Re: Reflections: Being friendly to ourselves

[Guest guest]

This is exactly what I wanted to hear. I am learning to support

myself with discipline. One of my problems is that I do not keep

agreements withm myself. If I give myself permission to eat only

vegs in between meals, I find myself nibbling on some cheese. I can

not trust myself for long. This means I can only respond to fear,

like no sugar. I am afraid of even trying something with sugar right

now for fear I will do it again and again. It seems that if I try

something, or don't keep my promise to myself, the whole thing

crashes down. This is my diet pattern in the past. That is why I

gained the weight back. I could not trust myself to keep my

agreements with myself for long. Has anyone learned to do this? Lilka

>

>

> ,

> I hear your desperation, and my heart hurts for you. I've been

there lots of times. Beating up on myself doesn't change anything;

in fact, it's just a way to stay the same. It's a penance to appease

my guilt so I could sneak off and do the same crap again. I think we

need to be friendly with ourselves.

>

> How am I friendly with myself? By being kind to myself, like a

good parent.

>

> You've seen the indulgent parents who think they're being loving

and accepting when they let their children do anything they want.

But that's lazy and it doesn't teach the child any discipline or

self-control. Those kids are not happy, and they are not people

anyone wants to be around.

>

> Then again, would a loving parent make the child fast? Would she

give her protein bars or a protein shake instead of lunch? Would she

beat the kid if the kid does something wrong?

>

> The flip side of our guilt is a whisper of wisdom: We know we can

do this differently, wiser, better. We long to love ourselves.

>

> There has to be loving discipline, or else there is no joy. We

need to find a path that works, stick with it, turn away from all

those picky doubting inner voices, and be honest with ourselves. It

doesn't do any good to lie to ourselves by saying " I accept myself "

when really we're just doing the same old crap.

>

> Notice: When you are able to design your loving self-discipline,

and practice it, you feel joyful and enriched. I do not mean some

punitive discipline; I mean: What good, healthy practices can you

stay with, that will nurture your best you? That is true self-

discipline, like a ball player or musician who practices for the

love of it, not to avoid punishment.

>

> Past achievements point to the fact that you can do it. But

they're in the past, and this is NOW, your one-and-only precious

human life.

>

> You've experimented, and only you know what the Right Path is for

you. In the past you've said that fasting doesn't work, starving

yourself doesn't work, and Starbuck's doesn't work. Maybe it would

help to stop focusing on losing weight, and start focusing on what

kind of " food life path " you want to live. That way, even if you

don't achieve the body you'd like to have, you will be happy because

right living will give you peace.

>

> Love

> Martha

>

[Guest guest]

Thats my biggest struggle too, I always break my promises to myself.

I need to learn to respect myself enough to break that cycle.

> >

> >

> > ,

> > I hear your desperation, and my heart hurts for you. I've been

> there lots of times. Beating up on myself doesn't change anything;

> in fact, it's just a way to stay the same. It's a penance to

appease

> my guilt so I could sneak off and do the same crap again. I think

we

> need to be friendly with ourselves.

> >

> > How am I friendly with myself? By being kind to myself, like a

> good parent.

> >

> > You've seen the indulgent parents who think they're being

loving

> and accepting when they let their children do anything they want.

> But that's lazy and it doesn't teach the child any discipline or

> self-control. Those kids are not happy, and they are not people

> anyone wants to be around.

> >

> > Then again, would a loving parent make the child fast? Would she

> give her protein bars or a protein shake instead of lunch? Would

she

> beat the kid if the kid does something wrong?

> >

> > The flip side of our guilt is a whisper of wisdom: We know we

can

> do this differently, wiser, better. We long to love ourselves.

> >

> > There has to be loving discipline, or else there is no joy. We

> need to find a path that works, stick with it, turn away from all

> those picky doubting inner voices, and be honest with ourselves.

It

> doesn't do any good to lie to ourselves by saying " I accept

myself "

> when really we're just doing the same old crap.

> >

> > Notice: When you are able to design your loving self-discipline,

> and practice it, you feel joyful and enriched. I do not mean some

> punitive discipline; I mean: What good, healthy practices can you

> stay with, that will nurture your best you? That is true self-

> discipline, like a ball player or musician who practices for the

> love of it, not to avoid punishment.

> >

> > Past achievements point to the fact that you can do it. But

> they're in the past, and this is NOW, your one-and-only precious

> human life.

> >

> > You've experimented, and only you know what the Right Path is

for

> you. In the past you've said that fasting doesn't work, starving

> yourself doesn't work, and Starbuck's doesn't work. Maybe it would

> help to stop focusing on losing weight, and start focusing on what

> kind of " food life path " you want to live. That way, even if you

> don't achieve the body you'd like to have, you will be happy

because

> right living will give you peace.

> >

> > Love

> > Martha

> >

>