Should I Tell My Family

[Guest guest]

Hi

I have what the dentists and doctors like to call an over projecting

jaw. I recently decided to find out about correcting it and went to

see a surgeon privately. I was a bit shocked to discover that my

bite on a scale of 1 to 5 with 1 being the best and 5 the worst, is a

5.

I wasn't aware that to put things right I would need orthodontics, I

naively thought I could just have an operation and everything would

be alright. Apparently I'll need about 12-18 months in braces and

then surgery on both my upper and lower jaws as well as removing my

wisdom teeth. I'm now waiting to see the same surgeon on the NHS as

I can't afford the £11000 that private treatment will cost. This

means that it may be 2008 before I'm finished which is very

disheartening. I want to go ahead with the surgery as I'm fed up of

being called names but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't more than a

little scared. Also I haven't discussed it with my mum and brother

and don't know how they will react. When it comes down to it I am

the one who's unhappy but I feel that my mum in particular will be

upset with my decision. Not sure that it would be fair not to tell

though? How have other people's family and friends reacted?

Also and I think this is a pretty common fear, I'm 32 now and single,

and I feel I'm lining myself up for at least two more years on my

own, which is pretty soul destroying. I wish I'd had the courage or

been pushed by my dentist into tackling this earlier.

Any advice or moral support appreciated.

Suzan

[Guest guest]

Hi Suzan,

First off, congratulations on finally discovering what the underlying

problem is that is causing your unhappiness with your appearance & /or

function and fixing it properly. On earlier posts I have talked about

how I am shocked by the number of people that I've spoken with that are

clear candidates for this surgery and have never even been told it

exists. Then there are others who attempt to get implants or veneers to

cosmetically " fix " the problem but aren't really solving anything. I

also think it's terrible that you find yourself being " called names " ...

I'd sock those people in the mouth so hard, they'd need braces.

I started my treatment in 2002, when I was 25 years old and and just

got my surgery about 4 weeks ago- at 28. I too was nervous that I would

be " putting my life on hold " to get this taken care of... when I first

put on the braces I even asked the orthodontist how much it would cost

to remove them temporarily if I wanted to get married and not wear them

to the wedding. There are many people here who have expressed concern

that they will not have a social life or be considered attractive with

their braces on. I think the overall consensus is that it really not

such a big deal if you don't let it be. Most people find that they are

the only one as concerned about their braces and the people around them

quickly forget they are even there. The only people that don't are

those that are jealous of your courage and curious about the process.

Some men even have a " thing " for women in braces as it reminds them of

their first crush or of being a kid. It's true- I swear.

As for telling your family... I too hesitated to tell my family at the

beginning. I knew they would think I was crazy and I thought my mom

would feel bad that I had to go and do this now because it was not

properly handled when I was a kid. I did tell them- obviously they saw

when I got the braces on and thought I was overreactinhg... then when I

told them about the surgery, they thought I was out of my mind. I gave

them info that I received from this and other websites about the

surgery and they pretty much just kept their mouths shut because I am

an adult and told them that if they did not like my decision, they

could discuss it among themselves but leave me alone to make my own

decision. It was also a few years ago that I first brought it up. At

that point, it was so far away that it was too early for them to make a

big issue and then, by the time surgery rolled around, the idea had

already settled a bit. In the end, they really put their best foot

forward and tried to support my decision. (except for one phone call

from my dad, about a week before surgery ... " we are all very concerned

and don't think you should be doing this... blah blah blah- I cut him

off, told him it was my decision and that he should keep his opinions

to himself. He did. ) I did not even want them in the hospital with me

at the beginning (my boyfriend was going to be there) because I did not

want to feel judged. My sister was co-incidentally scheduled to have a

cecerian section that same day in a different state and they were all

going to be there. I was very relieved but at the last minute her

doctors decided to let her go till her natural delivery date and my mom

did come to the hospital. She was completely supportive, brought 12

different varieties of soup and demanded I get the stronger pain

killers.

In the end, if you stand your ground and don't allow other people the

opportunity to feel they can impact your well thought-out decision,

they will respect your choice & support you. (true about things well

beyond the scope of this forum...)

Another small story, at one of my earlier appointments with my surgeon

I met young woman who had traveled from India to see my doctor. She

had had the surgery in India but it was not done properly and now she

had come to the states to fix it. She told me that originally she did

not tell her mom about the surgery but since it got messed up, she had

to tell her mom after the fact because her mom had accompanied her to

New York. Not that that is the norm, but it did occur to me at the time

that it must have been very frightening going through the process

alone... especially since things did not go right...

Yes, the process will take a while, it can be frustrating,

time-consuming and disheartening...but in the end, the results are

life-long and almost always a positive outcome... well worth the

temporary annoyances. And remember, the earlier you get the process

started,, the earlier it will be done and the only one that can put

your " life on hold " is you so just decide not to.

Good Luck! Happy to answer any other questions!

Tova

>

> Hi

>

> I have what the dentists and doctors like to call an over projecting

> jaw.  I recently decided to find out about correcting it and went to

> see a surgeon privately.  I was a bit shocked to discover that my

> bite on a scale of 1 to 5 with 1 being the best and 5 the worst, is a

> 5. 

>

> I wasn't aware that to put things right I would need orthodontics, I

> naively thought I could just have an operation and everything would

> be alright.  Apparently I'll need about 12-18 months in braces and

> then surgery on both my upper and lower jaws as well as removing my

> wisdom teeth.  I'm now waiting to see the same surgeon on the NHS as

> I can't afford the £11000 that private treatment will cost.  This

> means that it may be 2008 before I'm finished which is very

> disheartening.  I want to go ahead with the surgery as I'm fed up of

> being called names but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't more than a

> little scared.  Also I haven't discussed it with my mum and brother

> and don't know how they will react.  When it comes down to it I am

> the one who's unhappy but I feel that my mum in particular will be

> upset with my decision.  Not sure that it would be fair not to tell

> though? How have other people's family and friends reacted?

>

> Also and I think this is a pretty common fear, I'm 32 now and single,

> and I feel I'm lining myself up for at least two more years on my

> own, which is pretty soul destroying.  I wish I'd had the courage or

> been pushed by my dentist into tackling this earlier.

>

> Any advice or moral support appreciated.

>

> Suzan

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