Re: Isolating infant from friends & family while banded

[Guest guest]

Honestly, if you think that your 'friends and family' will judge your child that way, I think your biggest problem is your friends and family and not the band. If they can't be supportive and they are not interested in teaching their children to be respectful of the differences of others, then that's their problem and not yours and personally, I would look for some new friends. Our daughter has been in her band for 10 weeks and she has one week to go. Yes, she get stared at.. whispered about.. even blatantly GAWKED at. Mainly by ADULTS who should know better, but weren't taught as children to mind their own business. Children look because it's something that they have never seen before and they are naturally curious. Most even come right up to me and say, 'why does she have that on her head?'... but with an upbeat tone, I just respond.. 'Well, her head is flat like a PANCAKE.. so this will make her head nice and round, like a BALL.. kind of like yours! Isn't that silly? We like to call it a crown, because she loves princesses!'.. and they giggle and move along and it's a non-issue. My older daughter has asked many people with physical differences the same kind of forward questions, 'why don't you have any legs?' or 'why are you in that chair?' and people are more than happy to explain to her why ('I was born that way' or 'this chair helps me get around because sometimes my legs really hurt!') and typically thank ME for teaching HER that it's much better to ask than to just sit back and stare and whisper about someone, which is HURTFUL. Ultimately, it's your decision.. but I never thought to hide my child while she was doing her treatment. If my friends and family had something unsupportive to say or allowed their children to mock my child, I would cease those relationships until those individuals decided to act like mature adults. Just my two cents.

 

Kim

On Thu, Jul 16, 2009 at 1:46 AM, <clipperdatabase@...> wrote:

 

we haven't really told any of our friends and family that we're planning on having our 6 mth old wear a helmet for the next 4 mths.We'll take the kid outdoors, but we're thinking about not mentioning anything to F & F about the Band. Not b/c we're ashamed (if anything I'm pissed off that no one mentioned plagio when they insisted on the sleep to back thing).

No, we're worried that the kids of our F & F's may tease our kid about misshapen head issues later. Hopefully after it's been corrected, no one will even notice it. But a helmet could leave an indelible mark w/ F & F and they'll probably mention it to their kids in passing.

Do any parents have any experience with this?

[Guest guest]

I didn't tell friends that wouldn't see her other than my immediate family -

meaning out of town, and I didn't post picture of her in her band. Mostly

because I didn't want to explain it. However, we still saw all the same people

we normally do, and travelled to see my parents cross country while she was in

the band.

I really don't think she'll be teased about it later. They are really just cute

babies at this age, with or without a helmet. I have a very sarcastic (bordering

on mean) family and no one has ever said anything about it that was teasing or

unkind. In my mind the band is a way to prevent teasing later (when it would be

more obvious if her head were misshapen).

-christine

sydney, 3.5 yrs, starband grad

>

> >

> >

> > we haven't really told any of our friends and family that we're planning on

> > having our 6 mth old wear a helmet for the next 4 mths.

> >

> > We'll take the kid outdoors, but we're thinking about not mentioning

> > anything to F & F about the Band. Not b/c we're ashamed (if anything I'm

> > pissed off that no one mentioned plagio when they insisted on the sleep to

> > back thing).

> >

> > No, we're worried that the kids of our F & F's may tease our kid about

> > misshapen head issues later. Hopefully after it's been corrected, no one

> > will even notice it. But a helmet could leave an indelible mark w/ F & F and

> > they'll probably mention it to their kids in passing.

> >

> > Do any parents have any experience with this?

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I find most kids to be curious, not mean, especially when it comes to infants.

In fact, my wife was at the park with our son a couple days ago and a group of

4-6 year olds kept commenting on our son. Our son has been wearing a Hanger

orthotic for over a week now for plagiocephaly. The kids kept saying how cute

his helmet was. Some kids do stare, but that's normal, it's just their

curiosity. Oftentimes, I will just stare back or walk up to them and introduce

my son.

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > we haven't really told any of our friends and family that we're planning

on

> > > having our 6 mth old wear a helmet for the next 4 mths.

> > >

> > > We'll take the kid outdoors, but we're thinking about not mentioning

> > > anything to F & F about the Band. Not b/c we're ashamed (if anything I'm

> > > pissed off that no one mentioned plagio when they insisted on the sleep to

> > > back thing).

> > >

> > > No, we're worried that the kids of our F & F's may tease our kid about

> > > misshapen head issues later. Hopefully after it's been corrected, no one

> > > will even notice it. But a helmet could leave an indelible mark w/ F & F

and

> > > they'll probably mention it to their kids in passing.

