Re: SO FRUSTRATED

[Guest guest]

Jane,

What ever you do remember one thing. It is not you, you are not at

fault. Your a good person and keep concentrating on that while you

struggle with things you can not control at this point. Don't worry

about your child, she is not going to miss 2 months of no conversation

from you.

Your husband is wrong that's all there is to it.

Good luck dear Jane. This will pass, honest.

Dave Lara

>

> I am soo frustrated right now I can barely type from my hands

> shaking.  My husband whom I love most of the time is mad because he

> has to clean the house.  I feel  so badly I can't even tell you.  I

> can barely breathe, I just want to get better and heal and he's

> telling me it's been no walk in the park for HIM.  I don't even know

> what to say.  It's like if I'm resting he's supposed to be resting. 

> If he's resting I'm supposed to be working.  To top it all off he is

> saying how much our daughter is starting to talk and how I need to

> get these wires off soon to teach her things!  As if it was up to

> me!!  This kills me!  I feel like I'm missing out on an important

> time.  Do people not get that when you barely eat for a month you

> lack energy!  I'm sorry I know the end is in sight but sometimes this

> whole ordeal seems to go on forever.  Even if it has only been

> exactly a month of mumbling only to hear people say huh? And drink my

> meals for a month.  Did I mention I still can't feel most of my

> face?  Except the red raw nose of course!! Ok sorry I'll stop while

> I'm behind....

> Jane 

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Whew! What you -- and your husband -- need, I think, is about 10 deep

breaths apiece!

I sympathize with both of you. I'll bet he's just having the same

frustration you are, and has finally come to the point where it's

boiling over for him.

Can you get some other help with the housecleaning? (Hire a pro? Or a

maid service? At least temporarily? Are your students old enough and

do the professional ethics permit that you offer some of them a shot

at some part-time work? Friends? Family? Anything! Housework isn't

worth upsetting each other about.)

Second, can both of you agree to relax the standards of " cleanliness "

for a while, temporarily. Pretty soon you're gonna be packing, and

giving the house a final cleaning, anyhow, I'd think. If the two of

you can agree to back off a bit, that may help.

Can you arrange something that will be a special treat just for him?

I don't know what -- tickets to a sporting event with his buds, a

special meal (preferably something you can enjoy, too, but definitely

something he'll know you ordered or made just for him? Or a piece of

clothing he's long wanted, a CD, a DVD -- if you have the gadgets to

use them) just something designed to pamper him and say " thanks " for

all the help he's given you?

That must be tough, especially if he's bugging you about the little

one learning to talk. But I'd bet you, unless there's something else

going on, there's no way she's gonna adopt an enduring mumble-speak

pattern because you were wired shut for a month, or two months or

even three months. (not that I've ever heard of anybody being wired

shut for three months!)

Remember, she's hearing him, and the television and presumably other

family and friends, too. Now whether she'll grow up to have a

Louisiana drawl, I dunno!

Just try to ease up on yourselves and on each other. What really CAN

do damage, I think, is your child developing a perception that you

two are battling, and you don't want that.

Long ago my mother told me that a friend had advised her before

marriage that a 50-50 marriage was no good, nor was a 7-25 one. It

had to be 100-100. I believe that. (But they may come from different

areas -- I'm housecleaning challenged to the ultimate degree,and my

husband is a neat freak. But I think we work it out by both of us

realizing that he's banking-account challenged, and doesn't do

particularly well at buying groceries, both of which I seem to have

managed at least minimally in the past years.)

And about the wires: Surely he really knows and understands, down

somewhere inside. He's just letting his frustration out. And you're

frustrated, too, and that makes it all worse for both of you! Just

keep remembering all that you both have behind you, and that things

soon will be immeasurably better.

Cammie

>

> I am soo frustrated right now I can barely type from my hands

> shaking. My husband whom I love most of the time is mad because he

> has to clean the house. I feel so badly I can't even tell you. I

> can barely breathe, I just want to get better and heal and he's

> telling me it's been no walk in the park for HIM. I don't even

know

> what to say. It's like if I'm resting he's supposed to be

resting.

> If he's resting I'm supposed to be working. To top it all off he

is

> saying how much our daughter is starting to talk and how I need to

> get these wires off soon to teach her things! As if it was up to

> me!! This kills me! I feel like I'm missing out on an important

> time. Do people not get that when you barely eat for a month you

> lack energy! I'm sorry I know the end is in sight but sometimes

this

> whole ordeal seems to go on forever. Even if it has only been

> exactly a month of mumbling only to hear people say huh? And drink

my

> meals for a month. Did I mention I still can't feel most of my

> face? Except the red raw nose of course!! Ok sorry I'll stop while

> I'm behind....

> Jane

[Guest guest]

Lara,

Thank you so much. I would love to be able to do everything right

now but I just can't. Your response makes me feel better.

Jane

>

> >

> > I am soo frustrated right now I can barely type from my hands

> > shaking.  My husband whom I love most of the time is mad because

he

> > has to clean the house.  I feel  so badly I can't even tell

you.  I

> > can barely breathe, I just want to get better and heal and he's

> > telling me it's been no walk in the park for HIM.  I don't even

know

> > what to say.  It's like if I'm resting he's supposed to be

resting. 

> > If he's resting I'm supposed to be working.  To top it all off

he is

> > saying how much our daughter is starting to talk and how I need

to

> > get these wires off soon to teach her things!  As if it was up to

> > me!!  This kills me!  I feel like I'm missing out on an important

> > time.  Do people not get that when you barely eat for a month you

> > lack energy!  I'm sorry I know the end is in sight but sometimes

this

> > whole ordeal seems to go on forever.  Even if it has only been

> > exactly a month of mumbling only to hear people say huh? And

drink my

> > meals for a month.  Did I mention I still can't feel most of my

> > face?  Except the red raw nose of course!! Ok sorry I'll stop

while

> > I'm behind....

