Guest guest Posted October 16, 2001 Report Share Posted October 16, 2001 In a message dated 10/16/01 2:36:21 AM Eastern Daylight Time, duodenalswitch writes: > > You ever want to passively avoid (i.e., ignore) something and > > then get the feeling that the gods aren't going to let you? > > Well...here I am debating to myself what and when to tell Mom > > and lo and behold I get a call today and it's " I'll be out there > next > , I am Polly(42) pre-op 338 lbs. and I have been overweight all my life. The problems I have had with my Mother about diets goes back at least 30 years. I didn't want to tell her about the surgery as she always was so negative about all my failed attempts. I researched the surgeries, decided on the DS, then I told her. I was ready with information for her attack yet she was different. She said she will not worry about the surgery anymore then she worries about my weight. I was relieved to hear this. i hope your experience with telling your mother is just as good. Polly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 16, 2001 Report Share Posted October 16, 2001 In a message dated 10/16/01 2:36:27 AM, duodenalswitch writes: << 2) Communicate, communicate, communicate. >> Amy: This is so true but I would also add: Communication is a TWO WAY STREET. If your partner is NOT interested in communicating, then all the communication in the world and love won't make things better! In fact, I've discovered that there are people out there (my husband being one of them) who do NOT like to communicate -- it is extremely uncomfortable for them and they would rather have things unsaid, unclear and swept under the rug. At least then there's a modicum of propriety and normality whereas communication involves being honest, listening, compromise and adjustment. It is extremely dynamic (as relationship should be). Some people are just too afraid to move ahead and would prefer to have things stay stagnant and the same. So, communicate -- but if it isn't being reciprocated, then this is a serious red flag! all the best, lap ds with gallbladder removal January 25, 2001 Dr. Gagner/Mt. Sinai/NYC almost 9 months post-op and still feelin' fabu! preop: 307 lbs/bmi 45 now: 213 lbs ???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 16, 2001 Report Share Posted October 16, 2001 , I agree completely! We certainly can't force a non-communicator to communicate, but, the non-communicator can't force us to stick around either. I know I'm way too old to play games in relationships, and to me, an inability to discuss issues in a civil manner is unacceptable to me. As I move forward and begin new relationships with my shell removed...I'll be paying close attention to communication! Amy > Amy: This is so true but I would also add: Communication is a TWO WAY > STREET. If your partner is NOT interested in communicating, then all the > communication in the world and love won't make things better! > > In fact, I've discovered that there are people out there (my husband being > one of them) who do NOT like to communicate -- it is extremely uncomfortable > for them and they would rather have things unsaid, unclear and swept under > the rug. At least then there's a modicum of propriety and normality whereas > communication involves being honest, listening, compromise and adjustment. > It is extremely dynamic (as relationship should be). Some people are just > too afraid to move ahead and would prefer to have things stay stagnant and > the same. > > So, communicate -- but if it isn't being reciprocated, then this is a serious > red flag! > > all the best, > > lap ds with gallbladder removal > January 25, 2001 > Dr. Gagner/Mt. Sinai/NYC > > almost 9 months post-op and still feelin' fabu! > > preop: 307 lbs/bmi 45 > now: 213 lbs ???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 16, 2001 Report Share Posted October 16, 2001 > , > > I agree completely! > > We certainly can't force a non-communicator to communicate, but, the > non-communicator can't force us to stick around either. I know I'm > way too old to play games in relationships, and to me, an inability > to discuss issues in a civil manner is unacceptable to me. > > As I move forward and begin new relationships with my shell > removed...I'll be paying close attention to communication! > > > Amy > Being Mo all my life and learning that fat girls don't get boyfriends, I ended up married to the one and only relationship I ever had. At 38, I found myself single and the heaviest weight I had ever been, and driving down the road with every thing I owned in the back of my van. In the three years since I have been on my own I have found the courage to know I can make my dreams come true, the patients to see my goals fulfilled, and the strength to overcome obstacles. I am 30-40 pounds