VENT

[Guest guest]

Hi Group:

If it's ok, I really need to vent. I know that I should be grateful that I am

well enough to continue to work, and I hope those of you that can't work, won't

take this personally, but I'm just so unhappy. I guess we always want what we

can't have. Sometimes I wish I didn't work, so I didn't have to go through the

emotional grinder day in and day out. It's just got me so pissed off and angry.

And I'm not the type to be angry. But to quote my husband, " I'm so pissed I

could flip a pinball machine. " It's kind of an inside joke, but you get the

picture. I'm grateful that my job has stood by me during my illness. They

probably could have found some reason to fire me. But sometimes I feel what I'm

living is worse. They took most of my responsibilities away, and have left me

with basically some data entry. I went back to college to advance my career,

and this illness has set me back, big time. I am treated like I have no more

brains than a box of rocks. My supervisor is about as concerned and sympathetic

as a box of rocks too. She is always blowing smoke up my butt, during my review

she said I was the best and knew the most as the systems administration for our

computers, then I turn around and she asks someone else to teach a computer

class! And you can't confront her with these things without sounding like a

baby. But I'm so hurt, it's time and time and time again these things are

happening. I try not to take them personally, but I'm on the verge of tears all

the time. It's bad enough that I have to deal with this pain every day, and

take all these medication, but living with this at work is not helping me. I

then thought I'd get a new job, I actually was offered a job as a paralegal

really doing something I enjoy. But how can I start a new job not knowing

whether I'll have an attack tomorrow. This sickness has taken away my life.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, or whatever that saying is. I try to

talk positively to myself, but I'm just getting so tired of it. Does anyone

relate to this? I'm just constantly choking back the tears. I've got my

counseling appointment tonight. If not for that I really think I might just be

having a nervous breakdown. Thanks for listening.

Robin

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