Strange experience tonight

October 31, 2001

I took my kids out on Halloween in our neighborhood. The people here

are very social, but I haven't really seen too many people since my

surgery. I also didn't let anyone know what kind of surgery I had.

Well tonight every house I went to the people kept going on and on

about my weight loss and how good I look, etc. A few asked me if I

were OK and almost everyone asked how I did it. All I said was that

I drastically cut down on what I eat and I exercise. That is the

truth and I really didn't want to explain about surgery. I feel kind

of guilty because everyone thinks I actually lost the weight by

conventional dieting. One of my neighbors whose driveway is right

next to ours said I have been an inspiration for her and she joined

Weight Watchers. None of these people are heavy enough for surgery

so I don't know if they would understand. I also don't want to be

the topic of gossip, but I guess I already am.

The most troubling part of all of this is that I still feel like I

look the same as I did prior to surgery. My mind still hasn't

accepted the major difference in the way I look. I saw my PCP 2 days

ago for a sinus infection and he didn't even recognize me at first.

I still feel so self contious about the way I look. I feel like

people are staring at me when I eat because I shouldn't be eating

this or that. You know those stares MO people get when they eat in

public? I know in my brain that no one is thinking that about me

now, but I still have that uneasy feeling. Does any of this make

sense? Do others here have the same problem of thinking they are

still MO when they have lost a lot of weight?

Kathy M.

DS 7/19/01

pre-op 213

today ~153

60 lbs. gone forever

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