hospital stay-worried

[Guest guest]

Hi All......now that I am back amoung the living (thought I was going

to get to that big Mansion in the sky.) I have a LOT of questions

and fears!! Last weekend on Sunday I woke up feeling real

weak....within an hour I went to the bathroom (thought it was

diarrhea.....it was, but it was all blood, literally.) This happened

several more times during the day, I wasn't too worried because DH

had the exact same thing the weekend before. But, by nightfall I

couldn't breath and was dizzy and had heart paplitations. Next

morning it hadn't stopped (DH's stopped after 12 hours) so I agreed

to let DH take me to ER. My blood had gone from 14.6 to 11....then

by nightfall it had gone to 8.......they transfused me two pints (not

happy about this at all)......put on total bed rest and ordered an

endoscopy and colonoscopy! The endoscopy showed three ulcers (in the

jejunum where the pouch and intestines join)......they kept trying to

insist that I must not have been compliant with taking my acid

meds...I can honestly tell you that I probably have NEVER missed a

day in the 2 1/2 years since surgery.....both parents died of

esophagual cancer.....I'm not gonna mess with it!! Colonoscopy was

clean as a whistle!! So after 4 days of torture they let me out....3

of the 4 docs believe it was all inconclusive...the 4th thinks it was

the bigger of the ulcers. I came home with a ton of meds, future

dates for scopes, and my already existing depression thru the roof.

To make matters worse (I know this will seem petty to some, please

don't flame me, I am miserable enough as it is!) but even though I

was on nothing but water for four days I gained 4 pounds, now that I

am home I have gained ANOTHER 2 1/2. I understand that I was severly

dehydrated, but, when will this end....do you think that it will at

least go back down to where it was......I just don't know what is

going on......I have not touched junk food or anything

bad........guess I am just depressed and this isn't

helping......kinda scared that it won't stop and feeling very out of

control even though I am doing everything right......ya know? I do

feel very lucky to be alive....the docs let me know just how afraid

they were that I was going to " bleed out " that first night I was

there! AND, if they don't know what caused it, then what is going to

keep it from happening again?? They sent me home telling me to come

right back if my bowel movements turned black or tarry.....but then

ordered " Nefrex " shots twice weekly for the next five weeks, warning

me that they may turn my BM's black and tarry!!! ARGH....well, if

you made it this far with me I appreciate your reading my

venting....I just feel so depressed and uncertain about

things.......any words of wisdom or encouragement would be greatly

appreciate......please don't flame.....I honestly can't handle it

right now Thanks, P.