> > >

> > > Do any parents have any experience with this?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I completely agree with Kim. If your friends and family will be that cruel to

your child, I don't think I'd want to be around them ever.

We didn't cease contact when my daughter was banded. We went to birthday

parties and daycare and visited family and it was no big deal. Now that she's

out of the band, no one brings it up. Even my 4 & 11 year old nieces who say

anything on their minds!

Really the banding process is such a short time in your child's life. When

you're in the middle of it, it's very all-consuming. But once it's done, it

becomes a distant memory. People will forget and when they are around your

child after, I bet no one will even mention the band.

>

> >

> >

> > we haven't really told any of our friends and family that we're planning on

> > having our 6 mth old wear a helmet for the next 4 mths.

> >

> > We'll take the kid outdoors, but we're thinking about not mentioning

> > anything to F & F about the Band. Not b/c we're ashamed (if anything I'm

> > pissed off that no one mentioned plagio when they insisted on the sleep to

> > back thing).

> >

> > No, we're worried that the kids of our F & F's may tease our kid about

> > misshapen head issues later. Hopefully after it's been corrected, no one

> > will even notice it. But a helmet could leave an indelible mark w/ F & F and

> > they'll probably mention it to their kids in passing.

> >

> > Do any parents have any experience with this?

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Honestly, my kids and nieces and nephews think the helmet is so cool and cute that your concern actually blows my mind===no, they won't tease him later. I think you ought to not worry about something like that, and just move on as planned, just with a helmet.

Betsy

From: <clipperdatabase@...>Subject: Isolating infant from friends & family while bandedPlagiocephaly Date: Thursday, July 16, 2009, 1:46 AM

we haven't really told any of our friends and family that we're planning on having our 6 mth old wear a helmet for the next 4 mths.We'll take the kid outdoors, but we're thinking about not mentioning anything to F & F about the Band. Not b/c we're ashamed (if anything I'm pissed off that no one mentioned plagio when they insisted on the sleep to back thing). No, we're worried that the kids of our F & F's may tease our kid about misshapen head issues later. Hopefully after it's been corrected, no one will even notice it. But a helmet could leave an indelible mark w/ F & F and they'll probably mention it to their kids in passing. Do any parents have any experience with this?

[Guest guest]

One life lesson that I have learned in recent years is that if you treat something like it's no big deal, most other people will as well. I'm willing to bet that most of the kids won't think much of it. The adults might, but you can just act like it's no big deal and after a little bit of experience being around the baby, they will probably forget that it's even on as well.

Remember that people will be curious. It's only natural. Just mention it in passing. "Oh, didn't I tell you that we were getting him a helmet. He's got a flat spot and the helmet will correct this. It's really quite light and he doesn't seem to mind wearing it at all. It'll only be for a few months. Don't you think it's cute?"

I didn't "officially" tell my family, but they live on the other side of the country. I did mention it in passing on a few occasions and sent them pictures of her in it. I also sent progress pics and my F and F commented on how quickly they were seeing improvement. Then, they asked some questions and I answered. The cousins never saw her in person while she wore it, although they probably did in the pictures I sent. They range in age from 7 months to 7 years and I trust the my sisters were able to adequately explain the reason for the helmet. When we were in California this summer after 's graduation, no one even mentioned her helmet or her head. When I said something about a little flat spot left, my sister told me that her head looked good to her. The cousins didn't say a word or look at her funny or anything. I really don't think that it's something that the kids thought of as something to tease about. If it's no big deal, then there's nothing to tease about.

If you did tell F and F, this will give the adults a chance to teach the kids about differences. I believe that the more exposure our kids get to differences, the better adults they will be. My little neice is almost 4 years old and is showing significant signs of Autism and has significant developmental delays. My kids did look at her funny while we were in California, but they seemed to understand that the rules and expectations were different for her because she can't talk and is a lot like a baby. kept referring to her as "baby." We are thinking that we will have to have the discussion with our kids about her differences before too long. The explanation of a helmet will be much easier than this one.

was older, but she loved her helmet and was so proud of wearing it. She loved to show other people, "'s helmet" when she saw others with bike helmets, etc. Most of the comments were along the lines of "Your helmet is very pretty. What do you have on there?"

Obviously, the decision is up to you, but I worry a little bit about the kind of message you are giving to others and the baby if you do this. You say that you're not ashamed, but I'm afraid that being ashamed may be what would be communicated through this action. You may find that you feel differently once you get the helmet.

