from Rose

[Guest guest]

Hi to everybody, especially the newbies (new to me; I guess some of you have been here quite awhile). For those who don't know me, I'm supposed to be one of the moderators. For the past few months, I have been absent from the list. Before that I would periodically go AWOL. I feel bad, because physically I'm doing pretty well. I've just been struggling-- not very successfully--mentally, emotionally, spiritually. These last few months I've started to reactivate myself, so to speak, but would then remember how many times I've done that before, only to slip-slide away again. So I told myself that I wouldn't return until I had it together & could commit to being a full-fledged moderator. But I've never gotten it together. I met with my counsellor this week & talked about it. She suggested that I just do what I can, without making any specific commitments. That's what I'd like to do. I know how much everyone else is struggling, and God bless Tracie, she needs & deserves more folks to share the burden. So rather than continue this all or nothing behavior, I'm hoping you all (especially the other moderators) will accept what I can give, for now & who knows how long.

Some of you may be saying, "Just suck it up," and I don't blame you. I did suck it up & do what I had to do for so many years; I guess my suck it up-per burned out. But this group was such a blessing & lifesaver for me that I want to give back. I have knowledge & experience to share, things to learn from others & I miss the support & camaraderie (sp?) of the group. I'll get on when I can; sometimes I go days without even using the computer or even thinking about email, etc. Then I'll find I can kick it in gear, get on Facebook or something, take my dogs or grandkids somewhere, whatever. The problem with the group is the emotional drain. Most days I just feel emotionally empty. I've never experienced this degree of emptiness before; don't know why or how to improve the situation. All my usual coping strategies aren't helping. Maybe it's some kind of challenge or test. Whatever, I hope this makes sense to y'all, and if it doesn't make sense, please just accept that I'm doing as well as I can right now.

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