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Robin,

I think every person in this group would answer yes to your

question. I quit my job when this all started because I didn't think

it was fair to my employers that I was so unreliable. I think they

would have fired me not too long after I quit and the sad part was

that it all started a couple of weeks after I started working

there..I lasted 3 months and was actually only at work for about one

of those months..a few days here a few days there.

I do thank my lucky stars that this all happened after I got married

and have a husband that didn't want me to work anyway, because had I

been living back in my own country and single, I would have had to

go bankrupt to survive. I wouldn't have lost my job (in australia,

they are more considerate to the human being in most

companies)..they would have just hired a temp or advertised my

position as a temporary to possible permanent position if I came

back or resigned.

I hate the fact that this illness does rule my life, not so much

now, but how it did before..even to the point where I couldn't think

of getting into the car and driving any place in case I had an

attack. Couldn't do the grocery shopping, not able to play with my

little girl, and the worst part..having her to only be able to visit

me for a couple of hours in hospital for 2 months straight and oh

how it hurt when she screamed and didn't want to stay with mummy

then.

Even though for the time being I am pain free, and hope to be for a

long long time, I am scared to return to work if I so choose,

because I don't want to feel like a burden to them if these attacks

happen again. I know I wouldn't get the job if I told them outright

about my illnesses, but if I didn't say anything, would feel so

guilty about not telling them if something happened.

Could the work they give you now be done at home? If it could, you

might be able to increase your data entry workload, to help give you

some sense of worth in the workforce and not have to deal with an

unsympathetic supervisor.

Iwould give anything to find work that I could do at home, but I

don't know how to go about finding a place that holds legitimate

work at home jobs..

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Dear Robin,

Even though I've been out of the workforce for several years, and now work for

myself, I

can and do understand what you are feeling. You need right now to be somewhere

where

you can have a feeling of self-worth, and you just aren't getting it where you

are right

now. This is just my personal opinion, and you certainly don't have to agree

with me, and

I won't be offended if you don't. That's just the way I see it. You've proved

yourself a

dozen times over what your abilities are at your present workplace, but your

superior isn't

using them. It looks to me like she isn't going to recommend you for any more

challenging opportunities, or for any chance of upward movement.

Why not go for the other position as a paralegal? Yes, you may have an attack

again, but

you could just as easily have one where you are. Would it be any different if

it where there

at the new job, or where you are now? Would there be a loss of benefits or

something like

that that I'm not aware of? There may be a lot of reasons, pro and con, that

I'm not aware

of, and please correct me, if so. I just think it's a shame that you should be

stuck

somewhere where your skills aren't being used to full advantage and at a place

that makes

you so unhappy and unfulfilled every day. That's such a negative environment

for you.

I know our CP is very unpredictable and the threat of attacks is constantly

hanging over

our heads. I'm personally trying really hard not to let that fear stand in the

way of my

doing things that I really want or need to do. Don't worry, I'm not talking

about climbing

Mt. Everest!! I told my husband just the other day that I was going to do

something I

wanted to do, in spite of the fact that he was saying, " but you could have an

attack " . If I

let that fear stop me every time, I'd end up doing nothing for the rest of my

life, and that's

not the way I want to live. Others might think I'm foolish, but I'm willing to

take the

gamble on some things if I think it's going to bring me happiness or

fulfillment.

So put me in my place if I'm suggesting something that really isn't feasible for

you for

other reasons, but I personally think you'd be much happier working somewhere

else

where your professional abilities were acknowledged and utilized. Please

understand that

I'm trying to be supportive in my comments. We can't live our whole lives

always fearful of

that next attack, since that is something we really have no control over and we

NEVER

know when the next one is, or isn't coming. Go for the best that you can get

while you

can get it! That's my opinion...you can delete it or keep it.

With love, hope and prayers,

Heidi

Heidi H. Griffeth

South Carolina

SC & SE Regional Rep.

PAI

Note: All comments or advice are personal opinion only, and should not be

substituted for

professional medical consultation.

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THANK YOU everyone for your kind and supportive messages. It was a load off

just to write it down, then further to talk with my counselor last night.

There is no doubt that I will leave this job, as soon as the right

opportunity arrives. The job that I had been offered was a little too much

turn and burn, I don't want to jump from the frying pan into the fire, but

knowing that all I'm doing is putting in my time until something better

comes along takes away all my expectations that things will be different.

Fortunately, my husband works very hard and if I had to take a cut in pay

that is secondary to being happy. Insurance is always an issue, but I have

always been taken care of, and I know He won't let me down now! Thanks

again everyone. As stated before, but never enough, this group is so

crucial to my emotional and mental well-being. I love you all!

Robin R.

Sr. Production Planning Specialist

* (ext. 102)

* (fax)

robin.cox@...

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I also had to end up going on disability or end up getting fired when I

became so unreliable. Accurancy and memory were two very necessary

parts of my job and when both started to go, I had to seriously think

about going on disabiliy and I just couldn't continue to do a bad job

and so I ended up going on disability in Jan 2003. I keep busy at home

by going online and also doing cross-stitch and beadwork when I feel the

need to do something, which is most days.

I wish I could be more help, but feel free to vent anytime you need to.

Kimber

--

Kimber

Vallejo, CA

hominid2@...

Note: All advice given is personal opinion, not equal to that of a licensed

physician or health care professional.

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I am going through the exact same thing you went through in regards to

memory and accuracy in a job that requires those, may I ask a personal

question and what did you officially go on disability for. My insurance co

I think is balking at putting me back on disability for these reasons. I

understand if you do not answer-thks

Beaumont

Courtice, Ontario

Canada

Re: Re: VENT

I also had to end up going on disability or end up getting fired when I

became so unreliable. Accurancy and memory were two very necessary

parts of my job and when both started to go, I had to seriously think

about going on disabiliy and I just couldn't continue to do a bad job

and so I ended up going on disability in Jan 2003. I keep busy at home

by going online and also doing cross-stitch and beadwork when I feel the

need to do something, which is most days.

I wish I could be more help, but feel free to vent anytime you need to.

Kimber

--

Kimber

Vallejo, CA

hominid2@...

Note: All advice given is personal opinion, not equal to that of a licensed

physician or health care professional.

_____

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