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Am I Insane?!?

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Okay, I'm having a moment of panic here...I'm seeking calm but not finding

it.

One week from today at this very hour I will be lying flat on my back, arms

spread, legs spread, Dr. E. and staff hoving over my body with all kinds of

devices, lights, cameras, sticking out of me as my insides are turned

longways and sideways. And why? because I don't have self-control enough to

eat moderately and excercise until my legs want to fall off.

NOT!

Well, okay I'll be lying in a strange position, that part is true but this

is not about self-control. It's about my health and my genes. I've inherited

Grandma Nahodil's propensity to be a big " gal " and nothing I've tried has

been able to work. This is the court of last resort, I've exhausted all of

my options and only made the situation worse each time I've " failed " .

Now I know this is not really true, but I go through this once in a while

and have the above thoughts of " I don't have the self-control " .

I am terrifed and I have moments (l like now) when I question myself if I am

insane to put myself through this. Mostly though, and thankfully, I have

been rather serene about this decision lately. I feel like I'm loosing it.

Is this normal one week pre-op??

Nahodil

Fairfax, VA

BPD/DS - Lap 9/27/01

Pre-op Dr. Elariny

BMI 46 +/-

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