Re: advice on overnight--long

[Guest guest]

I don't know if I have much to offer as far as the trip goes. Middle school can

be hell for kids, even if they are typical and socially adept, for kids like

Adam it can be unbearable. Kids just don't have perspective, and I remember

being a " wierd " kid in middle school, with only one or two equally " wierd "

friends. At 46 I still remember how painful that time of life was. I never

thought it would change. In highschool there were so many more people that I

found places that I fit in and a whole group of the " wierd " , all of us a bit

outcast in different ways for different reasons. We formed our own clique. We

didn't care anymore if any of us were picked on outside of our group. I also had

a friend at that time who was " popular " and her friendship helped me feel less

of an outcast.

Maybe a possible solution would be if a more popular kid could be enlisted to

hang out with Adam and help him learn better social skills, perhaps not in time

for this trip but looking towards the future. Sometimes practicing different

scenarios can help kids do better in real situations and another kid would be

able to know the best reponses for kid society. I wish you and Adam the best of

luck.

, mom to Destiny, RSS, and the Barbarian Horde

advice on overnight--long

Hi guys

It's been awhile since I have needed to ask you all for advice, but this

problem I have is looming closer and closer, so I figure I need to address

it.

Adam (12 years old, in grade 7) is going on a school over night trip at the

beginning of February. He's actually gone from Monday morning to Thursday

afternoon. So that's 3 nights. I have been up to the facility he is going to

as a female supervisor, so I can picture exactly what/where he will be.

Here's my thoughts. I have twisted this whole thing back and forth in my

mind and have decided he is to go. But I would be really interested in just

reading what you all think and perhaps someone might have a nugget of advice

that I can use.

Adam is really picked on at this school. When his teacher is absent, it's

like open season on Adam. It's horrible. Now, to compound this problem, many

times Adam will see someone look at him, or brush against him, or any number

of other things that are just part and parcel of being 12......and he flips

out thinking that he is being picked on again. He obviously has problems

reading social cues and can respond excessively to slights that would

normally require, perhaps, a flippant remark or some other such low key

reaction. You know what I mean?

So here's this small boy going off for 3 nights and 4 days like this. I

wondered if his teacher or the principal would say " no " to Adam even going

because when he does get upset at the other kids he takes off. I can just

see him in the middle of the forest late at night all pissed because someone

said something to him. I can't tell you how many times I've had to go look

for him in the school over the years (the incidents are decreasing from his

younger years but he's done it about 3 times this year alone).

Because of that I wondered if they would take him, and I have told Adam that

he would not be going if he continued like that. He fluxuates, by the way,

to saying he wants to go and saying he doesn't want to go. But mostly he

wants to go. Besides warning him about his behaviour of taking off, I

haven't discussed the trip much with him yet. I will!! LOL

So anyway, Adam's teacher came to me yesterday to discuss the snacks he will

need. That tells me he is obviously going. His teacher also told me he was

considering bunking Adam in a room of 2 boys instead of 6. I said " yes I

figured you were going to have to give the rooming some serious thought

considering you have many boys that should not be together " . So it appears

he's going.

I have already decided he will skip his shots for those nights. The teacher

was relieved. A diabetic is going up and his mom is going up to do his shots

(which the teacher frowned on). I would not have done that. But even there I

have a delimma. The kids know Adam gets shots every night so what if they

start hassling him and saying " sure you get needles!! You don't have them

here " . So his teacher says he will say Adam is getting his meds in pill form

while he's away. Now that doesn't work because why would he EVER get a

needle if it was in pill form!!!!!! UGH but I didn't tell the teacher that.

This email is getting too long. Here's what I am worrying about. What advice

do you have? What do I say to Adam? Chances are someone IS going to say

something to him at least once. Sadly, it will probably happen much more

often than that. I've said " ignore " to him until I am blue in the face.

Also eating. I want him to be " normal " as much as possible. The teacher says

the dorm has a fridge and all kids will get a snack before bed, but I need

to be sure Adam eats. I don't even know what he will be like during the

dinner time. Will he eat? Most of the days will be spent on outdoor

activities. And that's a whole other ball game. Will he keep up? Will the

staff up there be able to recognize when he's had enough? What will they do

with him once he has had enough.

As you can see I am stressing about this. My daughter went to the same place

in grade 8 and besides worrying about her missing home, I was OK with it.

But alas, my Adam is a different story. I think every single life event will

be poured over, worried over......and on and on.

I'd love to read what you all think and I'm sorry for this being such a long

email.

Take care

Debby