Re: Heidi's road trip

[Guest guest]

Dear Heidi -

Your adventure taking the boys to camp brought back fond memories of when I

also took my children to camps in the summers - they are now 26, 23, and 18. I

am so grateful that you were able to make the trip without any episodes.

When you shared about stopping the pain meds so you could drive, I could really

relate...

Your posting got me thinking of something I need to grieve and let go. I am

hoping other mothers in this support group will share their stories, as well,

and we can all grieve and then move on...

My youngest, Evan, was 12 years old, when I started having recurring panc

attacks. He is now 18. There are so MANY times I could not be there with

him/for him because I was either in the hospital having an attack or home so

drugged

on pain meds, I don't remember much.

I am sad when I think about those years that I have missed so many of his

life events. His football games, the time his stepbrother (at age 16) committed

suicide - I was in the hospital having an attack. I even missed his 18th

birthday party that I had been planning for MONTHS, due to being in the hospital

with an attack.

Do our kids resent us for being ill and missing out on these and other

important life events? I wonder... I know that I HAVE GREAT REMORSE, ANGER,

FRUSTRATION AND SADNESS at not being there often times during his teenage years.

I do try and make special memories with him during times of good health, but

those important times I missed can not be made up.

Thanks for listening and if any other mothers suffering from this distructive

disease would like to join in on this dialogue, I would greatly appreciate

it. I know I gain great strength from our collaborative support and similar

life experiences. Thanks for always being there.

Cecilia

Mesa, AZ