to robin

[Guest guest]

I can definitly relate. For nearly four years I have suffered with

diarrhea, fevers, sweating, severe stomachaches and general feel of

not feeling well.

For more than a year I have had pancreatitis-like pain added to it.

I've worked during all of this, and many times it was not fun. Most

people can not understand what it's like to live with such pain. More

than once I've sat in the lounge area of the ladies restroom at work

and cried.

Last fall, before I went on short-term disability for a few weeks, my

boss actually wanted employee-assistance to get involved because he

wasn't sure how to react to my illness. At this time, I was actively

seeking answers from doctors and going through tests, but nothing was

showing up. It was during this time that a new GI doctor diagnosed

the enzyme deficiency. I limped along taking enzymes, and my enegy

levels increased, but the pain was coming more frequently and had

increased in severity.

Work has stood behind me and my illness has not curtailed their

praise or criticism, but I feel increasingly guilty because of the

amount of work I've missed (now I'm back on short-term disability

after working for about three months). I don't feel like I can apply

for promotions because it's hard enough to muster the energy for the

80 percent (at least) needed for my current position let alone the

110 percent needed for a new position with increased responsibility.

And I feel guilty about not giving 110 percent in my current

position. Sometimes it's also alienating because when I feel bad or

hurt, I can't join in after-work parties or small talk, and I can't

really muster the energy needed to sustain friendships with my co-

workers.

I have to go back to work at some point because I can't stay home

indefinitely without a clear-cut diagnosis. At this point, I don't

think it's possible for a doctor to diagnose what is going on. How

I'm going to work is beyond my comprehension. I'll have to give it

the old college try. I hope this helped you to know you are not

alone. Tammy