Re: Fibbing about how we lose weight

November 2, 2001

I am of the age now where I really don't care what people think about

decisions I make. However, in addition, I am of the age where I don't want

the *hear* what they think about decisions I make, either! Well, maybe I

never did really care or want to hear their opinions, no matter what age!

I do not think my having wls is anyone's business, but mine, my surgeons, my

insurance company, and a few close friends and close family. Anyway, even

those I have told, seems to me, are still not convinced that this is

necessary and, I think, still see this as cosmetic surgery. My Mom didn't

even understand how important and lucky I was to get approval from the

insurance company, even though I have told her about others who had to go to

Spain to get the surgery. So, if she thinks it is not necessary, I am sure

many others would think the same.

I am not planning on telling anyone at work before surgery, Maybe after.

But that is a BIG Maybe. I just don't want to defend myself or argue with

them or have them try to make me feel *guilty* for taking time off to do this.

Carole

November 3, 2001

I must be really fortunate, because I have had only positive and

admiring reactions to my WLS disclosure when I have made it. Granted, I

don't go around telling everyone unsolicited. But when the opportunity

presents itself, I tell -- and usually end up giving the " How DS is

different " lecture, and making sure to emphasize how normally I eat and

live with my DS.

M.

---

in Valrico, FL, age 39

Lap DGB/DS by Dr. Rabkin 10-19-99

http://www.duodenalswitch.com/Patients/M/melaniem.html

Direct replies: mailto:melanie@...

_________________________________________________________

November 3, 2001

I'll second that one, . I have only gotten one weird response

out of all the peeps I have told so far. Most are SO excited for me

cause I am finally going to live a normal life. They could care less

how I am getting there, so long as I am happy, healthy and safe, that

is all that matters to them.

I have yet to run up to someone who is MO and tell them about the

surgery. I am not sure how they would take it as I am POSITIVE I

would not have appreciated someone doing that to me. It took a long

time to come to the realization that yes indeedy, I am/was huge.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever imagined weighing 304

pounds. So go figure.

I will say that my heart breaks for the many people who are MO and if

they were to ask, I would tell them in a heartbeat. I always have

paper and a pen on me to write down your website . It was due

to explination of the procedure and the stories there that caused me

to see the error of the RnY. For your dedication, , I will

always be thankful and forever greatful. And with the information

being given out by many, I am certain it will help so many more.

Cheers!

Liz N.

November 3, 2001

I'll be honest with all of you. I haven't told anyone besides family

and very dear friends. It's not because of them it's me..I have to

admit to being so embarrassed that I was so big and so " out of

control " (in their minds and some in mind) that I had to have

someone cut me open to stop me from getting control of my

eating...that is what it comes down to in my brain. I know and I

know you all know that is not the " complete " situation, but in a

way it is...to me it's just really a character flaw(in my mind). I

never used to be so critical of myself, but now I am. I do not feel

that way of others I see who are MO. It's just the tape I play for

myself. I am very, very glad that there was someone who would

do this and am ever so grateful for having the guts to go through

with it, but it may take a while for me to totally feel comfortable

with my " new " self and forgiving my " old " self.....So in the mean

time NO one else knows in my life, but I have a funny feeling they

are wondering how the hell did she lose 125 pounds in less

than a year!!! To that I have to dodge questions and lie and say I

just eat less and exercise and that feels totally wrong to me..so I

hope eventually I will have the self acceptance, self respect and

the " ovaries " to just tell people and be totally proud of myself...

Live fully each day!

Peace and love,

Brigid

lap ds /Rabkin

11/14/2000

274 size 26/28

150 size 8/10 (wow!)

November 3, 2001

Brigid, I really appreciate your honesty. No matter how

intelligent and rational we are, there are feelings that

many of us simply can't deny and shame is one of them.

Whether it ever goes away completely or not shouldn't be the

litmus test of success, if we are able to live a long

healthy life we're doing ok in my book. We each have our own

reasons for telling or not. Shame is one of them for many

people. That we should feel ashamed has been crammed down

our throats and it's hard to change a decades-long behavior

pattern over night.

so I

> hope eventually I will have the self acceptance, self

respect and

> the " ovaries " to just tell people and be totally proud of

myself...

lol!!!! But you can still be proud of yourself without

telling. I guess we each meet these annoying little

challenges in our own way. I just hope we all remember that

we've expressed the ultimate in self acceptance when we

decided to have this surgery. Be very proud of that!

Jean.

November 3, 2001

Brigid,

I think you captured how I feel. The worst part of it, is that the

few I have told have tried to convince me that I am not FAT enough to

have this surgery. Granted, I have 110 pounds to lose, and I, like

most of us, carry a lot of weight pretty well. I try to explain to

them what it feels like to have your body betray you, not be able to

walk, to have high blood pressure and cholesterol, borderline sugar

sensitivity....and their comment? Just try to cut back on what you

eat! Sighs.

