Re: Re: Missing out on our childrens events...

[Guest guest]

Dear Cecilia,

I know exactly how you feel. The guilt over missing events. I have had

major health problems my whole life and have almost died numerous times. My

children have always had to deal with this. When they were little they would

ask me, " What happens if you die " How sad is that for a child to grow up with.

I always tried to hide as much as I could from them but when they live with a

parent who has chronic health issues it just becomes a part of their lives. My

children are now 26 (twins) and 22 and I believe it has made them stronger. They

have compassion beyond words. They see life differently then alot of their

friends. I believe its because of the trials they have gone thru and seen me go

thru and how we plunge ahead and just do what we must. We talk about it

sometimes and they have no anger towards me about it, they just wish they could

change it or take it away from me. When they were younger, yes they expressed

anger towards me sometimes because they always had to

worry. Oh how I wish I could have taken that away. That is alot of stress for a

child. But I actually think it made us closer, they value our relationship and

we don't take each other for granted. We make time for family, more so then

other people. I actually have had many friends say what a wonderful

relationship I have with my children and they wish their children were as close

and they want to know how I developed such a strong relationship with my

children. I believe it is how my children look at life and they know things can

change at any time. They cherish the good times and make the most of every

moment, even if the moment is not easy. They try and look at the bright side of

each situation, probably because I have always stressed that each event in life

does have a bright side.

My children knew that if I did not make an event it was because I was sssso

sick. They would come home and tell me all. They knew if I wasn't their

physically that I was in their hearts. I would put notes in their book bags or

lunches just to say I am proud of you and I love you.

Talk to your children about your feelings, you will be surprised how much

they really know and how much they really care and love you. They may be angry

sometimes but they are not angry at you. They are angry at the situation.

Actually mine get angry at God but I try to talk to them about that too. That

is harder to explain to children. I tell them that God had a reason for

everything he does, we may not know what his plan is, but we have to trust God.

Sometimes it worked, sometimes not.

Just enjoy all the times you can spend with your family and try and not

worry about your down times, they really do understand.

Love,

W

Wisconsin

soce@... wrote:

Dear Heidi -

Your adventure taking the boys to camp brought back fond memories of when I

also took my children to camps in the summers - they are now 26, 23, and 18. I

am so grateful that you were able to make the trip without any episodes.

When you shared about stopping the pain meds so you could drive, I could really

relate...

Your posting got me thinking of something I need to grieve and let go. I am

hoping other mothers in this support group will share their stories, as well,

and we can all grieve and then move on...

My youngest, Evan, was 12 years old, when I started having recurring panc

attacks. He is now 18. There are so MANY times I could not be there with

him/for him because I was either in the hospital having an attack or home so

drugged

on pain meds, I don't remember much.

I am sad when I think about those years that I have missed so many of his

life events. His football games, the time his stepbrother (at age 16) committed

suicide - I was in the hospital having an attack. I even missed his 18th

birthday party that I had been planning for MONTHS, due to being in the hospital

with an attack.

Do our kids resent us for being ill and missing out on these and other

important life events? I wonder... I know that I HAVE GREAT REMORSE, ANGER,

FRUSTRATION AND SADNESS at not being there often times during his teenage years.

I do try and make special memories with him during times of good health, but

those important times I missed can not be made up.

Thanks for listening and if any other mothers suffering from this distructive

disease would like to join in on this dialogue, I would greatly appreciate

it. I know I gain great strength from our collaborative support and similar

life experiences. Thanks for always being there.

Cecilia

Mesa, AZ