Surrender or Conquer

[Guest guest]

First a huge hello to the gang! I know I've been out of touch for awhile, the first real break I've taken from the group in 5 years. It has been hard to be away, but I seriously needed to refuel.

I wanted to share some insight that came to me today. I spent today going to the doctor's, then out to breakfast-- I've officially been diagnosed as diabetic, and for my 52nd birthday, I started giving myself insulin shots. The shots are a piece of cake, but the finger pokes 4 times a day are making these finger tips a bit sore. Anyway, that was off topic.

So-- insight; a talk show host on the radio was discussing how we are a society that has come to expect ourselves to "conquer" our lives. Whether it's a faith relationship, a health issue, a financial issue-- we all raise our hackles and ready ourself for the "fight."

The challenge is that if we are ready for a "fight"-- and conquer, we are in high alert mode. We raise our hackles, and hunker down for whatever is to come next. Our muscles, our brains, our hormones all get the signal to go into hyperdrive. Well, when we do this-- those stress hormones are released, and we're off. We may be sitting in our recliner, but we're ready. We've told our bodies that we need to armor up, protect and defend. It doesn't matter that there is nothing going on-- we're ready-- anyhow.

The immune system has sent out it's front line, and our blood pressure is increased. Our blood sugar is elevated for battle, and our mind is now playing out a scenario of "what if."

Our muscles tighten, and harden--and we've got those endorphins running-- amok.

For those of us with sarcoidosis, we've just managed to "mind-screw" ourself. All of the "what if's" may never come to fruition. If they did manage to become a reality-- we are ready. Come hell or high water-- we're ready.

Is this fair to our bodies? Absolutely not. It is a form of self-abuse. Our thoughts and self-talk become our own worst enemy. All those hormonal signals have to go somewhere-- so why not in your muscles as spasms, or in your joints as pain, or in your lungs as restricted, panic based breathing. The blood vessels have constricted and narrowed to handle the extra blood pressure, and the headache has started, or intensified. The physical exhausting is real-- you've just run a mine field in your head. The mental gymnastics has left you "energy" depleted.

This is what living in fear is about. This is a self-induced traumatic stress. This can, if you let it, become totally, completely self- destructing. It's a normal part of living with chronic illness. The guilt of knowing that we're doing this to ourself will for some, become their next reason for battle. (I know, some of you want to strangle me for even stating that you might be partly responsible for mind-screwing yourself. and I'm ok with that.)

So, how do we change this "normal" behavior?

We tell ourself "STOP"!!! STOP this process when you first recognize that you are going into a battle mode. Say it out loud! "STOP!!!" Then gently, slowly, and with a deep soothing breath, tell yourself that you are safe. You are SAFE. You are.

Yes, scary things are going on-- but you've been living with these scary things for some time now, and you're fairly ok. You've adapted, and you will continue to adapt. You are capable, competent and compassionate-- with yourself. You don't have to fight yourself, or anyone else-- and you can surrender this part of living with chronic illness.

Surrender-- what is that? It is an act of faith, an act of trust, and act of love-- for yourself in every corner of your life. Surrender can become your anchor. It is not the same as giving up, it's the act of acceptance, with a door open to find even more answers, and the assurance that there are people and tools and resources to help you live with chronic illness. It is freedom.

Rest assured, that what you need is provided, and that by keeping your heart and mind open, you can find healing-- some physical, some emotional, some spiritual.

With compassion,

Tracie

NS Co-owner/moderator