Re: Fibbing about how we lose weight -- epiphany

[Guest guest]

I think I love you, Steve. (DH says its OK!)

Kathy sen

BMI 58, 352.5 lbs

Surgery scheduled Nov 19th

Dr. Welker

> Enough of you have bared your souls that I'm sort of getting it

now, I think.

>

> Society has taught us to be ashamed of ourselves for allowing

> ourselves to get so ugly, distastefully, abominably FAT! So, if

we

> do anything to call attention to our struggle with our FAT, we just

> stir up that shame, not only with others, but with ourselves, too!.

> Better to sneak off quietly, lose the weight, and then try

to " blend

> in " with the " better " folk. Let's pretend that we never were

really

> FAT. Sort of like: " oh, oh, I got pregnant, and I'm not married,

so

> I'll sneak out of town to have the baby, give it up for adoption,

and

> slip back into town several months later and pretend that nothing

> ever happened. "

>

> That's the sadness that we carry in our souls. It's the

> self-loathing that we try to hide, more from ourselves than for

> others. I most sincerely melt and weep for each of you, my dear

> friends, who have so bought into what society has taught us, that

you

> are thus afflicted. I wish for you that you might find the

> acceptance of yourselves, whether your body happens to be FAT or

> " normal, " so that you never have to think about blending in again.

>

> With great respect and caring,

>

> Steve

> --

[Guest guest]

You got it in a nutshell. Thank you for the kind words!

Lisbeth

Steve Goldstein wrote: Enough of you have bared

your souls that I'm sort of getting it now, I think.

Society has taught us to be ashamed of ourselves for allowing

ourselves to get so ugly, distastefully, abominably FAT! So, if we

do anything to call attention to our struggle with our FAT, we just

stir up that shame, not only with others, but with ourselves, too!.

Better to sneak off quietly, lose the weight, and then try to " blend

in " with the " better " folk. Let's pretend that we never were really

FAT. Sort of like: " oh, oh, I got pregnant, and I'm not married, so

I'll sneak out of town to have the baby, give it up for adoption, and

slip back into town several months later and pretend that nothing

ever happened. "

That's the sadness that we carry in our souls. It's the

self-loathing that we try to hide, more from ourselves than for

others. I most sincerely melt and weep for each of you, my dear

friends, who have so bought into what society has taught us, that you

are thus afflicted. I wish for you that you might find the

acceptance of yourselves, whether your body happens to be FAT or

" normal, " so that you never have to think about blending in again.

With great respect and caring,

Steve

--

----------------------------------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Steve,

I needed a couple of days to really think about what you said and I

agree with you that some people may not want to talk about having WLS

because they don't want to call attention to their stuggle with fat.

But I'd like to speak up for the unfriendly SOB's of the world who

wouldn't talk about having WLS for the same reason they won't take

part in polls or surveys, don't show co-workers pictures of their

family, refuse to answer when asked if they've been saved and don't

want to share any feeling expect how much they hate being asked to

share feelings.

It's probably one of my many character flaws but I figure if people

can make up their own stupid explanations of how or why I got fat

they can also make up their own stupid explanations of how or why I

got thin.

Would I tell someone who was MO about the DS? ly I don't know, I

guess it would depend on the person, the circumstances and most

likely my mood.

Maybe I'm kidding myself (although that isn't normally one of my many

character flaws) but I don't think I'm into self-loathing or loathing

my fat. Being fat bothers me because it restricts what I can do and

has health risks. I know I can avoid being morbidly obese if I'm

willing to follow a much more restrictive diet and much more intense

exercise program than 99.9% of the population but I'm not. I'm a

normal person and I expect to live like a normal person and from what

I've been reading about the DS it will allow me to do that.

I've seen too many folks in the military, monastaries and hospitals

who get the same amount of exercise and eat the same rations yet have

different body types and carry different amounts of fat to buy the

fat people undisciplined, thin people disciplined myth or to have

much respect for the intelligence of those people who do buy the

myth.

