WAY off TOPIC but but so funny I had tears running down my face

[Guest guest]

This is definately doggy related for my doggy lists and just a REAL belly

laugh for my non-doggy lists, friends and family!

Enjoy, Debbie

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the

> summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you who

are

> unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old

child

> whom you know nothing about and committing to doing your best to be a good

> parent.

>

> Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only

> sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he

> can get without actually performing a French kiss on me. Lest you think

this

> is a bad case of no discipline, I should tell you that and I tried

> every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate

> bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress.

>

> Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of

> the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me

> out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family and a lot of drunk

> friends that I like more than family most of the time. I was however

> assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the

> two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still mad at the electrician

for

> getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in

the

> whole house that worked, thus the assignment.

>

> I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wednesday evening to reheat

> on Thursday morning.

>

> Since the kitchen was freshly painted you can imagine the odor. Not

> wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin latex paint #586, I put

the

> rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for 5

hours.

> After 3 hours, and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an

> hour.

>

> An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the oven. It was 8:30pm.

> When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one

> whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst

> nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked

like

> a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped

> up in fur. He groaned when he walked. Even his cheeks were bloated.

>

> I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of

> uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I

> needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.

God

> only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my

kids

> did when they were sick. Suffice to say that by the time we went to bed

the

> dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto

the

> bed for the night.

>

> Naively thinking the dog would be all better by morning was very

> stupid on my part. We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put

the

> dogs out to relieve themselves. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on

> his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and

> most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one

direction

> and the other half was either dragging the floor or headed 90 degrees in

> another direction. He couldn't lift his leg to urinate, so he would just

> walk and urinate at the same time.

>

> Then he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop

> himself and nearly ended up running into the fence. His pupils were

dilated

> and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter

> from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the

> yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured

me

> that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after

> about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.

>

> Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, and I loaded him

> up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving

meal

> of the day. My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15

minute

> drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog

> leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between and

I,

> we took off. Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but

> believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast

rolls,

> DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched

> or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But! that's not

the

> worst of it. Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked

rolls.

> God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the

> entire trip to Karee's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she

> did.

>

> Once Jasper was firmly placed in her garage with the door locked, we

> finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog

> was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to

> the garage to witness my drunk dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's

> latest endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as the

> old adage goes, " what goes in must come out " and Jasper was no exception.

> Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls,

you

> might as well have put a concrete block up my, well you know, but alas a

> dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered

> this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karee's house. Having

> discovered his " packages " on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car

> so we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on our

> part.

>

> The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the

> poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland

> cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally got it with a shovel. I

> (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my

> hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor.

> And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the dog in his drunken state had

> walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that

> had to be brushed too.

>

> Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him

> home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner

> at 's sister's house. I am happy to report that as of today (Monday)

> the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath

> and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also

> happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls

> hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must have come to his senses

> after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not

be

> a bad idea.