Help with Child Fears

[Guest guest]

First let me say that my kids are 2 and 3, so I have no experience raising kids

over that age.

I would think at 10 your daughter is old enough to hear the truth from you. I

know you don't want to cause her undue fear, but she is already afraid and she

needs to know as much as she can understand. Being honest and up front with her

will help her feel like you trust her and you aren't hiding something. It is

the fear of the unknown that is the most scary.

Explain to her that every type of surgery has risks and some are higher than

others. My mother had a double bypass 3 years ago. She never had a heart

attack and wasn't having problems beyond having her heart race once in a great

while. She felt the risk of surgery was less than the risk of having a heart

attack. It is the same with WLS. There are all kinds of risks in our lives and

some are worth taking to avoid others. For me I wanted to risk surgery so I

could have a better chance of being around for my kids as they grow up.

I do understand her feelings about not wanting to be the only fat one in the

family. I have one sister and she is very thin. I always felt so bad about my

body next to her. Genetically, she is probably predisposed to having weight

problems. There are many people that overcome weight problems without surgery.

The younger you are, the easier it is to overcome. After your surgery, you will

probably start eating better foods. You can ask your daughter to help you with

your eating after surgery and you can both work together to become part of the

thin members of the family. If she is interested, your pediatrician could

recommend programs for kids her age. With both of you working together I bet

she would feel so much better about herself. Maybe you and your daughter can

take up some kind of exercising together.

If she looked up the surgery on her computer, she must be a very smart kid.

Give her credit for her intelligence and give her honest answers that she can

understand. Don't try to tell her that everything will be fine and brush off

her concerns. Go through what she found and explain the reality of the risks

she saw and that those are not very likely to happen. When you read that you

can die from surgery, they don't usually explain how that happens, who it

usually happens to, and how you fit into all of that.

I hope some of this helps.

Kathy M.

DS 7/19/01

213 pre-op

163 today

[Guest guest]

Help!

All my kids know that I am having this surgery but I didn't want

to scare them by telling them all the Risk involved. well my 10 year

old approached me with her many fears about the risk involved and she

said to me " Mommy we love you just the way you are, you don't need

to have this surgery " She tells me she has looked up the surgery on

the computer and she is so afriad that I am going to die. I have

talked with her at length about her fears and praying about it but I

can't seem to get her to relax about it. Another fear she has is

because she her self is big for her age. MY husband and other 2

daughters are all very thin. She told me that she doesn't want to be

the only " fat " person in the family. I hurt so much for her, SHe

not only is over weight with 2 thin sisters but she is the only child

with blonde hair and blue eyes. She takes after my husbands family

in looks and my side as far as height and weight. She has always

hated the fact that she doesn't look like her sisters or me. She is

5' 4 " and 165#'s and my other girls are 5' 1 " 92#'s and 5'3 " 98#'s

dk.brown hair and eyes and they are 2 years and 6 years older then

she is. At her age she has so much to deal with. Any suggestions?

Has anyone else had this problem and how did you cope with it?

Thanks for being here

Be Happy

B

pre-op 11-13-01

Wt. 308 BMI 49