, mom to , 22.5 months

STARband from 14.5 to 20.5 months plus CST

also mom to Aidan, 3 years

land

Isolating infant from friends & family while banded

we haven't really told any of our friends and family that we're planning on having our 6 mth old wear a helmet for the next 4 mths.We'll take the kid outdoors, but we're thinking about not mentioning anything to F & F about the Band. Not b/c we're ashamed (if anything I'm pissed off that no one mentioned plagio when they insisted on the sleep to back thing). No, we're worried that the kids of our F & F's may tease our kid about misshapen head issues later. Hopefully after it's been corrected, no one will even notice it. But a helmet could leave an indelible mark w/ F & F and they'll probably mention it to their kids in passing. Do any parents have any experience with this?

[Guest guest]

Also, in addition to the good-natured curiousity of F & F, you'll be surprised to learn how many people already know about helmet therapy or have seen other children in helmets. And if you have F & F that are expecting or have young children, it'll give them a chance to have a heads up on the info. Something many of us plagio-parents never had when our babies were young.From: "melanie.watson@..."

<melanie.watson@...>Plagiocephaly Sent: Thursday, July 16, 2009 1:32:31 PMSubject: Re: Isolating infant from friends & family while banded

One life lesson that I have learned in recent years is that if you treat something like it's no big deal, most other people will as well. I'm willing to bet that most of the kids won't think much of it. The adults might, but you can just act like it's no big deal and after a little bit of experience being around the baby, they will probably forget that it's even on as well.

Remember that people will be curious. It's only natural. Just mention it in passing. "Oh, didn't I tell you that we were getting him a helmet. He's got a flat spot and the helmet will correct this. It's really quite light and he doesn't seem to mind wearing it at all. It'll only be for a few months. Don't you think it's cute?"

I didn't "officially" tell my family, but they live on the other side of the country. I did mention it in passing on a few occasions and sent them pictures of her in it. I also sent progress pics and my F and F commented on how quickly they were seeing improvement. Then, they asked some questions and I answered. The cousins never saw her in person while she wore it, although they probably did in the pictures I sent. They range in age from 7 months to 7 years and I trust the my sisters were able to adequately explain the reason for the helmet. When we were in California this summer after 's graduation, no one even mentioned her helmet or her head. When I said something about a little flat spot left, my sister told me that her head looked good to her. The cousins didn't say a word or look at her funny or anything. I really don't think that it's something that the kids thought of as something to tease about. If it's no big deal, then there's

nothing to tease about.

If you did tell F and F, this will give the adults a chance to teach the kids about differences. I believe that the more exposure our kids get to differences, the better adults they will be. My little neice is almost 4 years old and is showing significant signs of Autism and has significant developmental delays. My kids did look at her funny while we were in California, but they seemed to understand that the rules and expectations were different for her because she can't talk and is a lot like a baby. kept referring to her as "baby." We are thinking that we will have to have the discussion with our kids about her differences before too long. The explanation of a helmet will be much easier than this one.

was older, but she loved her helmet and was so proud of wearing it. She loved to show other people, "'s helmet" when she saw others with bike helmets, etc. Most of the comments were along the lines of "Your helmet is very pretty. What do you have on there?"

Obviously, the decision is up to you, but I worry a little bit about the kind of message you are giving to others and the baby if you do this. You say that you're not ashamed, but I'm afraid that being ashamed may be what would be communicated through this action. You may find that you feel differently once you get the helmet.

, mom to , 22.5 months

STARband from 14.5 to 20.5 months plus CST

also mom to Aidan, 3 years

land

Isolating infant from friends & family while banded

we haven't really told any of our friends and family that we're planning on having our 6 mth old wear a helmet for the next 4 mths.We'll take the kid outdoors, but we're thinking about not mentioning anything to F & F about the Band. Not b/c we're ashamed (if anything I'm pissed off that no one mentioned plagio when they insisted on the sleep to back thing). No, we're worried that the kids of our F & F's may tease our kid about misshapen head issues later. Hopefully after it's been corrected, no one will even notice it. But a helmet could leave an indelible mark w/ F & F and they'll probably mention it to their kids in passing. Do any parents have any experience with this?

[Guest guest]

Thank you everyone for your input. This message board is an invaluable form of

information on plagio and banding.

To clarify, my wife and I aren't worried about our F & F themselves. They'd be

supportive and understanding. We just didn't want our daughter teased about it

later in life. But I guess 4 months really is a short period of time, and it's

really no different than wearing a cast for a broken foot.