I'm rambling but just wanted to throw out the idea that some people

fat or thin just don't like to talk about their health, wealth or

happiness.

> Enough of you have bared your souls that I'm sort of getting it

now, I think.

>

> Society has taught us to be ashamed of ourselves for allowing

> ourselves to get so ugly, distastefully, abominably FAT! So, if

we

> do anything to call attention to our struggle with our FAT, we just

> stir up that shame, not only with others, but with ourselves, too!.

> Better to sneak off quietly, lose the weight, and then try

to " blend

> in " with the " better " folk. Let's pretend that we never were

really

> FAT. Sort of like: " oh, oh, I got pregnant, and I'm not married,

so

> I'll sneak out of town to have the baby, give it up for adoption,

and

> slip back into town several months later and pretend that nothing

> ever happened. "

>

> That's the sadness that we carry in our souls. It's the

> self-loathing that we try to hide, more from ourselves than for

> others. I most sincerely melt and weep for each of you, my dear

> friends, who have so bought into what society has taught us, that

you

> are thus afflicted. I wish for you that you might find the

> acceptance of yourselves, whether your body happens to be FAT or

> " normal, " so that you never have to think about blending in again.

>

> With great respect and caring,

>

> Steve

> --

[Guest guest]

I've read through some of the answers here, there are way too many

and I'm way too late coming into this to read them all, so I

apologize if this is a repeat.

Mostly I feel like many of the others, if it's someone I know who has

struggled with weight issues all their lives, I'll tell them.

As for other people, it's none of their damn business.

I fought very hard for a very long time to get people to see PAST my

size and accept me for who I am. Maybe that has something to do with

shame, but mostly I think it has to do with just wanting to be Barbi,

not Fat Barbi. I insisted they see me for the person I am, not the

fat around me. Just as my hair length or color does not define me,

neither does my size. I wouldn't discuss my size with anyone other

than a few close friends and a sibling or two. I was very

comfortable with my size, it just wasn't up for casual discussion.

So why would I now become all about weight? My size is not who I

am. Why discuss it with people when it's never been their business

to begin with?

When " normal " sized people ask me how I'm losing weight I say " by

eating less " , so far, no one has dug any deeper than that.

I have told many other people of size about my surgery but I don't

offer it up unless they are truly interested for a couple of

reasons. One - unless I know them well enough to really guide them

to the right information, which takes time, I don't feel right just

saying " I had surgery " and leaving them on their own. Two - this is

big stuff and I don't want to persuade anyone unless I can share the

good, the bad, and the ugly.

That's just my humble two cents worth,

Barbi

>

> > Enough of you have bared your souls that I'm sort of getting it

> now, I think.

> >

> > Society has taught us to be ashamed of ourselves for allowing

> > ourselves to get so ugly, distastefully, abominably FAT! So, if

> we

> > do anything to call attention to our struggle with our FAT, we

just

> > stir up that shame, not only with others, but with ourselves,

too!.

> > Better to sneak off quietly, lose the weight, and then try

> to " blend

> > in " with the " better " folk. Let's pretend that we never were

> really

> > FAT. Sort of like: " oh, oh, I got pregnant, and I'm not married,

> so

> > I'll sneak out of town to have the baby, give it up for adoption,

> and

> > slip back into town several months later and pretend that nothing

> > ever happened. "

> >

> > That's the sadness that we carry in our souls. It's the

> > self-loathing that we try to hide, more from ourselves than for

> > others. I most sincerely melt and weep for each of you, my dear

> > friends, who have so bought into what society has taught us, that

> you

> > are thus afflicted. I wish for you that you might find the

> > acceptance of yourselves, whether your body happens to be FAT or

> > " normal, " so that you never have to think about blending in again.

> >

> > With great respect and caring,

> >

> > Steve

> > --