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Hi , I too am plagued with doubts. I wonder if the doctor telling me

he would not be able to do the DS on me and the insurance would not cover the

DS anyway is God's way of telling me " now is not the time " or that this

surgery is not for me. I think of the story of the man in the flood on the

roof of his house asking God to rescue him. After he dies, he asks God why

he didn't rescue him when he asked to be rescued. God's reply was who did

you think sent the warning about the flood, who sent the boat, the

helicopter, etc. I wonder if I am being too thick headed to hear what God

has to say to me.

I am thinking about all those vitamins, being able to eat all that protein,

even would I be less able to survive a biological attack if I have the

surgery than I am now. I am thinking about old age. What if I get sick and

am unable to take my vitamins, etc. Will that mean an earlier death?

I have another consult with another surgeon. It is in NY. I heard about a

Manhattan hospital employee getting anthrax. Will it be safe for me to go to

a hospital in Manhattan? Will the next attack hit hospitals? Train stations?

I haven't mentioned any of my fears to my kids, because I don't want to

needlessly worry them, but my daughter has begged me not to go to NY. Much

of this is the result of the terrorist attacks that have affected all of us.

It is hard not to live in fear right now.

Is this paranoia? Maybe, but it is what has been running around in my head

lately.

Pam

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