Re: off topic - my son's behavior, again....long!

[Guest guest]

Just a few ideas for you.

> Well, my son is having a very difficult time at school. He's in a

spec. ed Kindergarten class.

What type of class? Perhaps the other kids in the class [like if it

is a BD or SED class] might be either tormenting him or teaching him

their own behaviors. Also, if the class is either too advanced or too

slow for him, he can be just bored and frustrated.

> Things were getting better last week,

and than it took a turn for the worst. He did quite well on Thursday

and Friday of last week, and again on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday

this week. However, yesterday and today he was out of control.

I would venture that something occurred in these last two days that

set him off. Was there a cooking project at school where they ate

food he should not have eaten? Perhaps one of the teachers or

children is not treating him nicely? Something like that.

> They

put him in the office

> for 1-1/2 hours today, and made him eat his lunch there too. They

returned him to the class at noon, and he behaved miserably. I was

called at 1:15 to pick him up from school.

One day is okay, but you are right when you say further down, that you

should not be required to remove him from school when this occurs.

You need a FBA and a behavior plan included in the IEP. LRE for FAPE

includes education for the full school day, or lesser day if included

in the IEP.

> Apparently, he has no

attention span at school, and can't stay on task. He trys to get up

from his seat, and wander around, doing as he pleases. If the teacher

returns him to his work or tells him no, he screams at her and talks

back saying things like, " I don't have to " , " you can't make me " , " no,

I won't " , etc...... I'm sure you all get the picture.

There are several medications you can consider for this, but first I

think you might want to consider dietary options. Is your son low

phenol? These behaviors can all be traced to phenol issues in

children with phenol intolerances. Here is more information on that.

http://home.pacbell.net/cscomp/phenol.htm

Also, if this is only for two days, and the other days your son was

okay, then I would strongly suspect something set him off, and you

should try to talk to him and the teachers about what that might have

been.

> Well, I called

an emergency IEP meeting, and asked them to set it for sometime next

week. I told them that I understand their concern, and I want to get

this nipped, but I'm also starting a new job on Wednesday (big bucks,

and we need it), so I can't run to school and pick him up everytime

they can't deal with him.

As I indicated before, the school can require this once or twice, but

it cannot be an everyday thing. You should work on a behavior plan

for his IEP.

> I was very nice about the whole thing, but

I told them that they were still obligated to provide him an

education, in the least restrictive environment, and if he's too much

to handle for 1 teacher and 2 aides in a class of 12, than the school

needs to higher a 1 on 1 aide for him.

Yes you are correct, the school is still obligated to educate him in

least restrictive environment. But you may discover the school will

inform you at your IEP meeting that your son's LRE would be a

different class, perhaps BD or SED if that is not where he is already,

and perhaps in a different location entirely. A 1:1 aide may not be

appropriate for this situation, from the school's perspective. Be

sure to require an FBA before agreeing to a different placement, if in

fact they recommend a different placement. Also, observe the new

placement to see if you would agree with it.

But I still think that if your son was okay for many days and only

difficult for the last two days, that something happened, perhaps

food, perhaps mistreatment, perhaps they started something that he

does not understand like a new discipline system or a new way of

lining up or a new *something* that your son is having a lot of

difficulty transitioning into.

> The Principal brought up

medicating him, and I agreed with wanting to try it, but I'm having

difficulty finding a doc to help me. My Ped brushed us off onto some

Psychologist who told me he would need to do some testing, and that it

costs between $500 and $1,000, and I would be required to pay up

front. Well, I can't do that, and that's nuts.....

Ask the school to evaluate your child for medications. A school

psychiatrist would be required to evaluate at no cost to you, and make

medication recommendations for you. Then you can let me know the

specific medications recommended, and I can give you information about

them, or you can look them up on my site.

http://home.pacbell.net/cscomp/parentin.htm#medications

A psychologist cannot prescribe medications, but can suggest

behavioral interventions, which you might want to consider trying

before trying medications.

Schools in general will recommend medications because it is easier for

the school people to medicate your child rather than working on

behavioral interventions for difficult behaviors. For some children,

medications are the best option, but not for all of the children who a

school would want to medicate. Please use your best judgement for

your own child, because you know him best. Also, pretty much everyone

I know from other message boards, indicates to use the lowest possible

dose of medications, because that seems to work best, and many of the

medications commonly prescribed have some potentially serious and even

permanent side effects, and the lowest dose will give you the best

protection against the possibility of those side effects.

> So, I spent

yesterday calling one doctor after another and getting the brush off,

or no return phone calls. Well, the school is getting the director of

Spec Ed involved to help me with this task, and to get the IEP meeting

set. Here's the biggest kicker. I've got a friend who's willing to

take the boys to school in the morning, but I have no after care. I

went to the YMCA and signed and Alec up for the latch key

program. They would be in it from 3:15 to 4:15. I spoke with the

director of this program and explained what we were dealing with, in

terms of 's behavior. She said she had a son with defiant

behavior, so she could relate. She felt they could handle it, not to

worry etc...... Well, the Principal told me that she WILL NOT allow

into that program, because they are not equipped to handle him,

and the school can't be responsible if something happened to him,

while there.