> > Jane 

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi Jane,

Sounds like you finally are getting some of the validation and

understanding I think you were feeling starved from. Good!!! I'm

glad. Not being able to speak is very disabling. I agree. I have had

to make phone calls lately and I think the person, even when I ask

for their patience because I can't speak very well, thinks I am

literally mentally retarded. That is always fun.

How is it going with the stitches. I had forgotten that you had asked

me about them. I have one big ol' knot below in front that I WISh

would dissolve because it pulls and hurts a little when I am brushing

my teeth and trying to apply wax to the horrid sx hooks. Anyway, mine

aren't blue. I think originally they were off white color. It could

very well depend on the suppier/manufacturer used. I have no idea if

it is the strongest or anything. Maybe mine are falling out too

soon!? I dont know. I dont even know where they are all coming from.

I just swish and swish and swish forever with really warm water

trying to clean out my mouth. There is a lot for them to get caught

on on the way out too. Anyway, they are like little stiff threads. I

guess they dissolve at the point where they are in my tissue. At

least, that applies to what I've seen. I guess others could have

dissolved more and then I wouldn't know about them. They come out

kind of brown, I think from the blood originally. Sometimes they are

just tiny strands of heavy thread like material, a few times they've

been fat little knots (fat relatively speaking). I was told it could

take a couple weeks for them all to dissolve. Again the times could

depend on the specific thread-manufacturer-what your surgeon used vs.

what mine used-our specific cases, etc. Must be frustrating having

those bothering you too on top of everything! I am waiting and

waiting for that one to come out finally!

OH! And Phlem. I know..... I have what seems to be an inexhaustible

supply of it way back in my throat. It is draining that way from my

sinuses. I am always sucking it back trying to clear everything. I

know that sounds really disgusting!! I'm like a little kid with a

cold constantly sucking it all back there. I can't get any up in my

mouth to spit out though. When I tried that I was choking and gagging

which I HATEd. So now I just try to swallow it. From what I dig out

of my nose with the q-tips, I can tell it's really thick and Icky!!!

I really feel for you! But, you at least aren't alone!!!

Do post your pictures! Maybe when you get your wires off, because you

won't be able to help but smile! I am wondering what my final

result will be. It is hard to be patient and not worry and stress

about your appearance. My lips don't quite touch... was all my

assymetry corrected?... how will my bite be after I get this splint

out and can tell better?... those are some of mine right now that I'm

trying to not dwell on too much for now. I have a while yet before

I'll be able to tell really. I am 2 weeks post op today. Hang in

there Jane! You know where to find all of us as you continue to get

through this time!!! Take care and I hope today goes much better for

you! Katja

> > >

> > > I am soo frustrated right now I can barely type from my hands

> > > shaking. My husband whom I love most of the time is mad

because

> he

> > > has to clean the house. I feel so badly I can't even tell

> you. I

> > > can barely breathe, I just want to get better and heal and he's

> > > telling me it's been no walk in the park for HIM. I don't even

> > know

> > > what to say. It's like if I'm resting he's supposed to be

> > resting.

> > > If he's resting I'm supposed to be working. To top it all off

> he

> > is

> > > saying how much our daughter is starting to talk and how I need

> to

> > > get these wires off soon to teach her things! As if it was up

> to

> > > me!! This kills me! I feel like I'm missing out on an

> important

> > > time. Do people not get that when you barely eat for a month

> you

> > > lack energy! I'm sorry I know the end is in sight but

sometimes

> > this

> > > whole ordeal seems to go on forever. Even if it has only been

> > > exactly a month of mumbling only to hear people say huh? And

> drink

> > my

> > > meals for a month. Did I mention I still can't feel most of my

> > > face? Except the red raw nose of course!! Ok sorry I'll stop

> while

> > > I'm behind....

> > > Jane

[Guest guest]

Katja,

Hey, I had that pulling and stinging problem with stitches above my

upper lip and on my 3 wee appt the resident cut some of those knots

out! Ouch..but it does feel better now. I see one string hanging

down but it seems pretty sturdy. My husband tried to reassure me

this morning if the os said they dissolved then they would...My fear

is that they are going to have to cut and pull them out or

something!! I only have problems with them now because of the

caughing and sneezing. This is so gross but I am wired as you know

and coughed up grenn flem...it was stuck under my top splint and I

had to rinse and rinse until it was all out!!!Gross

Jane

> > > >

> > > > I am soo frustrated right now I can barely type from my

hands

> > > > shaking. My husband whom I love most of the time is mad

> because

> > he

> > > > has to clean the house. I feel so badly I can't even tell

> > you. I

> > > > can barely breathe, I just want to get better and heal and

he's

> > > > telling me it's been no walk in the park for HIM. I don't

even

> > > know

> > > > what to say. It's like if I'm resting he's supposed to be

> > > resting.

> > > > If he's resting I'm supposed to be working. To top it all

off

> > he

> > > is

> > > > saying how much our daughter is starting to talk and how I

need

> > to

> > > > get these wires off soon to teach her things! As if it was

up

> > to

> > > > me!! This kills me! I feel like I'm missing out on an

> > important

> > > > time. Do people not get that when you barely eat for a

month

> > you

> > > > lack energy! I'm sorry I know the end is in sight but

> sometimes

> > > this

> > > > whole ordeal seems to go on forever. Even if it has only

been

> > > > exactly a month of mumbling only to hear people say huh? And

> > drink

> > > my

> > > > meals for a month. Did I mention I still can't feel most of

my

> > > > face? Except the red raw nose of course!! Ok sorry I'll

stop

> > while

> > > > I'm behind....

> > > > Jane