Re: Domestic Violence (long post)

[Guest guest]

Cherie, I can't say I know exactly what you are going through right now but

I can sympathize with you. In January of last year my husband told me he had

been with someone else and we seperated, he moved out in February. It was

during this time that I found the strength to pursue this surgery that I had

been

wanting for about 2 years. I had my surgery in May of 2003 and to date have

lost 146lbs. About 2 mos. after my surgery I found out I was pregnant, my

husband and I had an " encounter " . My second daughter is now 4 1/2 mos. The

one

thing I can say if anything at all, is that you have made the effort to pursue

this surgery. If anything, do it for yourself you deserve to give yourself

the " tool " that will help you lose the weight you want to lose and gain a

whole new life. This time next year you'll be fighting off all the men trying

to

get to know you. I know with myself I have gained my self esteem, I'm still

working on some other issues (those that made me overeat to begin with) but my

confidence and the love I have for myself and my body is such a wonderful

feeling. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I went through the surgery on my

own, flew from Stockton to Los Angeles and stayed in the hospital for 4 days by

myself. Went through the recovery with just my sister to help me with my

toddler. I hadn't told any of my friends or many relatives I was having the

surgery because I was at the time embarrassed to admit I needed the help to lose

the weight. I know if I could do it you can tooo!!! You will be so glad that

you did proceed with it. After all, it is something you want for yourself

otherwise you never would've made the effort to begin with. It's not an easy

decision to make there's alot of thought and consideration that goes into it.

So

go for it and keep your chin up!! There will be someone out there who deserves

your love and can love you for who you are. Regardless of your weight, the

first process is loving ones self.

Take care and God Bless,

Stockton

RNY/326/180

5/14/03

[Guest guest]

Please be very careful. Promise me when you return to your home after your

surgery that you are not left alone. He'll try to control you. Have one

of your children stay with you. I do not want you alone, especially after

having surgery. You'll be weaker than normal. Or go stay with family while

you recuperate.

I've seen it before, once you think the storm is over you find out another

hurricane is coming. Before entering your car look in the backseat. I have

seen many husbands, ex-husband hide in the backseat of a women's vehicle.

They were unknowingly driving with their estranged husband hiding. They

appear when least expected and you are generally very vulnerable. Remove

anything from the floor of your car. If you keep a blanket or something in

your car, place it in the truck. Make sure there is nothing in the backseat

that your husband can hide under. If you see him, do not enter the car or

confront him. Simply pretend you didn't see him and get the hell away from

the car. Find a cop, security guard, large man or have a cell phone, call

the police. Hopefully taking pre-cautions can help remove your feelings of

vulnerability.

Also document EVERYTHING. Write it down, take photographs, especially any

bruises, markings. It's great that you have a number of neighbors who are

policemen. But they cannot watch all the time so any pre-cautions you do

will certainly keep you on your toes. If you have an alarm system in your

house. Change the code. Let the security company know that there was

domestic violence in the home and let them know that the perpetuator is no

longer living there and that you have a court over for him to keep away. If

you don't have an alarm and you are now living alone. Maybe getting one now

would be a great idea. If you can't afford it, buy or adopt a dog,

preferably a big one and not a puppy. You'd be amazed at how protective

they are when people threatened them or you. They'll kill for you. It's

also good to get a can of mace. I have one on my keychain. I have never

used it but it's good to have it just in case. And to physically protect

yourself should he ever get his hands on you. Remember SING! Sing are the

four vulnerable areas of the male. S-Solar plexus (stomach), I-In step on

the foot, N-Nose and G-Groin. Also the knee is a great place to kick.

While I was working at the shelter, I had been out with friends dancing. A

guy wouldn't leave me alone and all I had to do with slam my foot down on

top of his. He screamed like a little girl. It works. I didn't have to do

any of the others. If he ever gets his hands on your throat. Remember to

lift your arms up in the air, or at least one arm, twist your body until

your elbow is in his face and smash his nose with your elbow. What also

works is the palm of your hand and with all the power you can smash his nose

upward.

These are all things I learned about when working at the shelter. He'll try

to psychologically intimidate you up until the time of your surgery.

I pity any of the women that get involved with him from the internet dating

services. He should come with a caution, enter at your own risk label.

They put labels on alcohol, cigarettes, machinery, but not men. What is up

with that!

He, I'd bet a million dollars, will be looking for another vulnerable women,

with low self esteem, low self worth, who has spent some time alone and is

hoping for some male attention. He'll give it to them and they'll eat it

up. And the cycle will continue. You know since working at the shelter

I've learned to never, ever let my guard down. I've seen to much or heard

some horror stories. KNOW THIS. Feel empowered. Remember you are a very

good person and you deserve so much more. And as you start to lose your

weight, your empowerment will increase, your self worth will increase and

your self esteem. Remember to that once you've become empowered he can no

longer control you or have power over you. It is a psychological game for

him so don't play it. Cut your losses and move on.

Hope this help you and others.

Eileen

Domestic Violence

Hello Everyone,

Its been awhile since I posted here, though I have been reading all the

post. I am scheduled for surgery on August 2, 2004, in San Diego at Pacific

Bariatric. Which I am so happy about.

My husband served me with divorce papers on June15th while we both lay in

bed watching TV. I have been dealing with that the best I can under the

circumstances. On June 24th my husband came home in a rage and decided to

take things out on me. As I sat reading this groups posting he attached me

from behind and placed his forearm across my throat and was choking me. He

then threw me to the ground. I called 911 and was talking (screaming) to

the 911 operator to send help. he took the phone from me call me every

filthy name in the book and threw the computer keyboard at me. He was mad at

me because he said I didn't need this surgery and I moved his clothes out

of our bedroom into the spare where he was sleeping.

He pulled out all the computer wires and grabbed the computer unit and left

only to come back again and push me to the ground and hit my face. I call

911 again and they sent the police. He was arrested for domestic violence.

Since there was not any blood at the time they booked him on a misdemeanor.

He bailed out and I have been attempting to get a restraining order to

protect myself.

Here I am trying to get my mind set for this surgery and all this is going

on. I feel so lost and alone that you folks were the only people that I

felt I could turn to for support.

My world is turned upside down and I don't know what to do now.

I am only 22 days before my pre-op meting and 3 days later is surgery. I

know that I need and want this surgery asap. I have worked so hard to get

this approved and with all the other medical problems I have my health will

only get better by having the surgery.

I just feel lost right now and alone. I didn't mean for this to be so

long, but had to talk to someone.

Cherie Rivard

Surgery Date 8-2-04

Pacific Bariatric - San Diego, CA

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