>

> Also, in addition to the good-natured curiousity of F & F, you'll be surprised

to learn how many people already know about helmet therapy or have seen other

children in helmets. And if you have F & F that are expecting or have young

children, it'll give them a chance to have a heads up on the info. Something

many of us plagio-parents never had when our babies were young.

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: " melanie.watson@... " <melanie.watson@...>

> Plagiocephaly

> Sent: Thursday, July 16, 2009 1:32:31 PM

> Subject: Re: Isolating infant from friends & family while banded

>

>

> One life lesson that I have learned in recent years is that if you treat

something like it's no big deal, most other people will as well. I'm willing to

bet that most of the kids won't think much of it. The adults might, but you can

just act like it's no big deal and after a little bit of experience being around

the baby, they will probably forget that it's even on as well.

>

> Remember that people will be curious. It's only natural. Just mention it in

passing. " Oh, didn't I tell you that we were getting him a helmet. He's got a

flat spot and the helmet will correct this. It's really quite light and he

doesn't seem to mind wearing it at all. It'll only be for a few months. Don't

you think it's cute? "

>

> I didn't " officially " tell my family, but they live on the other side of the

country. I did mention it in passing on a few occasions and sent them pictures

of her in it. I also sent progress pics and my F and F commented on how quickly

they were seeing improvement. Then, they asked some questions and I answered.

The cousins never saw her in person while she wore it, although they probably

did in the pictures I sent. They range in age from 7 months to 7 years and I

trust the my sisters were able to adequately explain the reason for the helmet.

When we were in California this summer after 's graduation, no one even

mentioned her helmet or her head. When I said something about a little flat spot

left, my sister told me that her head looked good to her. The cousins didn't say

a word or look at her funny or anything. I really don't think that it's

something that the kids thought of as something to tease about. If it's no big

deal, then there's nothing

> to tease about.

>

> If you did tell F and F, this will give the adults a chance to teach the kids

about differences. I believe that the more exposure our kids get to differences,

the better adults they will be. My little neice is almost 4 years old and is

showing significant signs of Autism and has significant developmental delays. My

kids did look at her funny while we were in California, but they seemed to

understand that the rules and expectations were different for her because she

can't talk and is a lot like a baby. kept referring to her as " baby. " We

are thinking that we will have to have the discussion with our kids about her

differences before too long. The explanation of a helmet will be much easier

than this one.

>

> was older, but she loved her helmet and was so proud of wearing it.

She loved to show other people, " 's helmet " when she saw others with bike

helmets, etc. Most of the comments were along the lines of " Your helmet is very

pretty. What do you have on there? "

>

> Obviously, the decision is up to you, but I worry a little bit about the kind

of message you are giving to others and the baby if you do this. You say that

you're not ashamed, but I'm afraid that being ashamed may be what would be

communicated through this action. You may find that you feel differently once

you get the helmet.

>

> , mom to , 22.5 months

> STARband from 14.5 to 20.5 months plus CST

> also mom to Aidan, 3 years

> land

>

>

>

> Isolating infant from friends & family while banded

>

>

> we haven't really told any of our friends and family that we're planning on

having our 6 mth old wear a helmet for the next 4 mths.

>

> We'll take the kid outdoors, but we're thinking about not mentioning anything

to F & F about the Band. Not b/c we're ashamed (if anything I'm pissed off that

no one mentioned plagio when they insisted on the sleep to back thing).

>

> No, we're worried that the kids of our F & F's may tease our kid about

misshapen head issues later. Hopefully after it's been corrected, no one will

even notice it. But a helmet could leave an indelible mark w/ F & F and they'll

probably mention it to their kids in passing.

>

> Do any parents have any experience with this?

>

[Guest guest]

My DD ended up only needing to wear her helmet for 7 weeks total, even though we

were told she would wear it longer. So your child may not even wear it that

long. We never had family and friends mention anything about the helmet since.

My cousin's baby even wore one and no one brings it up. I don't think anyone

will make fun of your child and if they do I don't think I would consider them a

friend.

So expect the best out of your friends and family and let them be a great

support group for you!! Really the helmet is not a big deal after you do it. I

would do it again in a heart beat if any of my other children needed one but it

was a very hard decison to ban our daughter the first time. I cried and

struggled with it. Family told me they did't think she looked that bad but

really I am so happy we did it!

Good Luck!

Alison M

(Caroline Hanger grad 2007)