Theresa

>

> I'll be honest with all of you. I haven't told anyone besides

family

> and very dear friends. It's not because of them it's me..I have to

> admit to being so embarrassed that I was so big and so " out of

> control " (in their minds and some in mind) that I had to have

> someone cut me open to stop me from getting control of my

> eating...that is what it comes down to in my brain. I know and I

> know you all know that is not the " complete " situation, but in a

> way it is...to me it's just really a character flaw(in my mind). I

> never used to be so critical of myself, but now I am. I do not

feel

> that way of others I see who are MO. It's just the tape I play for

> myself. I am very, very glad that there was someone who would

> do this and am ever so grateful for having the guts to go through

> with it, but it may take a while for me to totally feel comfortable

> with my " new " self and forgiving my " old " self.....So in the mean

> time NO one else knows in my life, but I have a funny feeling they

> are wondering how the hell did she lose 125 pounds in less

> than a year!!! To that I have to dodge questions and lie and say I

> just eat less and exercise and that feels totally wrong to me..so I

> hope eventually I will have the self acceptance, self respect and

> the " ovaries " to just tell people and be totally proud of myself...

>

> Live fully each day!

>

> Peace and love,

>

> Brigid

> lap ds /Rabkin

> 11/14/2000

> 274 size 26/28

> 150 size 8/10 (wow!)

November 3, 2001

Hi Brigid -

WOW! 125 lbs in less than a year, that is AMAZING!!! I hope you get

around to forgiving your old self because what you did took amazing

courage and strength, and anyone who doubts that should try walking in

around in our MO bodies for just 1 day. I doubt they could handle the

pain, both physical and mental.

When I first started researching WLS, I was embarassed and ashamed,

something that I didn't really understand. That was at the beginning

of this year. I cried each time I read a post from someone that

echoed my own feelings. Before I started on this journey I felt

isolated and lonely. My ongoing weight increase and all of it's

associated problems was not something that I could discuss with

anyone, not even with my husband and I agonized for weeks over how I

was going to approach this subject with him. I even considered doing

the surgery on the sly and just telling everyone that I was dieting!

Since deciding to go through with this, I've started being more open

with my family about how crappy I've been feeling and how long I've

been feeling that way. They had no idea...can you imagine? We went

on a whirlwind vacation that included Disneyland/Legoland & Las Vegas

and while everyone was tired, I was beyond that - well into the realm

of unbelievable pain each night. I finally had to put my pride aside

and tell my husband that HE should try carrying around 150 extra

pounds and spending all day walking around in 85degree heat....

As I've gone on, I've come to realize that most people like me because

I'm me, and are happy to know that I'm doing something to take charge

of my life. I've told my close friends and family and started to let

people I work with know. I've also told them that it's okay to share

that info with others who might ask. I probably just won't feel like

discussing it in detail over and over again. I've been very lucky

that everyone's been supportive and and are interested in to know

knowing more. In fact, after explaining the surgery to them, they've

asked if they could have their friends and other family members (mo I

assume!) speak with me about the procedure. What I've found is that

the more people I tell, the less shy I feel about the whole thing and

if knowing what I'm doing helps someone else along the way, then it's

worth my embarassment.

Regards,

Dr. K 11/8

BMI 52

> >

> > I'll be honest with all of you. I haven't told anyone besides

> family

> > and very dear friends. It's not because of them it's me..I have

to

> > admit to being so embarrassed that I was so big and so " out of

> > control " (in their minds and some in mind) that I had to have

> > someone cut me open to stop me from getting control of my

> > eating...that is what it comes down to in my brain. I know and I

> > know you all know that is not the " complete " situation, but in a

> > way it is...to me it's just really a character flaw(in my mind). I

> > never used to be so critical of myself, but now I am. I do not

> feel

> > that way of others I see who are MO. It's just the tape I play for

> > myself. I am very, very glad that there was someone who would

> > do this and am ever so grateful for having the guts to go through

> > with it, but it may take a while for me to totally feel

comfortable

> > with my " new " self and forgiving my " old " self.....So in the mean

> > time NO one else knows in my life, but I have a funny feeling they

> > are wondering how the hell did she lose 125 pounds in less

> > than a year!!! To that I have to dodge questions and lie and say I

> > just eat less and exercise and that feels totally wrong to me..so

I

> > hope eventually I will have the self acceptance, self respect and

> > the " ovaries " to just tell people and be totally proud of

myself...

> >

> > Live fully each day!

> >

> > Peace and love,

> >

> > Brigid

> > lap ds /Rabkin

> > 11/14/2000

> > 274 size 26/28

> > 150 size 8/10 (wow!)

November 3, 2001

Brigid,

Thanks for the honest post. I find it amazing that I am much more forgiving of

others than myself. When I see someone who is MO I say that person is suffering

from a disease when I see myself I say " why did you let yourself get to this

point " I hope that someday I can look in the mirror and not see a weak person

with no self control.

*hugs*

Lisbeth

mbw92075@... wrote: