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Struck a Chord

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Hi all,

struck a chord for me. I agree with her that we must claim the word

fat - for it's not the word that's the issue -- it's what people paint all

around it that hurts and is discriminatory. So I say paint it just what it

is -- LARGE!! Fat. Round. Whatever. Hey it's OK to say it, just don't

bring all the baggage with it.....

Having said all that, this thread brought up something I realize I have

needed to share, so thoughts are welcome. It's about guilt and many years

of " loving myself as I am. "

For 10 years I just stopped dieting. Long before it was fashionable to do

so. I just decided to learn to accept myself for who I was, to love myself

as I was and to just get on with living. Not worry about food, eat what I

wanted. I could NOT maintain any diet in the past, so why try.

I decided not to be size-conscious, and to this day I try to live like

that. And surround myself with people like that. I hate being around

people who talk about food all the time (except, LOL -- the discussions on

THIS list!!) Well, you know what I mean. Diet this, have you tried

that...hogwash. I was fat, I admitted it, I accepted it.

So, most of my friends were like me. When I brought up WLS, I got

practically attacked for even thinking about it. " WHat?? " they

exclaimed.. " Botch your body up? Take a perfectly functioning body and

screw around with it?? Love yourselfl!! Don't let them DO that to you!!

YOu're Ok like you are. " " and so on. Plus, these people were so right

about how much doctors had discriminated against us when we needed true

health care, and here they were making money off of us like the other diet

sheisters....it pissed me off at the time..

But WLS kept coming up, and challenged my whole belief system. My mother

always said " you have to put your faith in something. " While in principal

I agreed we must love ourselves for who we are, I just couldn't move

anymore...starting to get diabetes, had terrible aching knees, couldnt' run

jump play.....was it, incredibly, possible to REALLY take this weight

off? Without a huge possibility of horrible side effects? Without morally

or spiritually messing with the temple of my soul?? Well, I had to try to

check into it, and maybe put my faith back in the medical profession long

enough to find out and get prepared.

Now, I will not let NAAFA and followers discourage me, -- I know this is a

lifesaving surgery, but I still feel guilty!! I keep hearing " hey you

should love yourself as you are " and " dont' let anyone mess with a

perfectly good machine. " Now I know intellectually that's pretty much crap

-- my machine ain't workin' too well or I wouldn't be this big... but it's

still hard. I think it's like being a vegetarian and having to eat meat or

something.

Any thoughts appreciated.

-- one who stopped dieting and starting loving herself years ago as a FAT

person

-- and one who has discovered there may be a life beyond intellectualism,

of jumping and playing

-- and one who may be having surgery soon

Hawkins (Ms. that is)

======================

From: marym@...

Subject: Being called Fat

I have a different opinion here. As long as we, the MO, accept the

view that it is insulting to be called " fat " then we are promulgating

the cultural view of fat as wrong, ugly, or embarassing. Oh I know

that people have called us that wiht full intention of hurting us and

putting us down. But unless we take control of the defination, then

we continue to support the problem.

=========================

Hawkins

Preop / BMI 60 /

240 to lose / 150 lbs bound!

Consult Sept. 13

Rabkin in SF

****** Hoping soon for a switcheroo! *******

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