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The Sarcoidosis Fairy Tale Reader

By theGardener

Posted January 28, 2009 at 12:59 pm · 21 replies

Shared with the public

Edited January 29, 2009 at 9:14 pm

12

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Recommend Print Report post The Sarcoidosis Fairy Tale Reader

The Sarkie Princess and the Frog

Once upon a time there was a beautiful young Princess, but all she

could do was sit by the babbling brook and cough her brains out from

dawn until dusk.

Then one day a frog hopped up beside the Princess and said, " Oh, you

poor girl, you have Sarcoidosis and will surly be miserable the rest

of your days. But fear not, for I am a handsome Prince with,

hereunto, arcane knowledge of how to cure autoimmune diseases. But,

unfortunately, I was turned into a frog by an jealous pharmaceutical

company. If you will but kiss me, the spell will be broken and I will

happily cure you. "

The Princess saw that, indeed, the frog was warty, slimy, and

uncomely… but what the heck, the Princess was a trusting soul and you

never knew what kind of riches came along with a restored, medically

savvy Prince. So she picked up the frog, closed her eyes and kissed

him.

When she opened her eyes she was still holding a frog by the

foot. " You have deceived me, you vile lout! " the Princess said. But

the frog pleaded, " I don't understand? It should have… wait, try

again. But this time kiss me… there. "

" There? " the Princess said bewildered.

" Ummmm, yeah, there. I'm sure that would do it. Then I may cure you

of your awful Sarcoidosis. "

" Oh, all right. " Agreed the Princess. So she puckered, and smooched.

Nothing. The frog was the same, albeit quite pleased. " Oh dear,

perhaps if you kissed me a little more… here, but slower. Take your

time… "

" Forget it, pal. " The Princess growled and tossed the frog to her pet

Rottweiler Samson. And the deceitful frog lived out his days as a

very unhappy squeaky toy.

As for the Princess, her coughing fits subsided over time on their

own, and she eventually shacked up with a rather habit-forming toad

that made everything seem dreamy and kind of psychedelic when licked.

And they lived happily ever after, with the exception of an

occasional flare-up. The end.

The Sarkie Gingerbread Man

Once upon a time there was an old woman who lived alone so she

decided to bake a gingerbread man for company. She formed his eyes

out of raisins and his buttons of sugar. When he had baked long

enough she went to open the oven, but to her surprise the little

gingerbread man popped out on his own and ran across the floor.

He taunted the old woman, " Run, run as fast as you can, you can't

catch me I'm the (coff! Coff!) ginger (coff!) bread man! You old

crone! " A rather nasty gingerbread man he was, and he ran to the

doorway.

The old woman called to him, " Wait! I forgot to tell you, you have

sugar buttons, raisin eyes, and Sarcoidosis! "

The gingerbread man only paused to make a nasty hand gesture and

said, " Run, (coff!) run as fast as you can, you can't catch me I'm

the (coff! Coff!) gingerbread man! " And he sped out the door as fast

as his two little legs could carry him.

Not more than five feet into the dooryard the gingerbread man

collapsed, sweating profusely, trying to catch his breath. He felt

like crap and his heart was palpitating wildly behind his little

sugar buttons. Thereupon, the old woman's cat easily gobbled him up,

which was quite a site because the cat was old and slow with no

teeth. The end.

The Old Sarkie Woman that Lived in a Shoe

There once was an old woman with Sarcoidosis that lived in a shoe and

she had so many children, she did not know what to do; and none of

the energy to do it anyway because her Sarcoidosis had her laid out

on the couch most of the day while the kids ran amok all over the

place.

So she went to visit her primary care provider to ask his opinion.

Unfortunately, the doctor knew nothing about Sarcoidosis and mumbled

something about " female problems " then proceeded to prescribe anti-

depressants and handed her a pamphlet on family planning.

Frustrated, the old woman insisted that her eldest boy forget about

harvesting turnips for market and become a lawyer. Thereupon, the

boy, having graduated law school, sued the doctor for mal-practice

and the old woman moved into a rather snappy Italian leather pump,

found a new Sarcoidosis specialist, and lived happily ever after. The

End.

—

[Guest guest]

Too funny!!!!

