Guest guest Posted October 11, 2001 Report Share Posted October 11, 2001 > >For 10 years I just stopped dieting. Long before it was fashionable to do >so. I just decided to learn to accept myself for who I was, to love myself >as I was and to just get on with living. It was a little over 10 years ago that I made the same decision to not diet. Every diet I had ever been on of course resulted in a higher weight after the bounce back. I lost all hope. I also just didn't want to gain more and more weight at a rapid speed. So, I quit dieting. During this time I finally learned a little about true hunger, eating was ok, I didn't have to hide. But, to tell the truth. I never could quite get to where I loved myself. I did stop gaining as much weight. I believe only putting on about 8 lbs a year or so. Then I kind of peaked out at about 245. So, that part sort of worked for me. But every time I looked in the mirror I couldn't get past the screaming voice about how ugly I am. I was raised in a family where strong people are really admired. Surgeons, consultants, stock brokers, etc are all accepted careers. Well, I am an artist. Ok for a hobby but not for a job. I have been the only one obese in my entire family in the last 2-3 generations. You can imagine the criticism that I have heard since I was a child. Also, since I am not extremely competitive, I would say to my father I wish I could play tennis like my sister or do something my bro was doing. He would say to me, Honey it's ok, you are our prettiest daughter. Well, not only did I have nothing to do with that (lucky genes) I sure sabotaged that. I admire you that you could get to a place to really accept yourself. I have done fairly well at it. The biggest hope I have in wls is to find less pain and more energy. Yes, I will enjoy looking in the mirror again I hope. I still have a twiggy desire that I need to get rid of but she is almost gone. I want to be able to do the work of my choice which is physical. I think I do accept fat more readily but I still find my mind shouts at me when I see another fat person. A comparison and a lack of respect. So if I still think that of others I am still really criticizing myself. I would love to have this major pressure relieved in my life. I would like to not feel like an outcast. Yes, I do have some great obese friends but I also find many of them deal with deep depression and so on. So I want the chance to not be discriminated towards and to be with people that don't think food first. I am hoping here. i Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2001 Report Share Posted October 11, 2001 At 2:02 AM -0700 10/11/01, Hawkins wrote: >... When I brought up WLS, I got >practically attacked for even thinking about it. " WHat?? " they >exclaimed.. " Botch your body up? Take a perfectly functioning body and >screw around with it?? Love yourselfl!! Don't let them DO that to you!! >YOu're Ok like you are. " " and so on. ... While in principal >I agreed we must love ourselves for who we are, I just couldn't move >anymore...starting to get diabetes, had terrible aching knees, couldnt' run >jump play... >Any thoughts appreciated. Hmmm, Chris. Might there be a disconnect here? Don't mess with a perfectly health body. But, the body can't move without pain, can't jump, is getting diabetic, etc. How perfectly health could it be? Speaking for myself, I managed my fat for years. that is, until I rounded the corner at age 60, and all systems began to go kabloohey. Knees, hips ached. Heart palpitated. Blood pressure rose. Cholesterol, which had been OK, climbed precipitously. I woke up at night gasping for breath. Came close to blacking out after long airplane flights. Couldn't fit into most arm chairs. Tieing my shoes was a major effort that left me winded. " Ding, ding, ding went the trolley... " " A-oooga, a-oooga, a-oooga...DIVE, DIVE, DIVE! " (That's submariners' talk.) " Damn it, do something fast or you're going to die in a few years and be damn uncomfortable until you do, " screamed the voice in my head. I loved myself enough to get my body off the death trajectory and headed back toward health. I'm not quite half-way there yet, but at least I'm headed in the right direction. I CAN tie my shoes now without huffing for minutes afterward. I CAN walk up a flight of stairs and feel OK at the top. I CAN fit into most armchairs. I have stopped or am being weaned off most of my pre-op meds (arrhythmia, cholesterol, hypertension, edema, gastric reflux). I can also poop more oil and churn out more kidney stones than any three of you combined, but, heck, what's a little oil and gravel among friends? () No such thing as a free lunch (and, by the way, when I go to lunch with colleagues, I often wind up sharing a lunch order with one of them, because the servings are way more than I care to even try to eat). YMMV, Steve -- Steve Goldstein, age 61 Lap BPD/DS on May 2, 2001 Dr. Elariny, INOVA Fairfax Hospital, Virginia Starting (05/02/01) BMI = 51 BMI on 10/07 = 40 (-70 lb.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2001 Report Share Posted October 11, 2001 In a message dated 10/11/2001 2:01:45 AM Pacific Daylight Time, netmaker2@... writes: > Now, I will not let NAAFA and followers discourage me, -- I know this is a > lifesaving surgery, but I still feel guilty!! I keep hearing " hey you > should love yourself as you are " and " dont' let anyone mess with a > perfectly good machine. " Now I know intellectually that's pretty much crap > -- my machine ain't workin' too well or I wouldn't be this big... but it's > still hard. I think it's like being a vegetarian and having to eat meat or > something. > > I think its great you were able to just stop and love yourself for yourself. But I don't think you should feel guilty. One thing you said, about you should love yourself as you are is true, but it doesn't say let yourself die when you could do something to increase your life and the quality of your life. I think you do love yourself...thats why you're choosing to help your body function better and easier. I am all for loving ourselves no matter what size, but I don't think anyone should be attacked for trying to improve themselves. Life is short...we have the right to get as much out of it as we can...and we all know how limited that life gets when we're unable to move very well. ~*~ AJ ~*~ Age 37 5'8'' Post op 7/24/01 Open DS self pay - Dr Baltasar -Alcoy Spain 07/24/01 BMI 64 415.1 08/24/01 BMI 58 386.5 -28.6 lbs! 09/24/01 BMI 55.8 367.1 -48.0 lbs! -37.75 inches 10/08/01 BMI 54.3 357.1 -58.0 lbs! -50.0 inches Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2001 Report Share Posted October 11, 2001 Hi Your line " my machine ain't workin' too well or I wouldn't be this big... " is one I have been thinking about in trying to explain this surgery to others. I am having corrective surgery because my body is not functioning properly. I have a terrible reaction to insulin that causes horrific food cravings, leading to weight gain,which in turn leads to diabetes, heart disease, joint disease, etc. Normal people are not this large. I have been watching what I have been eating lately, and I am gaining weight, but not eating all that much. The weight gain is not in proportion to the food consumed. If I was living during the paledonian age (sp?) I would be in great shape probably, as my body was designed to store all this fat for lean times. Since I am not living then, I need to have this design changed so I can live a more normal life in the 21 Century. Thanks for the audience-I am sure you guys are a more receptive audience than the people that tell me to just put the fork down. Pam in PA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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