how do you fight the I'm not worth it

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

I have been reading and reading and studying and studying. I really like

and want what I have heard with the DS results from surgery. I am NOT

scared of stinky farts or poops. I have lived with them for a long time.

What I am scared of is my attitude. Recently, I have been having I am not

worth it to have this surgery. After all my BMI is only 40-41 and I should

still be able to ( bite the bullet, pull myself up with my bootstraps, etc)

and loose the weight. I am just a terrible person that eats too much

sugar. Drinks too much coke. etc. Granted I usually only eat one meal a

day but. . . . .

Well, what I am trying to say is that I could easily get the RNY and that

makes me mad. I don't know if I can hold out for the DS. When you think

about it 40 or so surgeons doing the DS in a country as large as ours is

amazingly small. It does hurt that we loose possible surgeons like

and Ren. We need more surgeons committed to giving us a chance

at a normal life, not perpetuating the helpless, worthless life we already

feel we have.

Yes, if I get a surgeon to do the DS on me and it turns out well for me

that Surgeon will rank right up there in my belief structure of saving my

life with my Lord. I am praying daily to get a finger on this whole

situation and a foot in the door.

But still, every morning I wake up and have to first fight the battle that

I am worth even trying to get this surgery. I guess I could just keep

going on and letting the co-morbidities get worse and my weight gain get

worse so I would more easily qualify. I am already in such pain that I

don't want to go on. Here I am complaining at a measly 100-110 pounds

overweight. Gosh, aren't you guys glad that I am not more overweight.

What would I sound like.

Conversely, is it all my fault cuz I don't exercise enough, stretch enough,

stay active, etc.

Yes, I believe, I have totally failed at taking care of this body. Do I

deserve a second chance that is offering me a chance at a " normal " life?

OR do I only deserve the chance to loose weight at a cost so big that I

would spend the rest of my life eating thimble fulls of food and vomiting

etc. (RNY)

Can you tell what mood I am in today. Of course, the body is still killing

me from moving my stuff from one apartment to another and being taken

advantage of by the movers cuz gosh darn it I am just too nice of a person.

Just cross me one too many times and you might just see my mean side. It

only comes out once in awhile.

i

BTW How do surgeons when you don't live in their state justify you having

to pay for the patient follow up care that involves monthly meetings etc.

I wish they offered a program geared to the out of state client at a

reduced cost.