Re: -to Lilka, am I enough?

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for your wise reply. I see something broader in

your reply that may be helpful to me. I don't have exactly the same

issue. I am a boss of lots of people, mostly women and I have told

them about the surgery. They have given me nothing but love and

respect so far. They understand me beczuse our culture is so anti

fat and they all worry and suffer deeply with me because of it even

if they are thin. I hate this about our culture and wrote my

dissertation which refuted the idea that fat is why we are not happy

with our sex lives. It is not fat. It is how we feel about our

bodies,and how we feel that our partners feel about our bodies, and

communication. It has nothing to do with fat. However, not all of us

feel OK with our bodies or some of us do not have partners that

accept us or we close down our communication because we feel that we

are not enough and can not stand up for ourselves. If that is the

case, we will not have a good sex life. Maybe that is what you were

talking about after all. Some people have the wls and still don't

feel like enough. It is not easy to feel like enough in life. A

loss of pounds , a thinner body may not help. I am working on this

perception, myself. I often do not feel like enough, what ever that

means. A friend from weight loss surgery told me I need to say " I

am MORE than enough. " I had to laugh. I have been saying it a lot

because this " black hole " that wants to suck me down with it, is

hovering around, especially when I try to fill it with food. One of

the reasons I love your posts is because you always remind us that

we are MORE than enough and we need to remember it and live that

way. I wish I had a weight loss partner. The one I had was from far

away and did not need a buddy. She had everything all together. I

was sorry, having very little together. I am so happy that you have

found someone, at last. This guy sounds great. Is he spiritual too?

Love, Lilka

> >

> > I am trying to find the long message I wrote, mostly to

Francisco.

> I

> > will try to find it and send it. Sometimes my messages get lost

> here

> > but this time I made a copy. Nope. It is lost. Too bad. It was

> deep.

> > O well.

> > I will try to recreate it. I liked that list you made, Francisco

of

> > all the wonderful things that you have found since you had the

> > surgery. I was thinking about my own list but the most important

> > thing on my list, of course, besides the no more pills is that

my

> > hip stopped hurting and I can walk again. Yesterday, I told my

step

> > mother that I was 10 years younger now. How much better is that?

I

> > expect to take off another five years as the months go by. This

is

> > just miraculous.

> > I also mentioned something about my process here. I find

that

> I

> > want to nibble at certain times. I especially want to nibble

when I

> > come in from outside. I want a cherry tomato, a thin slice of

> > cheese, a cracker. It is not a lot right now but my doctor told

me

> > that eating in between meals is absolutely not OK because that

is

> > how people gain weight. I tried to do it with discipline and it

> > works to some degree but then Gity told me to see this nibbling

as

> a

> > part of me that needs to be recognized and understood if I am to

> > eliminate it for good. I have gained a great incite into it as I

> > used to come home from school at 13 and buy candy and popcorn

and

> > eat it in my room by myself. I was so miserable that year. That

is

> > when when I began to comfort myself with food. I want to nibble

> late

> > at night, too. Lonliness? There seems to be a part of me that

wants

> > to feel bad about myself. These behaviors make me feel guilty

and

> > shameful. Then I need to hide. That leads to worse behaviors. In

> any

> > case, there are other

> > things I can do when I come into the house, like thumb through

the

> > mail or catalogs or mags. But at night, I have to order myself

out

> > of the room and I have not found a substitute for my needs yet.

> > I love to dance too. I used to square dance but I love all

kinds

> > of dancing. I have joined Curves to strengthen myself first.

Then I

> > will dance again. That will be a milestone in my life, when I

can

> > dance again. Love to you and to all the wonderful people on this

> > board. Lilka

> >

>