The school in most cases has no say in who you as a parent choose to

be a caregiver provider for your children. Are you requiring the

school to transport your children to the YMCA? Is the school paying

for the YMCA? Is the YMCA a branch of the school or on school

property? If there is no school involvement, then the school has no

say. [i personally would be a little angry if the principal told me

YMCA could not handle my child, and it was my own opinion that YMCA

was capable of doing so. Also, you can mention " gee, your school

can't handle him because you call me to get him early, but by law I

still have to bring him to school, how is YMCA any different?] If

there is school involvement, then you can negotiate it into the IEP

[for example, " aide will accompany child to YMCA after school " ].

Also, you can ask the YMCA to write down its qualifications for

handling your son, its behavior plan, etc. Might be informational for

the school even LOL

> I told her that I would loose my job, and without a job,

we would end up homeless. My husband pays a fair amount of support,

but not enough to raise 3 kids on, without employment. The Principal

said that they would help me find somewhere to put him, but that he

definately couldn't go to the latch key program. Well, I left there

in tears, because I've called many day cares and they either don't

have room or they basically tell me their program isn't right, because

of being a " special needs child " .

If the school " helps you find somewhere to put him " , I have several

observations. 1. Be sure of the credentials of anyone/anyplace

recommended. 2. If the school is recommending a placement, the school

is taking on a measure of liability. This was most of the school's

point in saying YMCA was not appropriate. I wonder if your school

knows about taking on this liability? 3. If latchkey is offered to

all students at this school, it must in most cases also be offered to

ALL students, including yours.

Are you receiving SSI? That would provide you with a little more

income, if you qualify. Also, there are several organizations which

provide care for children with disabilities, I can give you links if

you tell me your state and nearest major city.

> I don't know what to do. I

did get lucky when I went back to pick up Alec. The Principal saw me

and asked to speak to me again. She said that she wanted to apologize

for possibly " over stressing me " , because her secretary over heard the

whole conversation on day care, and pointed out to her that I would

probably be a basket case over the weekend and that she probably

ruined my weekend. That's an understatement. She told me that she

called the director of the latch key program, and they agreed to allow

him to come next week, until I find something else. What else, I

don't know.

Based on what I have indicated above, I believe you are entitled to

enroll your child for the latchkey program or the YMCA program,

whichever you believe is best for your child. You can also consider a

personal care assistant [PCA] for your child, sort of like a

professional nanny for a certain number of hours each month. I will

copy to the bottom of this message, information on PCA that I copied

from another message board.

> There is a silver lining to this whole mess. My sister

has been playing match maker with a divorced father of two, so I've

made a new friend, thanks to my sister. Well, we are going out

tonight and he called right when I got home and I was in tears. He's

incredibly generous and offered to take his lunches during the school

dismisal time, so he could pick up from school and deliver him to

me at work, permanently or temporarily. How thoughtful, but that

would get old quickly.

Very nice of him, but having a difficult child with you at work,

especially at the beginning of your employment, may not work out well

with your new employer.

> So, I turn to all of you for advise.....

Advise on the IEP issue and where to go for daycare with my

hyperactive, defiant, child. He really does have a lovely side to

him, I just wish others would witness it, as much as I do. I don't

have any friends here, so finding someone to care for him at home is

out. Any ideas????????????????????

PCA, see below. [One note, one family I know, has 192 hours of

PCA/respite per month (48 hours per week), all paid for by the state.]

~~~~~

From Shirley: Please everyone! Help yourself and call your local

Office of Rehabilitation. Don't ask for respite. Ask for a " Personal

Care Assistant " . Be firm. Call and matter of factly TELL them, " My

child needs a personal care assistant. " And if they ask why, tell them

specifics. A personal care assistant is supposed to help your child do

what they can't do themselves that is age appropriate. (toileting, sit

at the table, etc.) The more horror stories you tell them, the more

hours you will get. For example, " when I made dinner, my son broke the

window, because I can't watch him at the same time " or " my daughter

has to take her food with her to the bathroom if she has to go during

dinner, or her brother will destroy her food. " Everything is point

based. The more you tell them, the more it helps you. Also, let them

know that you have somebody to hire. They usually like that, as they

are lazy and if they have to find someone, they won't give you the

service. (Then recruit a college student with sp. ed, education,

music, drama, etc. major--I've had tons of success with these)

Good luck! One mom I just met was floored when she found out I was

getting 95 hours a month. This is her email to me....

A reply: Shirley, I am really happy we got to talk the other day. I

searched the web for the Dept. of Human Services and printed off an

appl. for the Family Assist. lottery you talked about, I mailed that

out yesterday. Before I got your email I made several phone calls and

eventually ended up with the Office of Rehab, a case worker came out

today and we are now going to receive 75 hours a month for a PCA! WOW,

much better than the possible 5 hours of respite we were getting

before. The caseworker also gave me the name of a Benefits Choice

Counsler, I need her phone number yet, she should be able to help

determine any other services that Kraig would qualify for.

I am happy to finally find some help that Kraig deserved to get LONG

ago. I just don't understand why the services are hidden (so to

speak), apparently they are plentful, but they just don't want famlies

to know about them, it's just not right.