Re: Re: Finally!

[Guest guest]

Amen, Randy. I guess I just always took the, "Ok, this is MY process, and this is the route that my process is taking." I trust my medical staff to know what is best for me. Yes, losing the 10 percent was tough. Yes, I felt a lot of stress trying to make sure I wasn't up even one little lb. the day of surgery. Yes, I felt sorry for myself sometimes. I wound up havnig two psych exams, because Richmond brought on their own specialist. Others didn't have to do that. Some people had to go through a more extensive lifestyles class than I did, because they started seeing that people were having difficulty sticking to the guidelines. I guess here is the way I see it: this surgery, medical knowledge, anecdotal knowledge, and individuals themselves are always evolving and changing. As the different Kaiser programs learn more, experience different

things...they start adding new steps to the program. I don't view it as an impediment...rather, I view it as a sturdier ladder that they are creating for us to make a successful climb to success. Folks at SSF don't always have to lose 10%, it depends upon the person. On the other hand, they have a follow up class every week that's more extensive. Kaiser leaves care, for the most part, in the hands of doctors. THat's why there are some variances from program to program. Dr. Fisher has been doing this a long time, and he has some pretty strong ideas about which patients are the most successful and why. So, how can some other doctor dictate another protocol to him, when he doesn't feel convinced that it is the best route to take, based upon his own training and experience? Oftentimes, the "child" part of our personalities get all riled up when somebody tells us what to do, how to do

something, when to do it. We always think we know what is best for us. I'm not advocating that one blindly put one's health into the hands of a doctor. On the other hand, if we were such flipping experts, why are we MORBIDLY OBESE. The bottom line: we don't know better. We just don't. And letting go, and listening and learning...well, I think that's an important step to take in our process. It's that cutting our noses off to spite our faces attitudes that got us into this position in the first place. ("He doesn't like me. He thinks I'm fat. I'll show him...give me some cookies and ice cream so I can drown my sorrows.."). I don't mean to be rude, and I absolutely think that we all need to be our own advocates to make sure we don't fall through the cracks, and to make sure our doctors know everything they need to know in order to help us. But, part of maturity is learning to accept that we don't always have all of the answers. My process took a while, although I was put on a fast track for certain medical reasons. But, I had to lose 26.5 lbs. I got accepted at the end of November, I think. I had my surgery 6/08/06 (one year ago today.) It took me a little over six months to get that weight off. But you know what? That six months was an important time. I got frustrated at my lack of progress, but I learned to quit blaming everybody else. Instead, I realized that maybe I was blocking my own process because of fear. Or because of unresolved issues that I needed to delve into. I used that time productively. I got back into a steady exercise routine, and I learned to enjoy the PROCESS. It wasn't just a means to an end...it was a journey. I did a lot of writing, talking to others on the board, listening to those who had been successful. I listened to the folks who struggled emotionally with coming to grips with their new bodies afterwards. I gave it all a lot of thought. By the time my surgery came, I was ready to change my life...with all that such change requires of me. I'm not a military disciplinary kind of person. So, I adjust here and there...eat more one day, cut back the next...eat crap one meal, make sure I get nutrition in me from the next one. Slack a few days, make sure I diligently get back on the exercise wagon the next couple of days. It's about balance. It's about figuring out why you let yourself get so out of control in the first place. It's about figuring out who you are, what your boundaries are, what your triggers are. It's about learning to love

yourself. It's about working with your support system and the people who love you most. I asked my loved ones, "Look, what behaviours have you seen in me that you think might contribute to my obesity?" The answers were hard to hear, but bless these people for talking turkey to me. I spent the time watching my skinny friends. Realizing that they couldn't honestly eat anything they wanted all of the time with no worries about gaining. NO. There were many times when they took one bite of dessert, and that was all. Or, heaven forbid, they didn't order dessert because they were full...or they had elected a fattening entree. I heard things (for the first time, because i hadn't paid close attention before), "hmmm...I think I'm going to get a salad, because I'm wanting to have a dessert tonight." I noticed that they didn't scarf down all of the bread. I noticed that if they did eat a lot,

they made a commitment to eat less the next few days, and they exercised an extra amount. I hear people say post surgery that after the initial honeymoon is over, they feel like they have to diet every day of their lives. I think that's not a very good way to look at it, because it makes you feel resentful and deprived. The reality is that post honeymoon period...you are NORMAL. And as a normal person, without as much of an advantage because maybe your tummy has healed up a bit, and has stretched a bit...and maybe your intestines have healed and are absorbing more calories..., you need to watch what you eat. Everybody does. EVERYBODY DOES> I used to think that relatively thin people were just showing off and trying to make me feel bad when they talked about feeling bloated, or needing to run 5 miles...or whatever. But now I am a thin person, and I

know what they are saying. When you wear a size 8, you only need to gain 3 or 4 lbs, and you might be wearing a 10. Thus, if you overeat for a day or two...you are really uncomfortable. It's easier to monitor your weight in terms or 1 or 2 or 3 lbs., rather than waiting until you are struggling with 10 lbs or more to lose. And so, after I eat too much...I realize I need to modify my behaviour for a bit. More exercise. More water. More protein. More vitamins. Just like a normal person. But, it took me some good, reflective time during my pre-surgery weightloss for me to really GET that. And so now, I don't feel upset about this "dieting". I don't think of it as a diet. It's just my life. It's the way I keep my weight under control. Just like all of the thin chicks in

the Marina who are out walking or running every a.m. So...relish this time pre-surgery. Use it to find equilibrium...to make a plan...to come to peace with yourself. It will prepare you for the rest of the journey. And maybe, just maybe...when you feel that your path is taking a different direction than someone at one of the other Kaiser's, or not at Kiaser at all, you will breathe deeply and realize that this is YOUR path, and YOUR path only...and maybe, this is exactly the direction you need to be taking at this point. Food for thought. Robynn 5'6" Surgery date 6/8/05 Highest weight: 261.5 Pre-surgery: 235.5 Current: 155 (been there since January. Happy to stay here, but wouldn't mind losing another 10 or 15 lbs.) Size: 8 Age: 42 jackpoint_94401 wrote: > I'm grateful that I got someone nice who explained it well, just wish > Kaiser could stay consistant and have the process for everyone be the > same LOL> Yes, wouldn't that be perfect, the identical process and answers for different problems, different people, different levels of

understanding, different emotional coping strategies. Of course, it's also obviously impossible. And I cannot believe the emotional energies wasted "coping" with the non-problem of non-consistency.People here worry over NOTHING! ALL THE TIME!Lighten up!Randy

[Guest guest]

Robynn,

Thank you very much for sharing these thoughts they are just what I needed to hear. THey are encouraging and still help me rebalance my thought process to where it will need to be to be successful for my entire life. I am getting close to the 10% mark about 5-6 lbs to go and you were right the process of losing this time has been different I am learning along the pathway.

Thanks

Jeff

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