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Re: Just Thinking Outloud

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How many times have we heard, " You

have such a lovely face " >>>>

You know, Dee......so many of us have such pretty faces! Its true! And

they become more beautiful after the weight is lost!

Judie

Just Thinking Outloud

> I'm in a weird mood tonight. I'm planning my mode of

> attack when I see my PCP on Thursday, knowing how

> important it is to have him on my side while fighting

> the Marin IPA and Pacificare so I can have the DS.

> This fight is going to be one of the most important

> fights I'll ever have because, if successful, I'll

> have the chance at a new life.

>

> Earlier tonight, I was brushing my teeth and looked

> into the mirror. I saw my bloated, fat face and

> wondered what I'll look like when thinner. What does

> my face look like? How many times have we heard, " You

> have such a lovely face " ? Well, I don't know if I do

> have one because I've been overweight most of the past

> 20 years.

>

> And I wonder what it'll be like to be standing and

> look down and actually SEE my privates and upper legs.

> It would be so nice, too, to not have those horrible

> sores in the folds of my stomach. No sweating there

> either. Just to be able to lift my leg a few inches

> and not hit my knee on my floppy stomach -what's that

> like?

>

> I want to look at my Mom and not see the pain in her

> eyes when she looks at me. She's getting up there in

> years and I want her to see me thin, to know I'm okay.

> I know she worries.

>

> God, I want to walk more than a few feet without

> making breathing sounds like I just ran a marathon. I

> don't want to have to worry about being ill and being

> embarassed that it would take several people to lift

> me up if I needed to be moved. I want to be able to

> get out of bed without a struggle. I want to throw my

> CPAP mask out the window!

>

> I want to be able to walk past children and their

> parents and not hear comments from the kids, such as,

> " Is that lady having a baby? "

>

> I'm willing to do so much to have the surgery. I'm

> willing to put myself at risk of panic attacks when

> going to the meetings and to the hospital. I'm

> willing to pay the extra fees that Dr Rabkin charges.

> I'm willing to chance the risk of the surgery itself.

>

>

> I'm willing to stop smoking before the surgery. I'm

> willing to live a lifetime of vitamins and eating the

> right foods. I'd give up the diet sodas too! I'd

> even welcome the batwings, super-hanging stomach and

> breasts, etc. (Remind me I said this later, ok?!!)

>

> My insurance company has paid for a nutritionist,

> phen-fen, high blood pressure pills, gall bladder

> removal, two sleep studies and one CPAP machine plus

> regular replacing of the equipment, etc. The company

> will even pay for the RNY. Why won't they give me the

> DS surgery?

>

> OK, I'll get off my pitypot now. Thanks again for

> letting me vent. I really feel at home with you -

> are all so supportive.

>

>

> =====

> Dee

> Waiting for Ins. Co. Approval

> 313/Want to be 165

>

> __________________________________________________

>

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> Earlier tonight, I was brushing my teeth and looked

> into the mirror. I saw my bloated, fat face and

> wondered what I'll look like when thinner. What does

> my face look like? How many times have we heard, " You

> have such a lovely face " ? Well, I don't know if I do

> have one because I've been overweight most of the past

> 20 years.

Dee,

You DO have a lovely face! That's the one thing that really hurts me

to hear on this group. So many people feel they are ugly simply

because they're fat. It's one of the reasons there is so much

discrimination against us in this society, because we perpetuate the

belief that we're unattractive and unloveable. You are a beautiful

woman, no matter how much you weigh! Please believe that. It's the

differences that make each of us unique and compelling. Few of us

are going to have perfect bodies after we're switched but we will all

be just as beautiful as we were before! We'll be a lot HEALTHIER and

will have a lot fewer medical problems but we will still be

beautiful, just as we are NOW.

Hugs!

Tracey in San Diego

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