Dog rules (OT but really funny!)

July 17, 2003

Only Dog owners can really appreciate a letter like this....

Dear Dogs,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each

other so there are still two dogs in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes

are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of

my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor

do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating me to

the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster

than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this.

Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look

at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not

necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest

extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues

hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some

miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, don't paw under the

edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.

In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not

mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt. I cannot stress

this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

Rules for non pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

1. The dog lives here. You don't.

2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, she's a dog. To me, she's an adopted daughter who is short, hairy,

walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time,

are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang

out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the

latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for

college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the pups.

The same applies to cats, except they ignore you until you are asleep.

Please pass this on to those who appreciate the humor (and truth).

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