Curves and Drugs

[Guest guest]

Just a passing thought or two to share on sucking down drugs and curving

lives!

After much self examination and years of wrong or mixed messages and zero

medical care I have come to some conclusions on my own with the assistance

of my PCP and one or two very important other medical professionals along

the way.

I think I have recited my long and sordid history with anxiety and other

ailments and various attempts at medicating them (most not included in any

physicians recommendations whatsoever.) I still have trouble sleeping and

was terribly disappointed when I was preop and diagnosed with severe sleep

apnea that CPAP breathing aid did not take me off to la la land like a

" normie. " Sleep has always been work and from this late life perspective I

now associate the lack of it consistently with a multitude of other things

there were resultant of that sleep deprivation I think. I have tried about

everything, and usually a few suds at night helped me get to sleep or

unconscious at the very least, but the handicap they had on living daily

life was even more debilitating on occasion. I, seems like, have tried

about everything other kind of drug and they just do not work. The CPAP did

not do it so I hoped that surgery and weight loss might cure the " physical "

sleep thing. Alas alack, it did not! Having lived most of my life on a

sleep/emotional/fatigue/social disaster roller coaster I did not know what

to expect.

After surgery when I was past the immediate surgery thing, I was getting up

at 4:00 a.,m, and earlier after going to bed at 11:00 pm and out riding

bikes and doing 1.5 - 2.0 hours in the gym to begin the day and thought that

must be what other folks have felt like for years! It was wonderful - - I

thought I had finally arrived. Well,,,,,,that does not work for extended

terms, etc. I had three sleep studies and in the end had no or very mild

sleep apnea so it was not physical. I accidently stumbled across some Xanax

my PCP had prescribed a good while before surgery for me (not a druggie and

still having the meds proves it,,,,LOL). One night I took one before

bedtime and got in the bed and went to sleep. That was .50mg. Later on

here I learned about Tylenol PM some were using and added to to that and lo

and behold I slept a full night. No dreaming, bit groggy in the morns, but

it was the closest to normal I had ever felt. Yes, I tried Ambien and all

the other sleepers. Ambien got me to sleep fast but it got me awake fast as

well, and some of the others were like getting sledge hammered. Just not

worth it. I hate the drug after stuff.

So the point of this whole matter is that I discussed all this with my PCP,

tossed all the psych meds I had accumulated (had been diagnosed bi-polar)

and btw, tossing the meds is supposed to me a hallmark of that illness, LOL.

Over time the PCP and I tried some other drugs other than the bedtime .5 mg

Xanax but Buspar, which was the last, just hammered me and left me in a

stupor and tired for two-three hours after I took it and others just led me

into zombieism. I missed getting up in the morns and doing the physical

stuff and the endorphins flowing etc. If I am gonna feel dead I oughtta at

least have sod in my face and I am not ready for that yet.

So I even cut out the Wellbutrin I had been on for two years which replaced

the shrink's anti-convulsant drugs (never missed those either), and tossed

the Buspar about four weeks back, now am back to just .50 mg Xanax at bedtme

and sleeping less,,,,,,last night was a long long sleep, night before was

4.5 hours,,,,,but I am back to working physically all day, full of energy

and not depressed. I discussed Clonapin with my PCP and he was reluctant to

prescribe that vice the Buspar because he said that Clonapin might be too

depressive in side effects.

I am happy to be on a reduced drug regimen and happy to be moving and

feeling more and more alive. LOL, of course my wife and some other close

friends are just clucking to themselves and saying " there he goes again off

on another mania binge " but I do not think so. Feels like to me that this

is " right " for me. I am also encouraged that I feel like I have given the

drug thing a fair shot and decided that a more expanded regimen is not for,

not right now, and I like how I feel and am feeling.

The deal is that I am even more pleased that I think that I have had input

into this. My PCP listens, never tells me NO or ignores me, but does talk

to me like a person with some degree of capability of grasping what he is

saying, and one or two others along the way (not many) have I felt the same

way about. I met a surgeon a few days back who is new to bariactrics but

with whom I have had three substantial conversations and feel much the same

way about. His lack of experience is totally compensated for by his ability

to listen and not be " professional " to the point that he is condescending

and insulting. He has been selected by someone I know for their surgery and

I am comfortable because I have read his material, his recommendations, his

process for patient selection and he told me what he does in surgery (pouch

formation etc), and I was most impressed that his followup is lifetime.

So, on sleep, curves (at least the ones life tossed at ya), my take on it is

that it is work to commit to learning as much as you can about what is

really going on with you, being a part of your treatment and evaluation and

a active part/ner at that. Finding a professional who will give you respect

and then making some decisions for yourself.

For me, I may not ever sleep like I see others do. That is okay. I need to

sleep like what is best and most efficient for me. I need to be aware that

I may not be able to have the same routine as someone else and that regimens

may be more difficult for me to conform to. I need to understand what it is

that I need to make me function as best I can. For me most of those have to

do with being a self starter from everything to getting off my duff for

exercise, shutting the fridge door when I am not hungry, finding a way to

get from 6:00 p.m. to midnight/sleep without anxietal eating and also

knowing when I am starting to get shaky internally/emotionally and just go

be by myself or lie down.

The drugs, at this point, are not the answer for me.

Just my .03 (my opinion of my opinion has gone up with the rest of inflation

LOL)

Dan Slone

Surgery 5/2/2000

The doctor said the Ambien would not be strong enough for me.-

Clonzipin might be a thought it works wonders for me and I don't wake up

groggy or anything........ P.