from goal, I own my own cute little home (which I am building on a master bedroom and bathroom suite) and I have a wonderful job. There is only one mountain left to climb, one ocean left to cross and that is intimacy, all I can say is WHAT ARE YOU NUTS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 16, 2001 Report Share Posted October 16, 2001 Nuts about what? Seems like a pretty healthy topic thread to me... > > , > > > > I agree completely! > > > > We certainly can't force a non-communicator to communicate, but, the > > non-communicator can't force us to stick around either. I know I'm > > way too old to play games in relationships, and to me, an inability > > to discuss issues in a civil manner is unacceptable to me. > > > > As I move forward and begin new relationships with my shell > > removed...I'll be paying close attention to communication! > > > > > > Amy > > > Being Mo all my life and learning that fat girls don't get boyfriends, > I ended up married to the one and only relationship I ever had. At 38, > I found myself single and the heaviest weight I had ever been, and > driving down the road with every thing I owned in the back of my van. > In the three years since I have been on my own I have found the courage > to know I can make my dreams come true, the patients to see my goals > fulfilled, and the strength to overcome obstacles. > > I am 30-40 pounds from goal, I own my own cute little home (which I am > building on a master bedroom and bathroom suite) and I have a wonderful > job. There is only one mountain left to climb, one ocean left to cross > and that is intimacy, all I can say is WHAT ARE YOU NUTS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 16, 2001 Report Share Posted October 16, 2001 I had the same experience! When I finally worked up the nerve to tell her, My negative, hypercritical mom thought it was a great idea! Of course now she keeps saying I should just control myself, but she hasn't tried to talk me out of it. When she said I should diet until surgery, I laughed and said everyone always eats everything in sight until the big day-- " Can't you understand that? " She had no response to that! Laughing at their silly notions seems to work pretty well! Chris > In a message dated 10/16/01 2:36:21 AM Eastern Daylight Time, > duodenalswitch@y... writes: > > > > > You ever want to passively avoid (i.e., ignore) something and > > > then get the feeling that the gods aren't going to let you? > > > Well...here I am debating to myself what and when to tell Mom > > > and lo and behold I get a call today and it's " I'll be out there > > next > > > > , > I am Polly(42) pre-op 338 lbs. and I have been overweight all my life. The > problems I have had with my Mother about diets goes back at least 30 years. I > didn't want to tell her about the surgery as she always was so negative about > all my failed attempts. I researched the surgeries, decided on the DS, then I > told her. I was ready with information for her attack yet she was different. > She said she will not worry about the surgery anymore then she worries about > my weight. I was relieved to hear this. i hope your experience with telling > your mother is just as good. Polly > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 16, 2001 Report Share Posted October 16, 2001 I'd like to know too. It seemed to me you were on the same wavelength! Chris > > > , > > > > > > I agree completely! > > > > > > We certainly can't force a non-communicator to communicate, but, > the > > > non-communicator can't force us to stick around either. I know > I'm > > > way too old to play games in relationships, and to me, an > inability > > > to discuss issues in a civil manner is unacceptable to me. > > > > > > As I move forward and begin new relationships with my shell > > > removed...I'll be paying close attention to communication! > > > > > > > > > Amy > > > > > Being Mo all my life and learning that fat girls don't get > boyfriends, > > I ended up married to the one and only relationship I ever had. At > 38, > > I found myself single and the heaviest weight I had ever been, and > > driving down the road with every thing I owned in the back of my > van. > > In the three years since I have been on my own I have found the > courage > > to know I can make my dreams come true, the patients to see my > goals > > fulfilled, and the strength to overcome obstacles. > > > > I am 30-40 pounds from goal, I own my own cute little home (which I > am > > building on a master bedroom and bathroom suite) and I have a > wonderful > > job. There is only one mountain left to climb, one ocean left to > cross > > and that is intimacy, all I can say is WHAT ARE YOU NUTS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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