>

> The Sarcoidosis Fairy Tale Reader

> By theGardener

> Posted January 28, 2009 at 12:59 pm · 21 replies

> Shared with the public

> Edited January 29, 2009 at 9:14 pm

> 12

>

> Recommendations

> Recommend Print Report post The Sarcoidosis Fairy Tale Reader

>

> The Sarkie Princess and the Frog

> Once upon a time there was a beautiful young Princess, but all she

> could do was sit by the babbling brook and cough her brains out from

> dawn until dusk.

>

> Then one day a frog hopped up beside the Princess and said, " Oh, you

> poor girl, you have Sarcoidosis and will surly be miserable the rest

> of your days. But fear not, for I am a handsome Prince with,

> hereunto, arcane knowledge of how to cure autoimmune diseases. But,

> unfortunately, I was turned into a frog by an jealous pharmaceutical

> company. If you will but kiss me, the spell will be broken and I will

> happily cure you. "

>

> The Princess saw that, indeed, the frog was warty, slimy, and

> uncomely… but what the heck, the Princess was a trusting soul and you

> never knew what kind of riches came along with a restored, medically

> savvy Prince. So she picked up the frog, closed her eyes and kissed

> him.

>

> When she opened her eyes she was still holding a frog by the

> foot. " You have deceived me, you vile lout! " the Princess said. But

> the frog pleaded, " I don't understand? It should have… wait, try

> again. But this time kiss me… there. "

>

> " There? " the Princess said bewildered.

>

> " Ummmm, yeah, there. I'm sure that would do it. Then I may cure you

> of your awful Sarcoidosis. "

>

> " Oh, all right. " Agreed the Princess. So she puckered, and smooched.

>

> Nothing. The frog was the same, albeit quite pleased. " Oh dear,

> perhaps if you kissed me a little more… here, but slower. Take your

> time… "

>

> " Forget it, pal. " The Princess growled and tossed the frog to her pet

> Rottweiler Samson. And the deceitful frog lived out his days as a

> very unhappy squeaky toy.

>

> As for the Princess, her coughing fits subsided over time on their

> own, and she eventually shacked up with a rather habit-forming toad

> that made everything seem dreamy and kind of psychedelic when licked.

> And they lived happily ever after, with the exception of an

> occasional flare-up. The end.

>

> The Sarkie Gingerbread Man

> Once upon a time there was an old woman who lived alone so she

> decided to bake a gingerbread man for company. She formed his eyes

> out of raisins and his buttons of sugar. When he had baked long

> enough she went to open the oven, but to her surprise the little

> gingerbread man popped out on his own and ran across the floor.

>

> He taunted the old woman, " Run, run as fast as you can, you can't

> catch me I'm the (coff! Coff!) ginger (coff!) bread man! You old

> crone! " A rather nasty gingerbread man he was, and he ran to the

> doorway.

>

> The old woman called to him, " Wait! I forgot to tell you, you have

> sugar buttons, raisin eyes, and Sarcoidosis! "

>

> The gingerbread man only paused to make a nasty hand gesture and

> said, " Run, (coff!) run as fast as you can, you can't catch me I'm

> the (coff! Coff!) gingerbread man! " And he sped out the door as fast

> as his two little legs could carry him.

>

> Not more than five feet into the dooryard the gingerbread man

> collapsed, sweating profusely, trying to catch his breath. He felt

> like crap and his heart was palpitating wildly behind his little

> sugar buttons. Thereupon, the old woman's cat easily gobbled him up,

> which was quite a site because the cat was old and slow with no

> teeth. The end.

>

>

> The Old Sarkie Woman that Lived in a Shoe

> There once was an old woman with Sarcoidosis that lived in a shoe and

> she had so many children, she did not know what to do; and none of

> the energy to do it anyway because her Sarcoidosis had her laid out

> on the couch most of the day while the kids ran amok all over the

> place.

>

> So she went to visit her primary care provider to ask his opinion.

> Unfortunately, the doctor knew nothing about Sarcoidosis and mumbled

> something about " female problems " then proceeded to prescribe anti-

> depressants and handed her a pamphlet on family planning.

>

> Frustrated, the old woman insisted that her eldest boy forget about

> harvesting turnips for market and become a lawyer. Thereupon, the

> boy, having graduated law school, sued the doctor for mal-practice

> and the old woman moved into a rather snappy Italian leather pump,

> found a new Sarcoidosis specialist, and lived happily ever after. The

> End.

>

> —

>