Daycare and aggression

[Guest guest]

I do hope and pray that your son does not grow up to be an aggressive

child. And, I do not mean that in an ugly way! Beth

Beth, I am gonna try this again because your posts are challenging me to

communicate in a very clear way (I'm the one in the Bible study that

excluded the violent child until such time as we can have an appropriate

class for him--with our staffing being volunteer, that is taking a while,

but we are a local chapter of a national Bible study and the first group

that we know of looking into a special needs class, so I am proud of our

progress, even though we are not perfect!).

I think someone needs to say it clearly so I will. Yes, moms of violent

ASD kids (or even violent NT kids) need a break. But the people with the

child during the break need to have given " informed consent " to the

situation. That means, by definition, they must be adults. No adult has

the right to say that a child must just " put up with " being kicked or

hit. Even the child's parent. If an adult wants to volunteer as a

one-on-one aide or a special needs teacher for a violent class, then God

bless that person for being willing to take the risk of getting hit or

kicked. On the other hand, the parent of the violent child must be

forthcoming with Sunday school teachers, Bible study teachers, etc. about

the violence and take her chances that that particular program will not

be able to accommodate her child. It is unethical to leave a violent

child in Sunday school without disclosing to the teacher that violence

could occur. The church could be sued, but more than that, someone

else's child could be gravely injured. That is not to imply a lack of

love for the violent child, who often cannot stop his or her lashing out,

but just to say that other kids have rights too. Until the child can

stop being violent, he or she needs to be either in a special, safe class

with a small number of children or with an aide who is physically strong

enough to stop the other kids from getting hurt. I don't know of any

other way to say this. Yes, any of our kids, ASD or otherwise, could

become violent. And I believe this rule applies across the board to my

kid as well as yours. If there is a situation involving violence, I pray

the mother can still find a Bible study, Sunday school, etc. to attend,

but her chance to get away from her child must not put other children (or

unsuspecting adults) at peril. Violence must be addressed (and there are

successful ways of intervention so that you might be able to address it

and be back in your Bible study the following year)--while it is being

addressed, the child must not be allowed to hurt other children. With

respect, M.