Pacing tiger

[Guest guest]

Good morning comrades,

I just have to put this out there. I am so fried from stress right

now. Not that my problems are particularily big, but I still haven't

mastered the skills of coping well without food or alcohol. One side

of my mind has it down, but the habits still want to rear their ugly

heads.

I'm having trouble sleeping and I find myself pacing like a tiger at

night, fighting the absolutely all consuming compulsion to snack. I

try to keep myself busy but it's like fighting an alien being in my

head.

It's just a matter of time and practice. The more I succeed at

squelching these impulses, the easier it will become.

I did give in to grazing last night to some extent, but I ate f/f

cottage cheese and string cheese. Not a success, but not chips

either. I know I'll be disappointed when I go to the gym today and

see either no loss or (shudder) a gain. But I have to weigh myself

to make myself accountable. That's one of the major ways for my

brain to make the connection. Then when I am sweating like a pig

during my workout I will ask myself, " Was it worth it? Wouldn't it

be easier to white knuckle it for an hour at night rather than spend

two hours working it off? " I always use the calorie counter on the

treadmill and bike so I can see exactly how much effort it takes to

work off what I so easily pop in my mouth. It will take me an hour

of cycling to work off the 320 extra calories I popped last night.

I'm not beating myself up though. In fact, I'm really enjoying this

re-wiring of my brain. I fully expect it to take a few years, but

it's a few years of progress filled with ever increasing rewards and

enjoyment and appreciation of life.

This morning at a support group meeting a couple of people commented

on how good I am looking. Call me vain, but that's just the little

extra added push I need.

So it's off to walk the dogs with the kids for an hour and then to

the gym. Afterwards I will treat myself by going to the nursery and

buying some more vegetable plants for my garden.

It's all good.

Smiles,

Vicki A.