT! He couldn't afford

to pay me, lied and decieved me, and basically put me through the

worst months of my life. However, during that time I learned that I'm

not the person I was. I survived, and grew. I took a job making $130

less a week (gotta do what you gotta do). It took every bit of money

in saving and retirement funds to get through, and about a month ago

I started back at my old job (the one I was at for 8 years). I

couldn't be happier. I also don't think I would have traded those

awful months for anything... I learned so much about me and other. I

finally kicked the guy to the curb. He thought we could still be

friends, and I thought I would get over it. No, I won't get over it

and there's no sense in pretending I will. Why should I suffer inside

to let him of free. Nope. But 70 pounds ago, and not having

gone through what I've been through, I might have just done it to

keep him around for attention. Yep, I've changed. I don't need that

kind of attention. If it's not good for me, I'm weeding it out of my

life. I'm so much happier and calmer. My employers appreciate me, my

customers appreciate me, and my friends are happy to have their

bouncy Tigger back with them. She'd been gone for awhile. I know I've

babbled, but my point is... we get upset with people because they say

we've changed... in reality...we have. It's impossible to be the same

person. Just my $1.50 worth. (I definitely went over my .02)

Tigger

> All I can add is that my surgery has been both a blessing and a

curse. It's so true that it makes strong relationships stronger - -

weak relationships weaker. I'm on this crusade to have all post-op

patients -- once they are back on a normal eating -- to go to some

kind of counseling. And if they are a couple -- then they need to go

together. Communication is the key - understanding what the other

one is going through. I have been married less than a year -- and

while I don't blame my surgery or my spouse -- we are breaking up. I

was shy of 600lbs at the time and did not know who I was -- and

therefore I don't really think I knew who she was. Our relationship

was based on taking care of each other . . .and as much on

friendship. So now -- here we are. I am still me -- but the new

attention - the new found freedom -- it has changed me. I am not the

same person I was 13 mnths and 300lbs ago. You either grow together

or you grow apart. . .and sadly we grew apart.

>

> So -- my montage/soapbox. . . whatever you will. KEEP TALKING -

KEEP COMMUNICATING -- AND SEEK COUNSELING SO YOU CAN GET TO THE ROOT

OF THE ISSUE!!!

>

>

>

> In a message dated 5/4/2003 8:51:08 AM Eastern Standard Time,

shanlon609@c... writes:

>

> >In a message dated 4/25/2003 1:54:51 PM Central Daylight Time,

> >jlewis30@y... writes:

> >

> >

> >> We almost have an opposite issue. I met my dear man

> >> when I was just about at my heaveyest (then we had

> >> kids and I got BIGGER). He has trouble now thinking

> >> that I am going to leave him because I could " get

> >> another guy " . Now, there are so many problems with

> >> this logic, I cannot even go in to it, but essetially

> >> he has had a long hard mental trip to take to. I tell

> >> him that if I was going to leave his sorry butt I

> >> would have done it already so get over it, but I am a

> >> little gruff these days...

> >

> >sorry to butt in to this discussion, i usually just lurk

here . . . . but i

> >am having this same problem, except that my partner is a woman (i

hope no one

> >here is offended by that).   she loved me both fat and thin, but

now that i

> >am thin all her old jealousies and insecurities from her past have

surfaced,

> >and she is suspicious of everyone i'm friendly with.  i have been

enjoying

> >all the new attention for my new thinner self, but we fight

constantly about

> >it.  finally we had a big blowup and she left, saying she was

moving out.  i

> >was kind of relieved, but then she came back in a week, saying she

didn't

> >want to leave our home and missed me terribly, and could we try

being

> >roommates??   i am exhausted and confused about what i really

want, and i

> >would love to hear some feedback from other folks . . .

> >

> >~stacey

> >Lap RNY 4/1/02

> >Dr. Srungarum

> >320 / 156 lbs.

> >

> >

> >

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Yep! What Randy said!!!

Tigger

> (i hope no one

> here is offended by that).

> ___________________________________________

> Who gives a damn if someone is offended.... No need to seem to

apologize for

> what you are, for who you are and/or for whom you love. We all talk

about

> our lives on here, no reason you shouldn't be able to do the same.

> Now, to your problem.... Get rid of her, ya don't need something

like that

> hangin' around giving you grief. Being with someone that is jealous

can make

> life a living hell. Since you two were together, as a couple, you

won't be

> able to be just roommates, at least this early. I think you know

exactly

> what you want, don't be forced into somethin' just because you

don't wanna

> hurt her feelings.

> Randy

> Re: WLS and Singlehood

>

>

> > In a message dated 4/25/2003 1:54:51 PM Central Daylight Time,

> > jlewis30@y... writes:

> >

> >

> > > We almost have an opposite issue. I met my dear man

> > > when I was just about at my heaveyest (then we had

> > > kids and I got BIGGER). He has trouble now thinking

> > > that I am going to leave him because I could " get

> > > another guy " . Now, there are so many problems with

> > > this logic, I cannot even go in to it, but essetially

> > > he has had a long hard mental trip to take to. I tell

> > > him that if I was going to leave his sorry butt I

> > > would have done it already so get over it, but I am a

> > > little gruff these days...

> >

> > sorry to butt in to this discussion, i usually just lurk

here . . . . but

> i

> > am having this same problem, except that my partner is a woman (i

hope no

> one

> > here is offended by that). she loved me both fat and thin, but

now that

> i

> > am thin all her old jealousies and insecurities from her past have

> surfaced,

> > and she is suspicious of everyone i'm friendly with. i have been

enjoying

> > all the new attention for my new thinner self, but we fight

constantly

> about

> > it. finally we had a big blowup and she left, saying she was

moving out.

> i

> > was kind of relieved, but then she came back in a week, saying

she didn't

> > want to leave our home and missed me terribly, and could we try

being

> > roommates?? i am exhausted and confused about what i really

want, and i

> > would love to hear some feedback from other folks . . .

> >

> > ~stacey

> > Lap RNY 4/1/02

> > Dr. Srungarum

> > 320 / 156 lbs.

> >

> >

> >

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